Shock Treatment

"[To Farley] I'm as sane as you are! Saner!"

"[singing] We lost our home/Our family/You lost compassion, now you're losin' me..."

"Hi, Brad, I've just come to tell you how fabulous I am."

"[singing] If that's not enough, then I'm/So sorry I met you, it was almost like leading you on/But there's more to it all/Than just ringing your heart out over something/That keeps on going wrong/So don't tell me you love me/How am I supposed to know what that means?/No, don't sell emotion/You can't buy devotion if you're falling apart at the seams..."

"[singing] I need some young blood, I need some young blood. I need it now!"

"[singing] Well...! First you go rip, rip, rip/Then you go snip, snip, snip/Then you whip in a zip, zip, zip/And split it up to the hip, hip, hip/And as you strip, strip, strip/You quiver and shiver for that soft caress/As you slip, slip, slip/Into that little black dress."

"Do you have any friends? ... You won't have soon."

"Oh, no, just a routine checkup."

"[singing] I'm gonna shoot for the moon/I'm gonna play high noon/I'm gonna take on the entire human race/You're not looking at a king/You're looking at an ace!"

"Time's tight, Janet. Do it right, Janet. Until tomorrow night, Janet?"

"[singing] You lost your baby when you lost your balls/You lost your mind when you lost your grip, so say bye-bye!"

"[singing] Well, the best thing you could ever do is die!"

"Now, you see the way we got rid of that dirty little dish is the same way we're going to put the rest of our house in order! Including... the upstairs!"

"Alimony is just another word for rape."

"Oh, Ralph? ... Shove it!"

"Coffee, Kirk. I'm dying for it."

"Look at that, Bert Schnik's dancing! Bert can see!"

"Macy Struthers with my husband. God, I must have been blind! Still, the weaker the man, the dumber the blonde."

"Oh my God, character actors!"

"[to Macy Struthers] Who loves YOU, baby?"

"I detect a note of reticence. Are you perhaps one of those amongst us who feel that emotive forms of presentations are overly manipulative?"

"Oh, I adore Coleridge Taylor. As a matter of fact... "It is an ancient Mariner, and he stoppeth one of three. By thy long gray beard and glittering eye, now wherefore stop'st thou me?""

"[singing] This could be the start of a whole new career here."

"And here she is! Denton's own, America's pride, Janet, the sensation of the planet."

"Ladies and gentlemen... the president."

"I wouldn't mind doing Janet one or two favors."

"No! I don't know what Janet's next move will be...but you can be sure of one thing...it all starts here!"

"Yeah! Well, I just got word Farley's expecting her any minute. You Guys!! Get yer asses in front of those cameras, warm up that crowd and earn yourselves a reputation. Okay? Move!!!"

"Well, Janet's absolutely speechless, Ladies and Gentlemen. But that's all right. Because we don't need her to talk...But here's someone we do want to hear from...a firm favorite of yours and mine. You've revelled in his recipes. You've marvelled at his marriage guidance. Yes, the all-knowing, and now all-seeing... Bert Schnick!!"

"We'll edit the tapes. This will never see airplay."

"I better get going. Tomorrow's the big one, and, well, Farley expects!"

"I'll leave you young things to it."

"The quacks are willing tools?"

"Well, Betty, there are many ways that the spider may catch the fly... Monetary inducements... Seduction... Prejudice... And lies!"

"Isn't that Brad and Janet Majors sitting down front? What an ideal couple... More than anyone else in Denton, they represent the old values... Ike would have been proud of them."

"Oh, I never watch that..."

"Yes. Macabre, isn't it. The blind leading the blind."

"Betty, it's imperative we get Janet out of Flavors' fast fingers and Brad out of that hell-hole before they both disappear forever. If only I could place that name -- McKinley?"

"Faith, Betty. But make sure it's your own."

"But the false promise of a new dawn usually leads to a most bloody sunset."

"Hey, folks, it's Ricky from the Rest Home!"

"Brad will learn how to care in the surgical chair!"

"[singing] Ever since I was the eine kleine herren/It was the Cordon Bleu for which I am most carin'/And the one taste treat so sweet, it really can't be beat/Is what we have, ja, how you are, caviar, that little black mess!"

"Hoopla Denton!"

"The subject is committed. As are we all."

"They should be sent to the Danube at dawn."

"Everyone loves the girl next door, particularly Farley."

"[singing] Every since I was a little boy, dressing up has always been my greatest joy. But when it's time to be discreet, there's one thing you just can't beat and that's a strapless, backless classical little black dress."

"[singing] Romance is not a children's game."

"[singing] Dear blender/Now, won't you help a first offender?/Oh, toaster/Don't you put the burn on me/Refrigerator/Why are we always sooner or later/Bitchin' in the kitchen or cryin' in the bedroom all night?"