"I only wanted to get laid, instead I'm getting fucked."

"We save her, we screw us, and vice versa. But think- who's worth saving here? Who's created this problem? Someone is …"

"[to Nick] I've built up a certain tolerance for your fuck-ups."

"[Nick is reaching for the stolen note, which Lissa has hidden in her private parts] You could at least kiss me when y…"

"Bad Ass Dude: Boy, you got a funny idea about chivalry. When me and my lady go driving, she always rides up front wit…"

"Bad Ass Dude: What, you never fucked a friend before?"

"Relationships can be murder."

"Ever feel like the world is conspiring against you... You don't have to tell me where you've been... Everyone sucks, …"

"Alessandro Nivola - Nick"

"Reese Witherspoon - Lissa"