The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists (film)

"Behind every captain, there's a crew. Sure, some of you are as ugly as a sea cucumber, some of you are closer to being a chair or coat rack than a pirate, and some of you are fish I've just dressed up in a hat..."

"Fire those long things that go bang!"

"You're the best crew a captain could wish for!"

"And that's why, in a straight fight, a shark would probably beat Dracula."

"(from the trailer) You see I told you."

"[writing in his journal] Journal of Charles Darwin. Day 93 aboard the Beagle. I have today discovered a new kind of barnacle, which I have categorized as in the order of Pygophora. I'll never get a girlfriend. I am so unhappy. [a few cannonballs whiz through his office; continues writing in his journal] And now I'm being attacked by pirates."

"Hello, Boys. You're probably all wondering, If I'm still as deadly as I am beautiful. Well, I am."

"Peg-Leg, You pile of squid bait, Check it out, lubbers, The world's biggest diamond, That's baby's got my name on it."

"Really?, If you've got so much booty, Then how come you're still sailing that old wreck?"

"Congratulations, Pirate Captain, Nobody deserves this more than you."

"And that beard of yours, it drives me, crazy."

"I'd take a jellyfish in the face of that man."

"Are you going to... Are you going to enter again?"

"Sorry, It's just, That's my favourite bit."

"Exactly, hate them, with their idiotic shanties! And their ridiculous hats! And their endless blasted ROARING!!! I want them sunk, Admiral!! Scuppered, smashed, fed to the sharks!! Do you hear me?! I... HATE... PIRATES!!!"

"One doesn't why. Perhaps its his luxuriant beard, or his gleaming teeth, or the way he smells faintly of coconuts, but we have taken a shine to this pirate."

"Pity you can't eat pirate, really. But you'd probably taste of barnacles. Whereas dear little Polly here is going to be absolutely... delicious!"

"It's a plunderful life."

"Laugh your booty off."

"Join the crew and kick some booty."

"Prepare for a new breed of pirates."

"Let's go plundering."

"Places to pillage. People to skewer."

"Hugh Grant — The Pirate Captain"

"Martin Freeman — The Pirate with a Scarf (a.k.a. Number 2)"

"Imelda Staunton — Queen Victoria"

"David Tennant — Charles Darwin"

"Jeremy Piven — Black Bellamy"

"Salma Hayek Pinault — Cutlass Liz"

"Lenny Henry — Peg-Leg Hastings"

"Brian Blessed — The Pirate King"

"Anton Yelchin — The Albino Pirate"

"Brendan Gleeson — The Pirate with Gout"

"Ashley Jensen — The Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate"

"Al Roker — The Pirate Who Likes Sunsets and Kittens"

"David Schneider — Scarlett Morgan"

"Mike Cooper — Admiral Collingwood"

"Mitchell Mullen — Game Show Host"

"Tom Doggart"

"Sophie Jerrold"

"Sophie Laughton"

"Kayvan Novak"

"David Schaal"

"David Schneider"

"Benjamin Whitehead"

"Peter Lord"