Alan Ayckbourn

"Few women care to be laughed at and men not at all, except for large sums of money."

"There are very few people on top of life, and the rest of us don't like them very much."

"A comedy is just a tragedy interrupted, I once said. Do you finish with the kiss or when she opens her eyes to tell him she loves him and sees blonde hairs on his collar?"

"The darker the subject, the more light you must try to shed on the matter. And vice versa."

"They've started this filthy floodlit cricket with cricketers wearing tin hats and advertisements for contraceptives on their boots."

"Plays by Alan Ayckbourn have been attracting larger audiences in the regional theatres than those of Shakespeare."