Carnal Knowledge

"Is this an ultimatum? Answer me, you ball-busting, castrating, son of a cunt bitch! Is this an ultimatum or not?"

"You want a job? I got a job for you. Fix up this pigsty! You get a pretty goddammed good salary for testing out this bed all day! You want an extra fifty dollars a week, try vacuuming! You want an extra hundred, make this goddammed bed! Try opening some goddammed windows! That's why you can't stand up in here, the goddammed place smells like a coffin!"

"Why don't you leave me?... For God's sake, I'd almost marry you if you'd leave me."

"Women today are better-hung than the men."

"At one time, it was great what we had... the kidding around. It can't have a natural time span. Affairs can't dissolve in a good way. There's always got to be poison. I don't see why, I really don't see why!"

"Alright, where the fuck is my shoehorn? This place is a mess! There's not any food in the house, half the time you look like you fell out of bed! You spend more time in bed than any other human being past the age of 6 months than I ever heard of!"

"Jack Nicholson - Jonathan"

"Art Garfunkel - Sandy"

"Candice Bergen - Susan"

"Ann-Margret - Bobbie"

"Rita Moreno - Louise"

"Carol Kane - Jennifer"