"[repeated line] P-p-p-please!"

"My whole purpose in life is to...make...people...laugh!"

"[angrily to Eddie] Dames?! What dames?! Jessica is the only one for me! You will see! We will rise above this picklin…"

"Is there nothing that can permeate your impervious puss? Hey, Eddie! (makes silly noise) Boy, nothing!"

"A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it is the only weapon we have."

"Yes, it is me my dearest. I'd love to embrace you, but first, I have to satisfy my sense of moral outrage! [Judge Doo…"

"Scotch on the rocks. And I mean ice! [Penguin waiters from Mary Poppins]"

"[to Earl, who recently got laid off] Here's to the pencil pushers. May they all get lead poisoning."

"Nice booby trap!"

"Oh, my God! It's DIP!!!"