48 quotes found
"Okay! You know how you're on a airplane and the flight attendant asks you to turn your cell-phone off. And you're like, I ain't turning my cell-phone off, that don't have nothing to do with no damn airplane. Well, [Showing the crowd a crashed spaceship] this is what we get, that's what happens. It gets up there, bounces around on the satellites, then blam! Just turn your damn cell-phone off. Now you're gonna drive off a cliff tonight because your GPS don't work."
"[talking to K at Wu’s restaurant] Man, I am getting too old for this. I can only imagine how you feel."
"[looking at an ugly alien fish] Ooh, man, you look like you come from the planet... Damn."
"May I have your attention please... [Neuralyzes a crowd] Okay. You know how your kid won the goldfish in that little baggy from the school fair, but you didn't want that nasty thing in your house so you told your kid it ran away but what you really did was flush it down the toilet? Well, this what happens. [Points to an alien fish being towed away] Okay, see what I'm talking about? Don't lie to your kids!"
"No, I call ladies "O." To me O is feminine, K is masculine. Y'know, I see a couple, I'm like... OK."
"First of all, my name is J. Okay? It's not Son, it's not Slick, and it damn sure ain't no Cochise."
"[from trailer, talking to Marco, a graffiti alien, and a graffiti artist] Crazy, right? Two grown men, talking to the wall, wall talking back, it's a mess. But hey. Don't even worry about it."
"[Upon seeing K’s car destroyed by Boris’ motorcycle after Boris captured Griffin] Damn it!"
"[To Boris] 'You might wanna get a pedicure if you get a second.'"
"[After seeing 1969 K shoot 1969 Boris] Where there's death, there will always be death."
"[giving a eulogy] I worked with Zed for over 40 years and in all that time he never invited me to dinner, he never asked me to his house to watch a game, he never shared a single detail of his personal life. [long pause] Thank you!"
"I don't ask questions I don't want to know the answer to."
"(To J): 'Boris the Animal...I put him away a long time ago, it's the worst mistake I ever made.'"
"(To O on the phone): '...Lunar Max Prison- Boris the Animal.'"
"(To Boris): 'You haven't changed very much. I see the arm I shot off is...still shot off.'"
"[While pointing his gun in J's temple] We'll take it from here."
"(Before shooting 1969 Boris) Not this time."
"[repeated line, whenever someone calls him "Boris the Animal"] It's just Boris!"
"Let's agree to disagree!"
"[after his weasel animal settles into the cavity in his hand] You complete me."
"[hanging on to Lily, preventing her from being sucked out into space] Sorry, darling. We did love the cake. [releases her]"
"Let's rewrite history, shall we, K?"
"(To K): 'Yes, my arm. (Speaking to his pet) We've thought about that moment...(looking up) everyday...for the last 40 years.'"
"(To past self) ' With my help, we'll get the Arc Net, kill Agent K, the invasion will be successful and we'll get to keep both of our ar...AR...ARRR...STOP STARING AT IT!'"
"[last words] Go ahead. Arrest me."
"[repeated line] That was a close one."
"A miracle is what seems impossible but happens anyway."
"'When that ball is pitched to Davey Johnson- who only became a baseball player because his father couldn't find him a football to give him for his eighth birthday- it hits his bat two micrometers too high, causing him to pop out to Cleon Jones- who would have been born Clara, a statistical typist, if his parents didn't have an extra glass of wine that night before going to bed.'"
"I lost my planet. I don't want you to lose yours. It'll take a miracle, but if you pull this off, you'll be my new favorite moment in human history."
"-[followed on] 'Oh dear, I never see this one coming.'"
"Where there is death... there will always be death."
"You know, all movies go through a lot of drafts, and on this one, everyone just decided to make a bigger deal out of that. What I would say is, what made finessing the script harder on this one is that we were combining two genres. We were combining a Men in Black movie and a time travel movie and we had never done a time travel movie before. I can’t tell you how many times we watched Back to the Future. But the thing about time travel is you have to really set up the rules. You have to make sure the audience understands the rules. You have to make sure the characters understand the rules and you have to have the audience understand why the characters are doing the things they are doing to achieve what they need to do. And you’ve got two different Borises, you’ve got Young K and Old K. So, making these movies are hard enough and making a time travel movie is double hard. And putting them both together is quadruple hard. That’s what took a lot of drafts, because you’d think you solved a problem in the second act and then someone would wake up at 3:00 in the morning and go, “Wait a minute, we can’t kill him first, then the other one dies too.” So obviously in a perfect world you work that out [in the script] ten years ago."
"Will Smith as Agent J"
"Tommy Lee Jones as Agent K"
"Josh Brolin as Young Agent K"
"Jemaine Clement as Boris the Animal"
"Emma Thompson as Agent O"
"Michael Stuhlbarg as Griffin"
"Mike Colter as Colonel James Darrell Edwards, Jr."
"Michael Chernus as Jeffrey Price"
"Alice Eve as Young Agent O"
"Nicole Scherzinger as Lily"
"David Rasche as Agent X"
"Keone Young as Mr. Wu"
"Bill Hader as Andy Warhol / Agent W"
"Will Arnett as Agent AA"
"Lanny Flaherty as Obadiah Price"
"Cayen Martin as Young James Darrell Edwards III/Young Agent J"