406 quotes found
"Well, thanks, "Freak". I'm off to go find Coyote Bongwater... can't believe I just said that."
"Cryptography? That's practically my middle name! Well, my only name."
"Attention, Blisk: I am Cryptosporidium of the Planet Furon. This planet is now a territory of the Furon Empire, and your asses belong to ME!"
"[seeing Natalya for the first time] Whoa... I've had wet dreams that weren't this good..."
"Prison island? You mean, the KGB are holed up in Australia?"
"[coughs] What was all that about? Uh, my freakin' head... this gas is noxious, smells like Pox's underwear... Don't ask me how I know that."
"My name is Luke... Crypto, and I'm here to rescue you."
"This will be the greatest thing in your life since you found out that boil on your butt was just a marshmallow."
"The sensor cell connects to the focal plane; the focal plane connects to the plasma beam... I know you're waitin' for me to sing that damn song. Well, I ain't doin' it. I've got standards; they may not be high, but I've got 'em. Also, we couldn't get the rights."
"Brings a freakin' tear to my eye."
"Put this in your bong and smoke it!"
"I'm a freakin' supernova!"
"What? Park full of potheads and none of you ever had erectile dysfunction? [no response] Last time I open up to you people..."
"Yippee-ki-yay, Mother Russia."
"[if Crypto isn't able to use certain abilities on certain people or objects] I need an upgrade from the Gene Blender."
"[while battling Kojira Kaiju] DIE, YOU OVERGROWN LIZARD-MONKEY!"
"[while battling Kojira Kaiju] Oh, sure, giant lady-lizard grows a new femur anytime she destroys something, while Crypto has to go and drain vehicles like a sissy! Game designers.... sheesh."
"[while battling Kojira Kaiju] Old Kojira was hoppin' around Takoshima City like a big playground... gets stuck in my head every time... [reference to The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny song]"
"Ponsonby was right about one thing: everybody cracks."
"Takoshima. Oriental setting. And the city don't know what the city is getting."
"Feel the earth move under your feet! Castle Kuro's tumblin' down!"
"[convincing the White Ninjas to worship Arkvoodle] Now go forth and multiply-- I mean, serve! Which, in this case, is the same thing..."
"[trying to act "charming" in Moon Base Solaris] Hello, Solaris! Hello, Solaris! Is this a great-looking crowd or what? Seriously, don't drop the soap in the shower, fellas!"
"I shall continue my repairs on the saucer, and then I shall... I don't know, order a virtual pizza or something. Brains, I hate this."
"Crypto! You found all the Nexus Crystals! And I owe Gastro a fiver."
"Crypto, If you can hear me, meet me in the park. It seems that treacherous human's damaged some of your equipment. No, I'm not referring your new "package"!"
"Oh, sure, point out that I'm dead again. It just gets funnier every 50th time you do it, doesn't it?"
"Ah, Albion, where the sun never sets and the natives never floss."
"The saucer's sensor is picking up significant radiation levels all around you, Crypto. Either Gastro's gout is acting up, or there must be fuel rods nearby."
"That cinches it, Crypto! You've destroyed the Blisk Base! I've half a mind to put you up for a medal - but only half."
"Never heard of... I'm Orthopox 13 man! The Orthopox 13! Conqueror of Zargon 5? Hero of the battle of Tharsis Mons? Winner of the Xanthrax-47 mental cruelty award six years running? I'm the second most senior fleet commander in the entire Furon Navy! I was enslaving hyper-dimensional insectoids in the dunghills of Beedleblat when you were still in short pants! And you've never heard of me?"
"... Yes I did, Crypto, but that won't help. Albion is full of tunnels, pipes, and excavations galore. It's like a moldy sponge, built atop noxious Swiss cheese."
"Just in time, Crypto! Bongwater has launched his ships at the city! You must stop them from polluting the air with Revelade! I'll be monitoring the level of Revelade in the atmosphere. But you'd better destroy those blimps quickly, Crypto, because if the Revelade level reaches 100% saturation, our Bay City brain farm will be turned into a useless den of unmotivated degenerates sitting in front of their TV screens, twiddling their thumbs... Ahem!"
"[as Kojira looms over him] Don't crush me! DON'T CRUSH ME! Oh brains! My lives are flashing before my eyes! KILL IT, CRYPTO! KILL IT!"
"It doesn't make any sense! Every time Kojira destroys a building, her health regenerates! It's an cultural CATASTROPHE! Destroy them before she has a chance to!"
"[during final battle; Milenkov has become an armoured Blisk] Brains! Milenkov must have a recharging unit somewhere on his body - but where?! Damn you, Blisk Anatomy 101!"
"Of course! Crypto, Milenkov's recharging unit IS his armour! Take out those plates and he'll become vulnerable! And also... naked. Brace yourself for the horror..."
"Reginald Ponsonby Smythe, at your service and Her Majesty's. Although in her case, the service is secret."
"The sun has not set on this Empire! It's just... gone behind a cloud or something..."
"And now for something... completely different."
"For Majestic! For Silhouette!"
"Silhoutte was the only woman I'll ever love! Good job I've still got the men, though."
"[after drugging Crypto] Lower life-forms, when will they ever learn?"
"Nice teeth, you want to keep them? Then go away."
"Crypto is sweet... well he's not sweet, but he's kind. Okay, he's not kind, but he's cute... in a mutated rodent sort of way."
"Sergei is the kind of guy you date, not the kind you marry. And Crypto's not even the type you date. Actually, Crypto's not even a man."
"How could you, Stalin?! You fed us lies and murdered millions! Cute moustache, though."
"Blin, I hate being "naked"... and by being "naked," of course, I mean "operating without backup or cover." Get your mind out of the gutter!"
"You think it is easy being a female superspy? Try finding maxi-pads at two in the morning in Minsk! I'd like to see James Bond pull THAT one off..."
"Looks like I got here just in time. Now come on, spaceman, move your ass!"
"I have four knives concealed on my body and I'm lethal with all of them. Concentrate!"
"Crypto, I like you, but I will neuter you if I have to."
"All right, spaceman, you line them up, I'll knock them down."
"Crypto, I was the best shot in my class and I once fought my way out of an East German football riot wearing a West German jersey. I'm not a sidekick. No offense taken."
"The desecration of this land offends my all-seeing eye! Rid the vicinity of human-made refuse! Thus spake Arkvoodle! [after area is cleared] Sacred son of Arkvoodle, thou hast pleased me well! For thy service, I grant thee some serious swag: landing zone activated!"
"The glory of Arkvoodle grows from the highest state of chaotic fecundity! When the ring turns orange and the population's nerves are frayed, then shall the ground be fit to sow, and the masses shall follow! Thus spake Arkvoodle! Bow-chicka-bow-down!"
"From the ashes of terror and destruction, Arkvoodle is reborn to spread the good pick-up line of erotic satiation! Go, son of Arkvoodle! Take the Sacred Crotch to the masses!"
"Arkvoodle requires slaves! Female slaves! Preferably buxom and scantily clad. By the Sacred Genitalia, heed the word of Arkvoodle! [when female humans are brought] These females are "fly" and "off the hook"! Landing zone activated!"
"Bring me humans, alive and squirming, that I may suck up their lifeforce like Voltarian linquilipedes... in spicy solar clam sauce, mmm! Arkvoodle has spoken! [when brought humans] My omnivorous hunger is sated! Landing zone activated! It rhymes! I'm a poet and I know it not!"
"The humans have offended me! Therefore probe them in their nether regions, to teach them discipline! Arkvoodle the High and Mighty commands thee! [after Crypto does so] The humans have been probed! ... And there was much titillation! Landing zone activated!"
"It is written in the Book of Divine Fabrications that "the Great God of the Sacred Crotch was not made and cannot be unmade! Arkvoodle is, always was, and always will be!" And for once, they got it right. Fire at my idol with your Disintegrator Ray! I'll show you. [after idol is shot] Told you. Nonetheless, I shall unlock the landing zone. Thanks for playing."
"It is written in the Book of Divine Fabrications that "only a white warrior with the soul of a Furon can strike the face of Arkvoodle and restore balance to the Force!" Or some such nonsense. Anyhow, bring me a white ninja."
"I've been keeping hold of this alien predator for eons, trapped deep within, suspended in time... Why? Well, frankly, it snores, and the vibrations give me a tickle. But I'm just not in the mood right now. Take it away! [after obtaining the Burrow Beast datacore] Thank you, son of Arkvoodle. It was beginning to chafe. And thank you also for creating a cult in mine honour - being worshipped makes mine eternal gyroscopes oscillate, if you know what I meanest..."
"Son of Arkvoodle, I have a, err... hmm, how shall I say this? I have a "blockage". It's really most vexing; it pulses and throbs deep inside me! Oh, I mean, REALLY deep! All the way down, follow me? Hast thou any implement that might relieve this deep inner blockage? ... D'oh, brains! Do I have to draw you a map?! [after idol is shot with Anal Probe] Ohhhh, yeaaaaahhh... oh, that's good... Woo! Smooth sailing from here on out! Well done, my son!"
"Low voltage warning! My power is diminished! I must have the healing only a torrid rush of hyper-energized electrons can bring! [after idol is shot with Zap-O-Matic] I HAVE THE POWER! Landing zone activated!"
"All around thee, my son, lurk agents of destruction, dispatched on their fell mission by I know not whom. Could be Dodecalypse, that bastard's always screwing with me. In any case, bring me one of these "KGB agents", so I may look into its insidious heart and know the face of its master! [when brought KGB agent] Phew! It's dark in that heart! Well, sooner or later, the truth will let out. Landing zone activated!"
"Thou shalt render no images of false gods - especially ones which are more attractive than mine! Eliminate those idols! [after statues are destroyed] This idol threat has been eliminated! Heheheheh, I amuse mine own self. Landing zone activated!"
"Ooooh, big tough infidels with mighty implements with which to work the very rock of this tiny world. I am so impressed... NOT! Smash their monstrous contraptions!"
"Thou obviously canst not land if thy landing zone is bestrewnst with drums filledst with toxic waste...st! Get rid of those barrels!"
"I am the light! Thou shalt have no other light before me! Which means that lighthouse has to go!"
"[if Crypto goes near one while possessing a human] You've got cojones! We'll give you that!"
"[if Crypto goes near one while possessing a human] Watch it! We just got the shell waxed!"
"[if Crypto strikes one with an explosive barrel of waste] Boiling is the preferred method, actually."
"[if Crypto strikes one with an explosive barrel of waste] Deep-fried lobster tail!"
"[seeing Crypto kill a human] Deep-fried! Worst way to go..."
"[trying to lure out Crypto] We got cheerleaders...!"
"[trying to retreat] We left the oven on!"
"[when damaged by Crypto] OWIE!"
"If only people could get past the shell and see the real us... Err, nah, it's all pretty much ugly."
"After thousands of years, revenge will taste oh so sweet! I could go for a jellybean too..."
"We came, we saw, and we're gonna kick your ass!"
"We have come to kick ass and chew humans!"
"We will rock you!"
"Furon bastard!"
"Claws, don't fail me now!"
"They love us in Halifax!"
"What did that human mean, "bottom-feeder"?"
"What did that human mean, "Thermidor"?"
"One more drawn butter joke, and we swear, we're out of here!"
"[hums organ line from "Rock Lobster"] There goes a narwhal! Whoa!"
"Lobsters ROCK!"
"Gastro: Somebody need an ass-whoppin'?"
"Gastro: Go-Go Gastro!"
"Tunguska KGB: If I were an animal, I would be rabbit. Oh, and with an AK-47."
"Tunguska KGB: [after Crypto picks him up] Well, it's better than Aeroflot."
"KGB Agent: Inside, I am being hysterical."
"KGB Agent: They have colours beside gray outside Soviet Union!"
"KGB Agent: Ah, Stalin - a nation of admiring workers gives you its thanks. Except for ones you killed..."
"KGB Agent: Damn you, Americans! You taunt me with your decadent fast food! Your colas, your delectable cheeseburgers, your onion rings with the zesty dipping sauces... eh... DAMN YOU!"
"Secret Agent: Quincy, Mortimer Quincy... Oh it still doesn't sound right."
"White Ninja Leader: We will defend you to the death, oh Furon Lord, but first we must compose our death haikus."
"White Ninja: Think this looks easy?/You try thinking in haiku./See how long you last!"
"White Ninja: See? You learn how to/Make haiku while you play game!/Now you try at home!"
"White Ninja: Does the walker choose/The path or path the walker?/Whoa, dude - that is deep."
"White Ninja: Why must we wear white?/It stains so easily. Do/I look fat in this?"
"White Ninja: I liked the first game./I hope this one's just as good./And that I don't die."
"White Ninja: Extras are so sad./No one thinks of us at all./We just want your love!"
"White Ninja: Dendrophiles are hot./Too bad I am not a tree./Then I would get some."
"White Ninja: Salmon swim upstream/Until they spawn or they die./Fish sex must be great."
"White Ninja: I am not teenaged,/Nor a mutant, nor turtle./Liked the comic, though."
"White Ninja: Angelina J,/You're not even been born yet, but/I can hardly wait."
"Black Ninja: Why think in haiku/When I speak in normal prose?/Better not to ask."
"Black Ninja: What if we are all/Characters in video game?/Now my mind is blown!"
"Black Ninja: Ninjas and pirates/Always at each other's throats./Can we not be friends?"
"Black Ninja: AmiYumi girls/Have not even been born yet./Oh, my aching heart!"
"Bay City Urban Male: Damn druggies. Why can't they just abuse alcohol like the rest of us?"
"Bay City Urban Male: Wonder if my Nudist Monthly came in the mail today..."
"Bay City Urban Female: Burn my bra? And get all saggy?! Please!"
"Bay City Urban Female: What does Sue Storm do with her clothes?"
"Bay City Urban Female: Roger's never going to leave his wife - good thing I'm doing her too!"
"Bay City Urban Female: All right, I'm finally liberated! ... Now what?"
"Bay City Hippie: Man, what are you on? I want some!"
"Big City Hippie Girl: Sex, drugs, rock and roll... DO I HAVE TO PICK?!"
"Big City Hippie Girl: Newsflash, Brad: "sexual liberation" does NOT mean open season on grabbin' my ass!"
"Big City Hippie Girl: The kids? Eh, they're all right."
"Big City Hippie Girl: I don't care what she says - I'm not letting Ruth Gordon take away MY demon baby!"
"Big City Hippie Girl: "The Adventures of Luke Starkiller"? Yeah, right! You keep dreaming, Georgie!"
"The Freak: I don't know his real name, but he calls himself, COYOTE BONGWATER! ... Which is pretty righteous."
"Shama Llama: Hail Arkvoodle! Lord of the sacred crotch!"
"KGB Cosmonaut: Despite fact there is being no air, I am hearing something."
"KGB Cosmonaut: Compared to Soviet Union, moon is looking like colorful paradise!"
"KGB Cosmonaut: From here, Earth is looking like... blue cheese!"
"Tunguska Soldier: Beating on proletariat is good job, but hours are murder. HA HA! HA HA!"
"Albion Policeman: Stop! Or I'll say... "stop" again."
"Albion Policeman: Move! Or I'll say... "move" again!"
"Albion Square: [while dancing] Can you direct me to the Ministry of Silly Walks, please?"
"Albion Hippie Girl: I'm gonna be the first hooker elected Prime Minister! Unless Thatcher gets there first..."
"Albion Hippie: Little Green Americans! Little Green Americans!"
"Albion Square: An American! AIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Russian Mafia Thug: Why is Russian mafia needing to kill innocent people? Our government is doing a good enough job with that already."
"The Freak: I wonder if there really is life on other planets. I wonder if aliens really do walk among us. I wonder if an alien is reading my mind RIGHT NOW!"
"African-American Hippie: My favorite Jackson? Gotta be Michael. He's just so normal!"
"Agent Soychorski: Curse you, Furon! I am atheist, but on the off-chance hell exists, I will haunt you from beyond!"
"Yamanosuke Hirotaro:: Maybe I go to Hollywood, make martial arts movie about me and put black basketball star in it as bad guy. Nah! It would never work."
"Russian Male Peasant: Supposedly, scientists are performing numerous nuclear experiments in town. I suppose it would explain why I am peeing green."
"Russian Female Peasant: How come there are only two types of bras in Russia? Slovenly or femme fatale?"
"Russian Female Scientist: Is safe to be scientist - we are least expendable, no? Government would never harm great minds of society!"
"Russian Female Scientist: Against all probability, probability machine is functioning perfectly! Cat in box, on other hand, may be dead. Or not. Hard to say."
"Russian Female Scientist: Einstein, Bohr, Asimov - male scientists get all glory! All women are getting is dead radiologist!"
"Russian Female Scientist: Someday, my prince will come... damn the Soviet mail system!"
"Russian Female Scientist: Lately have been feeling as though am just following script... as if am reading lines written for me by someone... eerie."
"Russian Male Peasant: If Leninism, Trotskyism and Stalinism are all agreeing with Marxism... is this making them Marx Brothers?"
"Russian Male Peasant: Mind says Lenin, but body says Stalin. And shockingly, at heart I am being straight capitalist. Go figuring."
"Russian Male Peasant: Why one never is seeing any children around? Is not as if workers can be affording contraception!"
"Russian Male Peasant: Am still finding difficult to be sitting... next time, must be putting pants on before lighting petrol."
"The Freak: I am a fish... I am a fish... I AM A FISH!"
"KGB Cosmonaut: I am being scientist and I'm okay. I'm working all night and sleeping all day. (parody of Monty Python's Lumberjack Song)"
"Bay City Cop: Ah, the people I protect and serve... how I hate them so."
"Bay City Army: I just joined the army to get money to go to college. No one said anything about killing people!"
"Albion Urban: I've had sex twice. Once in Eton with my roommate, and once with my wife on our honeymoon. Frankly, I don't see what all the fuss is about."
"Black Ninja: [When PKed] Who will save Ninja?!"
"Yakuza: Mama say! Mama san! Ma Yakuza! (reference to Soul Makossa)"
"KGB Cosmonaut: Stupid Americans! Getting bogged down in a no-win situation in Vietnam! Russians will never be stupid enough to do that! I wonder how Afghanistan is this time of year?"
"Takoshima Cop: You think I’m coming after you? You crazy!"
"Takoshima Cop: You want bullet in ass?!"
"Takoshima Cop: [When PKed] Higher, Higher!"
"Takoshima Cop: [When PKed] Put cop down!"
"Takoshima Cop: What? Haven't you ever seen an Asian man pretend to be black before?"
"Black Ninja: Stop killing people! That's my job."
"Yakuza: What? Why you stare? It just because I'm black?"
"Takoshima General: [if Crypto causes enough destruction to get to yellow alert level] Calling emperor's army!"
"Takoshima General: [if Crypto causes enough destruction to get to yellow alert level] Sending super warriors or army!"
"Takoshima General: [if Crypto causes enough destruction to get to yellow alert level] We need army! Do we still have one?!"
"Takoshima General: [during the Kojira Kaiju battle; he will say this rarely when you hit red alert level] GOJIRA! MONSTER! AIIIIIEEEEYYAAAAA!"
"Black Ninja: Ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny!"
"Black Ninja: For great justice! (reference to the introduction scene in the game Zero Wing)."
"Black Ninja: Prepare yourself for death!"
"Black Ninja: You’ll die now, dragon!"
"Albion Female Hippie: Me mind says John; me body says Paul; me soul says George. So why do I always end up going home with Ringo?"
"Albion Male Urban: My mind says David Frost, but my body says Benny Hill."
"Leonid: Oh God, how am I going to face them all? They're fed up with this place - and I can't blame them! We sold our principles to a race of... of GIANT SPACE CRABS FROM MARS! It's the oldest cliché in the book! Oh, I am not fit to be a Soviet hero..."
"Leonid: Pull yourself together, Leonid! Khrushchev always said, "The proletariat are like dogs; they can smell fear! Even in a vacuum, nyet?""
"Japanese Male: Should I join White Ninja, or Black Ninja? On one hand, White Ninja are in glorious harmony with universe. On other hand, Black Ninja get to live on island north of Takoshima City. White Ninja get spiritual fulfillment. Black Ninja get paid. Black Ninja."
"Japanese Male: Excuse me, may I kiss the sky!"
"Japanese Female: Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto... FOR NOTHING!"
"Japanese Female: Geisha should not have such bad reputation. They go down in history! In fact, they very good at going down! Haha! Zing!"
"Japanese Female: Why co-eds always wear such short skirts? Nothing sexy about prying thighs from frozen park bench!"
"Japanese Female: Husband pacifist! Never in army! So why he always say he "going commando"?"
"Japanese Female: I would like to continue affair with kamikaze pilot Hideki-san, but just feel like relationship has no future..."
"Japanese Schoolgirl: Best thing about being eighteen years old? I be this age forever!"
"Japanese Schoolgirl: Maybe tomorrow I will eat something. Naaaah..."
"Japanese Schoolgirl: Tomorrow I wearing pants, dammit!"
"Secret Agent: Is the world ready for a gay super spy? I didn't think so. Back in the closet, Double-Oh-Pooftah!"
"KGB Cosmonaut: Die, you Astro bastard!"
"African-American Hippie: Cracker."
"African-American Hippie: Dead honky."
"African-American Hippie: Yeah, it's big."
"African-American Hippie: Honky."
"Officer Johnson: Police headquarters, Officer Johnson."
"Crypto: Hey! Why the long face?"
"Officer Johnson: What?"
"Crypto: I'm lookin' for Mr. Jass, first name Hugh."
"Officer Johnson: Please call back when you have an original joke, sir."
"Crypto: Do you deliver?"
"Officer Johnson: Yes, but there's a two dollar surcharge... wait, what?"
"Crypto: Yeah, I want to put down fifty large on the Niners?"
"Officer Johnson: I can cover that, sir."
"Crypto: What are you wearing?"
"Officer Johnson: Black polyester, sir. And I'm going commando."
"Albion Policeman: Scotland Yard here. State your emergency."
"Crypto: Is your fridge running?"
"Albion Policeman: So YOU'RE the bastard who shut off our electricity!"
"Albion Police Officer: Scotland Yard here, state your emergency."
"Crypto: When do you...get off?"
"Albion Police Officer: 5 PM on the dot everyday! And that's when I finish work too!"
"Crypto: Ever hear of someone called Sherlock Holmes?"
"Albion Policeman: Why, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle! Good to hear from you!"
"Crypto: Inspector Freely, please?"
"Albion Policeman: There's no such officer here! And yes, I urinate with no obstructions whatsoever!"
"Crypto: May I speak to officer Michael Hunt?"
"Albion Policeman: What part of "T for Teen" don't you understand, sir?"
"Takoshima Police Woman: Moshi moshi! Takoshima Defense Force!"
"Crypto: How many Takoshimese does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
"Takoshima Police Woman: Silly prank caller, we use neon!"
"Crypto: Do you like scary movies?"
"Takoshima Police Woman: Hai! You offering?"
"Crypto: I can save you two dollars per minute on your international and long-distance calls!"
"Takoshima Police Woman: We already on calling plan, sorry."
"Crypto: Hello? Is this the Suicide Hotline? 'Cause I'm feelin' pretty incredibly depres-"
"Takoshima Police Woman: Please hold."
"Crypto: [sound of heavy breathing]"
"Takoshima Police Woman: Boyfriend-san! Not while I at work! You make me have to take special trip to ladies' room!"
"Tunguska KGB Officer: KGB Headquarters. How may I directing your call?"
"Crypto: I'm looking for Schlodovodowisic Smirnoff."
"Tunguska KGB Officer: He is not being here, may I be taking message?"
"Crypto: Hey, is your fridge running?"
"Tunguska KGB Officer: What is being fridge?"
"Crypto: Hey! I'm the guy you're looking for!"
"Tunguska KGB Officer: You are being such jerk, Ivan."
"Crypto: Yeah, can I talk to Agent Meeov, first name Jack?"
"Tunguska KGB Officer: I am not knowing. Are you having lotion around?"
"Crypto: Is this information?"
"Tunguska KGB Officer: No this is disinformation. Please hold, I connect you."
"KGB Cosmonaut: Secret Soviet Moonbase Solaris!"
"Crypto: COME QUICK! THERE'S SOME AMERICAN WACKO PLAYING GOLF ON THE MOON!"
"KGB Cosmonaut: Da - be pulling other one."
"Crypto: D'ja hear about the phone that worked on the moon, despite the fact there's no air?"
"KGB Cosmonaut: Shut upski."
"Crypto: Is your biodome runnin'?"
"KGB Cosmonaut: I am hearing this joke before..."
"Crypto: Yeah, I ordered a pizza, like, seven million years ago!"
"KGB Cosmonaut: Is being on way comrade, driver is just leaving."
"Crypto: Yeah, can I speak to comrade Meeov, first name Jack?"
"KGB Cosmonaut: You are thinking I'm falling for that one?"
"Will wonders never cease?"
"This place is great!"
"Everybody ready? Cuz Lightning is about to strike!"
"Hey, how long have we been in here?"
"You know I'm in!"
"Okay, back to reality for a moment."
"I am SO made for this!"
"Kachow, let’s do this!"
"Remember, I am speed."
"Say it with me. Kachow!"
"I'm ready to roll!"
"This is a little something I picked up from a friend."
"Don't feel bad, this is just easy for me."
"This is why they call me Lightning!"
"Nice knowing ya!"
"Fast and smooth!"
"Time to get serious."
"Hope you like my taillights. You'll be seeing a lot of them."
"Man, you're slower than Lizzie!"
"Oh, don't let my 4 Piston Cups intimidate you!"
"Ohh, bring it on!"
"Oh no, you don’t!"
"I better pick it up."
"Oh, excuse me."
"Sorry about that, Francesco! Maybe you can hammer it out."
"That's right, Mater. I mean business!"
"Oh yeah, bring out the bad guys!"
"Ha, gotcha!"
"Hope you have good insurance!"
"Another one!"
"Outrun this!"
"Kachow and kaboom!"
"Ow, come on! Really?!"
"Okay, I'm done playing nice!"
"Ow, what was that for?!"
"What? Hey, Mater, watch the aim!"
"Haha, let's go!"
"Whew, I'll never get used to that."
"Now, that's what I call racing."
"Special agent Lightning McQueen, at your service."
"Does this place have an echo? Dad gum!"
"I feel like I’m in one of them sci-fi movies."
"Welcome to the C. H. R. O. M. E training academy."
"I come from a long line of tech savvy cars."
"What an honor it is for you to race with Francesco."
"In Italia, it is often said that I am faster than Lightning, you get it? It is a joke for you, Lightning McQueen."
"I know what you're thinking, yes! You can take a Francesco's picture."
"Take a good look at Francesco now. Once the race begins, you will see only a blur."
"Look at me go, it’s like poetry in motion."
"Ah, Francesco, you're bursting with energy."
"Hey, I laugh at you!"
"Move aside and watch."
"Hahaha! This is what Francesco needed!"
"Ha ha ha! I will drive circles around them all!"
"ÇaRoule, Ca-rules! Ha ha ha!"
"My speed is frightening, I know."
"Yeah, I can do things you thought were impossible!"
"I will dominate."
"Master the drift."
"I enjoy this!"
"The power awaits me."
"This will trim a few seconds off my time."
"Here I go!"
"Onward to my victory!"
"This boost is my ticket to victory!"
"Reporting for duty!"
"Oh no, do not mess with me when my RPMs are high!"
"Right then, let me at that track!"
"It is time to take the bulldozer… by the horns."
"Why so slow?! Are your tires flat? Hahaha."
"This is how I do it!"
"Bye bye! ¡Adios!"
"The competition will be no competition."
"So, you have discovered my secret headquarters? No matter, you'll be crushed soon enough."
"You're too late. I've intercepted this weapon shipment and now, it is mine to do with as I please."
"You may have found me, but it's too late. Even as we speak, my workers are putting in the final touches of a weapon so monstrous, so dastardly…, the world's will have no choice but to bend to my every whim!"
"I assume you're in search of the weapons I've obtained. Not to worry, you won't be around long enough to overstay your welcome."
"You? Again?! This time, it is I who will destroy you. You're finished!"
"Oh no, look who it is! I'm so frightened!"
"So, McMissile… is it going to be a war between us?"
"At last, we have discovered the perfect place to regroup and plan our next- What, you again?! Attack them!"
"I will not forget them!"
"You'll regret what you have done!"
"No! It can't be!"
"This injustice will be repented!"
"Stop! Stop, I said!"
"Consider yourself fired!"
"I will have you disassembled!"
"You're making a grave mistake!"
"Oh no! It appears there's heavy traffic ahead! (Laughs sinisterly)"
"Now, we shall bring out… the big guns."
"I've seen enough! We'll end this right now!"
"Yes, yes. This is about to get very interesting."
"There's no end to my supply of attack cars! There's only an end to you!"
"You're not finished yet! Attack!"
"Grem, Acer, finish them!"
"Now, let's see how you fare against Acer and Grem."
"Unfortunately, this is the end of you. You're ready to lose, yeah?"
"You have defeated my workers… this must not go unpunished."
"Missile away!"
"This is a little gift, I hope you like it!"
"This will hurt very badly!"
"Is that the best you can do?"
"I already told you I will win, and yet you keep trying!"
"If you quit now, you may survive. Something to consider. (beginning of Burning the Midnight Oil)"
"There you are."
"Witness what this weapon… really does."
"I have a little something for you."
"What? That is cheating! How dare you?!"
"Argh, so arrogant with your perfect driving skills!"
"Why must you be so annoying?"
"Nien! This cannot be."
"You're making this look so easy. Stop it!"
"Come back here, you fool! (after completing survivor)"
"Keith Ferguson as Lightning McQueen"
"Larry the Cable Guy as Tow Mater"
"Martin Jarvis as Finn McMissile"
"Emily Mortimer as Holly Shiftwell"
"John Turturro as Francesco Bernoulli"
"Erik Passoja as Raoul ÇaRoule"
"Jossara Jinaro as Carla Veloso"
"Jeff Gordon as Jeff Gorvette"
"Greg Ellis as Nigel Gearsley"
"Paul Nakauchi as Shu Todoroki"
"John Molerio as Miguel Camino"
"Andre Sogliuzzo as Max Schnell"
"Lloyd Sherr as Fillmore"
"Paul Dooley as Sarge"
"Tony Shalhoub ad Luigi"
"Guido Quaroni as Guido"
"Thomas Kretschmann as Professor Z"
"Joe Mantegna as Grem"
"Peter Jacobson as Acer, Rammer and Explosive Trucks"
"Michel Michelis as Tomber"
"Dave Wittenberg as Miles Axelrod"
"Sonoko Kinishi as Chuki"
"Daisuke Tsutsumi as Daisu Tsashimi"
"Bruce Campbell as Rod "Torque" Redline"
"Vanessa Redgrave as The Queen"
"Jenifer Lewis as Flo"
"Michael Wallis as Sheriff"
"Cheech Marin as Ramone"
"Erik Stitt as Chick Hicks"
"Adrian Ochoa as Wingo"
"Lou Romano as Snot Rod"
"Jonas Rivera as Boost"
"EJ Holowicki as DJ"
"Franco Nero as Uncle Topolino"
"Stanley Townsand as Victor Hugo and Resty Hugo"
"Teresa Gallagher as The Computer"
"John Ratzenberger as Mack"
"Steven Stanton as Trunks Trunkov and Yachts"