"Woman: Do come along quick, there's a house on fire. Fire Chief: A house on fire? Just a moment, lady – what's the ad…"

"He said "I'll punch your head!" I said "Whose?" He said "Yours!" I said "Mine?" He said "Yes!" I said "Oh?" He said "…"

"The day war broke out, my Missus said to me – she looked at me and she said, "What good are you?""

"She said,"What are you supposed to do?" I said, "I'm supposed to stop Hitler's army landing." She said, "What! – you?…"

"She said, "Do you know this Hitler? Have you ever met him?" I said, "Do I – of course I don't!" She said, "Well how a…"

"I never really had any aspirations to be an actor when I was young. I wanted to play the piano in a bar, to be the ol…"

"If I do decide one day to stop acting, I just hate the idea of people going: 'Oh, did you ever do anything else besid…"

"I don't really know how to act, I kind of wanted to somehow make it real, and one of the ways I've always thought mak…"

"I knew in a flash Gary had something I should never have. It is something pure and he doesn't know it's there. In tru…"

"They can't censor the gleam in my eye."