"I've never seen eggs cracked more conscientiously. Or slowly. Speed, man! Speed is the essence. Do it the Haines way.…"

"Now, then. I am going to be blunt and make some very cutting remarks."

"They can't do this to me! Changing the barman? It's like ripping out the engine!"

"We understand each other. With some difficulty, but we do understand each other."

"Kenneth Williams - First Officer Marjoriebanks"

"Lance Percival - Chef Wilfred Haines"

"A comedy about a teacher and a very memorable student."

"Michael Caine - Dr Frank Bryant"

"Julie Walters - Susan "Rita" White"

"Michael Williams - Brian"