Ben Elton

"No collection of people who are all waiting for the same thing are capable of holding a natural conversation. Even if the thing they are waiting for is only a taxi."

"The earth only has so much bounty to offer and inventing ever larger and more notional prices for that bounty does not change its real value."

"The appropriation of radical thinking by lazy, self-obsessed hippies is a public relations disaster that could cost the earth."

"Lies are as important as truth, for without lies, the truth is worthless."

"Leave a message, don't leave a message. live, die, it's all the same dream."

"Things get shaped straight and thin for reasons of aerodynamics. Missiles and skyscrapers are shaped the way they are on the soundest principles of engineering, not as monuments to the dick. In fact, so is the dick. The dick is shaped like a dick because that is the most efficient shape for a dick to be. That's why it's dick shaped. I mean a dick shaped like a table would cause all sorts of practical spatial problems."