"I've never seen eggs cracked more conscientiously. Or slowly. Speed, man! Speed is the essence. Do it the Haines way.…"

"Now, then. I am going to be blunt and make some very cutting remarks."

"They can't do this to me! Changing the barman? It's like ripping out the engine!"

"Sid James - Captan Crowther"

"Kenneth Williams - First Officer Marjoriebanks"

"Lance Percival - Chef Wilfred Haines"

"A comedy about a teacher and a very memorable student."

"Michael Caine - Dr Frank Bryant"

"Julie Walters - Susan "Rita" White"

"Michael Williams - Brian"