"You're still a shit sandwich... you're just not a soggy one. I will no longer refer to you as turds. From this day fo…"

"[To Emily about being married] Negative. I figure if the marines wanted me to have a wife, they'd of issued me one."

"[To the squad, while watching them all run wearing dresses] I tell you, ladies; you're the prettiest unit ever under …"

"[While confronting a blind kid with his dog] You know there ain't no pets allowed on this here premises, Mr. Ace Vent…"

"Hey Corporal. [Payne's adopted son, Tiger steps out in front and faces him] Go tell Mom to get my field knife."

"[To a hulking biker dude, whom the squad hired to muss him up] I heard tell your mother's so fat, she uses planets fo…"

"[Introducing the squad to their new barracks] A squad that lives together, wins together! "Unity", turds; that is the…"

"Welcome to the House of Payne."

"He's looking for a few good men...or at least a few guys old enough to shave."

"ONE...don't you feel dumb. TWO...look at you! THREE...don't you ever make jokes about me behind my back or else I'll …"