"You put your bombers in, you put your conscience out, You take the human being and you twist it all about So scrub my skin with women Chain my tongue with whisky Stuff my nose with garlic Coat my eyes with butter Fill my ears with silver Stick my legs in plaster Tell me lies about Vietnam."

"Lovers lie around in it Broken glass is found in it Grass I like that stuff"

"Here are some happy English soldiers. They are going to make the Irish happy."

"May I borrow your wheelbarrow? — I didn't lay down my life in World War II so that you could borrow my wheelbarrow"

"Now God killed John Lennon and he let Barry Manilow survive, But the good Lord blessed little Adrian Mitchell with the fastest cock alive."

"I would have walked on the water But I wasn't fully insured. And the BMA sent a writ my way With the very first leper I cured."

"When I am sad and weary When I think all hope has gone When I walk along High Holborn I think of you with nothing on"