C. J. Dennis

"Get a —— move on, Have some —— sense. Learn the —— art of Self de- —— -fence!"

"It’s bad enough to be a bloke without one reel close friend; But when your dog gives you the bird it’s pretty near the end."

"Women is strange. You take my tip; I’m wise. I know enough to know I'll never know The ’uman female mind ..."

"Of all the gems in this wide world (No matter what their hue be), The one I find most beautiful Is certainly the emerald."

"It is on record (in a booklet written by Guy Innes) that when Dennis decided to migrate from South Australia he telegraphed his father, "Send ten pounds. Going ", to which appeal the old man promptly replied, "Sending nothing. Go to hell!""

": an ineffably pious person who mistakes this world for a penitentiary and himself for a warder."

"Oh, to be in England Now that Summer’s there! For who plays the Game in England Is each morning well aware That the cricket-pitch is water-logged, And the in-field’s wet and the out-field’s bogged: For it’s surely raining, anyhow, In England—now!"

"Now, a woman, she’s a woman. I ’ave fixed that for a cert. They’re jist as like as rows uv peas from ’at to ’em uv skirt. An’ then, they’re all so different, yeh find, before yeh’ve done, The more yeh know uv all uv ’em the less yeh know uv one."

"To mock the tree-lined highways of our dreaming, Winding to pleasant plains and sunlit hills, Loud-speakers yet may blare 'mid billboards screaming To hymn the praise of someone’s priceless pills."

"They say the whole world’s down and out; But here’s what I can’t see: If every land, beyond all doubt, In all the earth is up the spout— Then who's the mortgagee?"

"But it must not be thought that I abjure all physical effort. Only the day before yesterday I pulled up a dandelion. Next week I shall probably be busy pulling up the two other dandelions that will inevitably spring up in that place to avenge their brother. Dandelions are like that."

"Professional gardeners are usually rather earthy uncommunicative men with a deliberate manner, a slight stoop and the dull-fish-like eye of the confirmed pessimist."

"For many years it has been my habit to divide gardeners into three classes. These are professional gardeners, professional amateur gardeners, and amateur amateur gardeners."

"You might grow bored with being good; And, furthermore, I think you would."

""How would I hold a husband? Is it that you’re askin’ me? If it’s needful to hold, that is easily told— Be the scruff of his neck!" said she."

"I sometimes think stone is too precious truly, Bronze far too permanent for human clods Whom men rush in to celebrate unduly: Immortal stuff is for immortal gods Carved by great artists. Let the celebration Of men be in such stuff as may be pulped; Reserve the rock for glorious inspiration: Venus to pose, to sculpt."

"I disapprove of people who moot things."

"Of all the poetry I've read I’ve never yet seen one (he said) That couldn’t be, far as it goes, Much better written out in prose. It’s what they eat, I often think; Or, yet more likely, what they drink. Aw, poets! All the tribe, by heck, Give me a swift pain in the neck."

"But the snobs are ever with us, snobs of art, of place, of pelf. And, reading this, I rather think I might be one myself."

"Someone has said From the day we draw breath Until life be sped Two things are certain: Taxes and death. From the rise of the curtain, On life's dreary round, As hope wanes or waxes, Man ever found Two things are certain: Taxes and death— Especially taxes."

""Wot's in a name?" she sez. 'Struth, I dunno. Billo is just as good as Romeo."

"Willy! O 'ell! 'Ere wus a flamin' pill! A moniker that alwus makes me ill. "If it's the same to you, mum," I replies "I answer quicker to the name of Bill.""

"Love is a gamble, an' there ain't no certs."

"Farmer! That's me! Wiv this 'ere strong right 'and I've gripped the plough; and blistered jist a treat. Doreen an' me 'as gone upon the land. Yours truly fer the burden an' the 'eat!"

"We done poor Muvver proud when she went out— A slap-up send-orf, trimmed wiv tears an' crape."

""A boy!" she sez. "An' bofe is doin' well!" I drops into a chair, an' jist sez—"'Ell!" It was a pray'r. I feels bofe crook an' glad. ... An' that's the strength of bein' made a dad."

"Yeh live, yeh love, yeh learn; an' when yeh come To square the ledger in some thortful hour, The everlastin' answer to the sum Must allus be, "Where's sense in gittin' sour?""

"Livin' an' lovin'; learnin' day be day; Pausin' a minute in the barmy strife To find that 'elpin' others on the way Is gold coined fer your profit—sich is life."

"Look fer yer profits in the 'earts o' friends, Fer 'atin' never paid no dividends."

"Livin' an' lovin'; learnin' to fergive The deeds an' words of some un'appy bloke Who's missed the bus—so 'ave I come to live, An' take the 'ole mad world as 'arf a joke."

"Sittin' at ev'nin' in this sunset-land, Wiv 'Er in all the World to 'old me 'and, A son, to bear me name when I am gone. ... Livin' an' lovin'—so life mooches on."