"If this typewriter can't do it, then fuck it, it can't be done."

"This baby (the Remington SL3 typewriter) speaks electric Shakespeare at the slightest provocation and will rap out a …"

"When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of…"

"On the campus of Outlaw College, professors of essential insanities would characterize the conflicting attitudes of N…"

"Society had a crime problem. It hired cops to attack crime. Now society has a cop problem."

"I sense that novel of my dreams is in the Remington SL3 — although it writes much faster than I can spell."

"A sense of humor, properly developed, is superior to any religion so far devised."

"Zippers are primal and modern at the very same time. On the one hand, your zipper is primitive and reptilian, on the …"

"I deserve to be chained by night in a church basement without company o' cassette player if I'm not man enough to ask…"

"There is a similarity between juggling and composing on the typewriter. The trick is, when you spill something, make …"