Bananas (film)

"[to his therapist] I was, uh, I was always very shy when it came to girls. I - I remember when I was a little boy, I - I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in Braille, and I - I used to rub the dirty parts. And I, um, I guess I had a good relationship with my parents. I - I - I - they very rarely h- I think they hit me once, actually, in my whole childhood. They, uh, started beating me on the 23rd of December, 1942 and stopped beating me in the late spring of '44. Um, I don't know, I was a nervous child. I was a bed wetter. When I was younger, I, I, uh, used to sleep with an electric blanket, and I was constantly electrocuting myself."

"You cannot bash in the head of an American citizen without written permission from the State Department."

"Although the United States is, uh, a very rich country and San Marcos is a very poor one, there are a great many things we have to offer your country in return for aid. For instance, there, uh, there are locusts. Uh, we have more locusts than...uh, locusts of all races and creeds. These, these locusts, incidentally, are available at popular prices. And so, by the way, are most of the women of San Marcos...despite the tiny size of our nation, few people realize that we lead the world in hernias. They also fail to realize that before Columbus discovered your country, he stopped in San Marcos and contracted a disease which today can be cured with one shot of penicillin."

"We fell in love. I fell in love - she just stood there."

"Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for, Hitler?"

"Today's top stories: The United States government brings charges against Fielding Mellish as a subversive impostor, New York garbage men are striking for a better class of garbage, and the National Rifle Association declares death a good thing."

"Woody Allen - Fielding Mellish"

"Louise Lasser - Nancy"

"Carlos Montalban - Gen. Emilio M. Vargas"

"David Ortiz - Sanchez"

"Natividad Abascal - Yolanda"

"Dorothi Fox - J. Edgar Hoover"

"Dan Frazer - Priest"

"Howard Cosell - Himself"

"Don Dunphy - Himself"

"Roger Grimsby - Himself"