646 quotes found
"For reasons passing understanding, people do not relate guns to gun-related crime."
"For the last couple of months, Senator Rumson has suggested that being President of this country was, to a certain extent, about character. And although I've not been willing to engage in his attacks on me, I have been here three years and three days, and I can tell you without hesitation - being President of this country is entirely about character. For the record, yes, I am a card-carrying member of the ACLU, but the more important question is, why aren't you, Bob? Now this is an organization whose sole purpose is to defend the Bill of Rights, so it naturally begs the question, why would a Senator, his party's most powerful spokesman and a candidate for President, choose to reject upholding the Constitution? Now if you can answer that question, folks, then you're smarter than I am, because I didn't understand it until a few hours ago. America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You've gotta want it bad, 'cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say, "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours." You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country cannot just be a flag. The symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then, you can stand up and sing about the land of the free. I've known Bob Rumson for years, and I've been operating under the assumption that the reason Bob devotes so much time and energy to shouting at the rain was that he simply didn't get it. Well, I was wrong. Bob's problem isn't that he doesn't get it. Bob's problem is that he can't sell it! We have serious problems to solve, and we need serious people to solve them. And whatever your particular problem is, I promise you, Bob Rumson is not the least bit interested in solving it. He is interested in two things, and two things only: making you afraid of it, and telling you who's to blame for it. That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win elections. You gather a group of middle age, middle class, middle income voters who remember with longing an easier time, and you talk to them about family, and American values and character, and you wave an old photo of the President's girlfriend and you scream about patriotism. You tell them she's to blame for their lot in life. And you go on television and you call her a whore. Sydney Ellen Wade has done nothing to you, Bob. She has done nothing but put herself through school, represent the interests of public school teachers, and lobby for the safety of our natural resources. You want a character debate, Bob? You better stick with me, 'cause Sydney Ellen Wade is way out of your league. I've loved two women in my life. I lost one to cancer. And I lost the other 'cause I was so busy keeping my job, I forgot to do my job. Well, that ends right now. Tomorrow morning, the White House is sending a bill to Congress for its consideration. It's White House Resolution 455, an energy bill requiring a twenty percent reduction of the emission of fossil fuels over the next ten years. It is by far the most aggressive stride ever taken in the fight to reverse the effects of global warming. The other piece of legislation is the Crime Bill. As of today, it no longer exists. I'm throwing it out. I'm throwing it out and writing a law that makes sense. You cannot address crime prevention without getting rid of assault weapons and handguns. I consider them a threat to national security, and I will go door-to-door if I have to, but I'm gonna convince Americans that I'm right, and I'm gonna get the guns. We've got serious problems, and we need serious people. And if you want to talk about character, Bob, you'd better come at me with more than a burning flag and a membership card. If you want to talk about character and American values, fine. Just tell me where and when, and I'll show up. This is a time for serious people, Bob, and your fifteen minutes are up. My name is Andrew Shepherd, and I AM THE PRESIDENT!"
"How do you have patience for people who claim they love America, but clearly can't stand Americans?"
"Why can't the most powerful man in the world have the one thing he wants most?"
"Michael Douglas - President Andrew Shepherd"
"Annette Bening - Sydney Ellen Wade"
"Martin Sheen - A. J. MacInerney"
"Michael J. Fox - Lewis Rothschild"
"Anna Deavere Smith - Robin McCall"
"David Paymer - Leon Kodak"
"Richard Dreyfuss - Senator Bob Rumson"
"A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow."
"All combat takes place at night, in the rain, and at the junction of four map segments."
"54, 40 or fight. What does that mean?...Remember the Maine...Tippecanoe and Tyler, too...They're war slogans Mr. Motss. We remember the slogans, we can't even remember the fucking wars. Y'know why? Cause its show business. That's why I'm here. Naked girl, covered in Napalm. Five marines Raising the Flag, Mount Suribachi. V for Victory, Y'remember the picture, fifty years from now, they'll have forgotten the war. Gulf War? Smart bomb, falling down a chimney. Twenty five hundred missions a day, 100 days, one video of one bomb Mr. Motss. The American people bought that war."
"This is a shitty business, and it needs no ghosts coming from the grave to tell us so. But Lord willing and Jesus tarries, in eight days I will be taking you into the second term."
"Can't have a war without an enemy...You could have one, but it would be a very dull war..."
"You take the fruit of 40 years - hard lessons, mistakes - and you call it wisdom."
"This is nothing. D'you ever shoot in Italy? Try three Italian starlets wacked out on Benzedrine and grappa, this is a walk in the park..."
"Y'know, producing is being a Samurai warrior. They pay you, day in, day out, for years, so that, ONE DAY, when called upon, you can respond, your training at Its peak, and save the day."
"The war ain't over til I say it's over. This is my picture. You think you're in a spot? You think this is a tight spot? Try making the Hunchback of Notre Dame when your three lead actors die, two weeks from the end of principal photography."
"Look at that! That is a complete fucking fraud, and it looks 100% real. This is the best work I've ever done in my life - because it's so honest."
"That's right. During the filming of 'The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,' three of the horsemen died two weeks before the ending of principle photography. This is nothing, this is nothing. This is... this is... this is act one- The War."
"Johnny, I got a lot of people here who are a little depressed because the war just ended, please give me a new song."
"King, King, I got a thing here, a product placement, gonna have a bigger back-end than Hattie McDaniel."
"Corny? He says it's corny? Of course it's corny. We wouldn't be doing the flippin' thing if it wasn't corny."
"Oh, God. What do we do now? Huh? Huh? What do we do now, huh, boy producer? Huh? Mister win-an-Emmy, social-conscience, whale-shit, save-the-rain-forest, peacenik-commie, fuckin'-hire-a-convict-shithead? Huh? What do we do now, liberal, affirmative action, shithead, peacenik commie fuck? What do you want to do now?"
"There are two things I know to be true. There's no difference between good flan and bad flan, and there is no war."
"When the fit hits the shan somebody's going to have to stay after school."
"Albania's hard to rhyme."
"I was just on my way to get drunk."
"Dustin Hoffman - Stanley Motss"
"Robert De Niro - Conrad Brean"
"Anne Heche - Winifred Ames"
"Denis Leary - Fad King"
"Willie Nelson - Johnny Dean"
"Andrea Martin - Liz Butsky"
"Kirsten Dunst - Tracy Lime"
"William H. Macy - CIA Agent Charles Young"
"John Michael Higgins - John Levy"
"Woody Harrelson - Sergeant William Schumann"
"There he is, the big guy!"
"I don't even know what the fuck a quail is!"
"I think he's on steroids. It's like trying to cover a fucking race horse."
"It's the first quarter of the big game and you wanna toss up a hail Mary? I'd like to be pimps from Oakland or cowboys from Arizona but it's not Halloween. Grow up, Peter Pan! Count Chocula! Look, we've been to a million weddings and you know what? We've rocked them all."
"You better lock it up."
"Oh please! You and I both know I'm a phenomenal dancer!"
"I don't even wear a belt...beltless."
"Rule number 76: no excuses. Play like a champion."
"You go have fun. I'm gonna go ice my balls and spit up blood, Team Player!"
"Did you hear what I just said to you? Stage five? Virgin? Clinger? Let’s go, I’m gonna start the car, I’m serious, let’s go."
"I don’t think that you’re appreciating the urgency here. Not only is she a virgin, she’s totally off the reservation. I’m terrified of this broad."
"I'm a little too traumatized to enjoy a scone right now."
"I was first-team All-State. I can put the ball wherever I want to. I'll make it rain out here."
"I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you. And you want to know what? I dig it."
"It feels so good when he jokes."
"Lock it up!"
"The painting was a gift, Todd. I'm taking it with me."
"Yeah that, or it could have been the midnight rape, or the nude gay art show that took place in my room last night."
"Give me a break! That was my first Asian!"
"I happen to know everything there is to know about maple syrup. I love maple syrup! I love it on pancakes, I love it on pizza! I love to take maple syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I've had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?"
"Proper girl in the hat just eye-fucked the shit out of me."
"I'm a cocksman!"
"You motor-boating son of a bitch, you old sailor you!"
"I mean, I had an imaginary friend when I was a kid and his name was Shiloh. We used to play checkers with each other every day and bless his heart, Shiloh'd always let me win!"
"This is the real world, lady! You can't just go shooting people on a whim!"
"I felt like Jodie Foster in 'The Accused'"
"I hope you flip your bike over and knock out your two front teeth, you selfish son-of-a-bitch!"
"Crab cakes and football, that's what Maryland does!"
"Are you ready to have the noise brought on you?"
"That's what we call a sack lunch! Num-num-num-num-num!"
"Daiquiris."
"Well, the guy wants to run for president, he thinks Moby Dick is a venereal disease."
"You know, she's not just another notch on your belt."
"Now Todd, it wouldn't kill ya to play some competitive sports, once in a while, would it?"
"Todd, that's good! Tell that mean ocean!"
"Nature versus nurture, Lodge. Nature always wins."
"[about Todd] Oh, he says he believes in art, but all I've seen him do is dribble his own blood on a canvas and smear it around with a stick!"
"Sailor! Good Man."
"Death, you are my Bitch Lover!"
"I made you a painting ... I call the painting 'Celebration'(shows painting). It's sexual and violent. I thought you might like it."
"Would that make you love me?!"
"I'll be in my room painting homo things."
"I'll pop out at the right moment!"
"Let's play tummy sticks."
"We had a moment at the dinner table."
"Jeremy tried to seduce me!"
"What the fuck do you want?"
"God darn you! I almost nun-chucked you. You don't even realize!"
"I'm just living the dream."
"Hey, Ma! Can we get some meatloaf?!"
"Hey, Ma! The meatloaf! We want it now! The meatloaf!"
"What is she doing? I never know what she is doing back there."
"Ma! The meatloaf! Fuck!"
"Come on in for the real thing."
"It's like fishing with dynamite."
"Dude died in a hang gliding accident. What an idiot! Ha ha. "A-a-ah! I'm hang-gliding, honey! Take a good picture! I'm dead!" What a freak!"
"(Upon finding out that Jeremy is getting married) What?! What an idiot! What a loser! Good! Good! More for me and you!"
"You're coming with!"
"Wife: You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!"
"Husband: Yeah, that's right, go comatose for me, baby!"
"Grandma: He was a doll! The wife, though, Eleanor, big dyke. Huge dyke. A real rug muncher. Looked like a big lesbian mule."
"Chazz's mom: Chazz, there's someone here to see you! And pick up your fucking skateboard!"
"Husband: Hey, I got an idea, why don't you just kiss my left nut!"
"On July 15, they're coming to your wedding...with or without invitations."
"They're just a couple of guys who need a good wife."
"Hide Your actual IQ rating."
"Life's a Blessing, Remember to Pray."
"Life's a party. Crash it."
"Owen Wilson as John Beckwith"
"Vince Vaughn as Jeremy Grey"
"Christopher Walken as United States Secretary of the Treasury William Cleary"
"Rachael McAdams as Claire Cleary"
"Isla Fisher as Gloria Cleary"
"Jane Seymour as Kathleen "Kitty Kat" Cleary"
"Ellen Albertini Dow as "Grandma" Mary Cleary (final film role)"
"Keir O'Donnell as Todd Cleary"
"Bradley Cooper as Sack Lodge"
"Henry Gibson as Father O'Neil"
"Ron Canada as Randolph"
"Jenny Alden as Christina Cleary"
"Will Ferrell (uncredited) as Chazz Reinhold"
"Doria Baird as Vivian"
"Dwight Yoakam and Rebecca De Mornay as Mr. and Mrs. Kroger"
"Kathryn Joosten as Mrs. Reinhold"
"Richard Riehle (uncredited) as Funeral guest"
"I know you're tired, I know you're hurting. I wish I could say something classy and inspirational, but that just wouldn't be our style...Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever."
"[giving the replacement players a pregame speech before their first game] Alright, Sentinels, listen up. Welcome to professional football. [the players clap] I know there's a lot people out there who're going to say that your accomplishments today will soon be forgotten; that you're not real players, that this isn't a real team. And I say that is BULLSHIT! Because as of today, you're all professional football players: you're being paid to play. I want you to remember that because those men whose places you've taken forgot that a long time ago."
"[addressing team] Listen up! This time tomorrow, the strike will be officially over. Now, Dallas has made a big mistake out there tonight. They haven't been afraid of you, and they should be, because you have a powerful weapon working for you tonight: There is no tomorrow for you... and that makes you all VERY DANGEROUS PEOPLE!"
"[closing narration] When the replacement players for the Washington Sentinels left the stadium that day, there was no ticker tape parade, no endorsement deals for sneakers or soda pop, or breakfast cereal. Just a locker to be cleaned out, and a ride home to catch. But what they didn't know, was that their lives had been changed forever because they had been part of something great. And greatness, no matter how brief, stays with a man. Every athlete dreams of a second chance, these men lived it."
"Pros on strike. Everyday guys get to play."
"Throw the ball. Catch the girl. Keep it simple."
"Keanu Reeves - Shane Falco"
"Gene Hackman - Coach Jimmy McGinty"
"Brooke Langton - Annabelle Farrell"
"Orlando Jones - Clifford Franklin"
"Jon Favreau - Daniel Bateman"
"Rhys Ifans - Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff"
"My Dad had the right idea. He had it all worked out. He used to say to me, "Son, don't miss the wonders that surround you; because, every tree, every rock, every ant hill, every star is filled with the wonders of nature." And, he used to say to me, "Have you ever noticed how grateful you are to see daylight again after coming through a long, dark tunnel?" Well, he'd say, "Always try to see life around you, as if you'd just come out a tunnel.""
"[After reading the Declaration of Independence] Now, you're not gonna have a country that can make these kind of rules work, if you haven't got men that have learned to tell human rights from a punch in the nose. [The Senate applauds] It's a funny thing about men, you know. They all start life being boys. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if some of these Senators were boys once. And that's why it seemed like a pretty good idea for me to get boys out of crowded cities and stuffy basements for a couple of months out of the year. And build their bodies and minds for a man-sized job, because those boys are gonna be behind these desks some of these days. And it seemed like a pretty good idea, getting boys from all over the country, boys of all nationalities and ways of living. Getting them together. Let them find out what makes different people tick the way they do. Because I wouldn't give you two cents for all your fancy rules if, behind them, they didn't have a little bit of plain, ordinary, everyday kindness and a - a little lookin' out for the other fella, too...That's pretty important, all that. It's just the blood and bone and sinew of this democracy that some great men handed down to the human race, that's all. But of course, if you've got to build a dam where that boys camp ought to be, to get some graft to pay off some political army or something, well that's a different thing. Oh no! If you think I'm going back there and tell those boys in my state and say: 'Look. Now fellas. Forget about it. Forget all this stuff I've been tellin' you about this land you live in is a lot of hooey. This isn't your country. It belongs to a lot of James Taylors.' Oh no! Not me! And anybody here that thinks I'm gonna do that, they've got another thing comin'. [He whistles loudly with his fingers in his mouth, startling Senators who are dozing or reading other materials] That's all right. I just wanted to find out if you still had faces. I'm sorry gentlemen. I-I know I'm being disrespectful to this honorable body, I know that. I- A guy like me should never be allowed to get in here in the first place. I know that! And I hate to stand here and try your patience like this, but EITHER I'M DEAD RIGHT OR I'M CRAZY."
"[His voice very hoarse, from his filibuster] There's no compromise with truth. That's all I got up on this floor to say. When was it? A year ago, it seems like....Just get up off the ground, that's all I ask. Get up there with that lady that's up on top of this Capitol dome, that lady that stands for liberty. Take a look at this country through her eyes if you really want to see something. And you won't just see scenery; you'll see the whole parade of what Man's carved out for himself, after centuries of fighting. Fighting for something better than just jungle law, fighting so's he can stand on his own two feet, free and decent, like he was created, no matter what his race, color, or creed. That's what you'd see. There's no place out there for graft, or greed, or lies, or compromise with human liberties. And, uh, if that's what the grownups have done with this world that was given to them, then we'd better get those boys' camps started fast and see what the kids can do. And it's not too late, because this country is bigger than the Taylors, or you, or me, or anything else. Great principles don't get lost once they come to light. They're right here; you just have to see them again!"
"[His voice very hoarse] I guess this is just another lost cause, Mr. Paine. All you people don't know about lost causes. Mr. Paine does. He said once they were the only causes worth fighting for, and he fought for them once, for the only reason any man ever fights for them: Because of just one plain simple rule: Love thy neighbor. And in this world today, full of hatred, a man who knows that one rule has a great trust. You know that rule, Mr. Paine. And I loved you for it just as my father did, and you know that you fight for the lost causes harder than for any others. Yes, you even die for them, like a man we both knew, Mr. Paine. You think I'm licked. You all think I'm licked. Well, I'm not licked, and I'm gonna stay right here and fight for this lost cause, even if this room gets filled with lies like these! [takes a handful of the letters in the basket and throws them on the floor]. When the Taylors and all their armies come marching into this place, somebody'll listen to me! Some--- [Faints from exhaustion]"
"I was hoping you'd be spared all this. I was hoping that you'd see the sights, absorb a lot of history, and go back to your boys. Now you've been living in a boy's world, Jeff, and for heaven's sakes, stay there! This is a man's world. It's a brutal world Jeff, and you've no place in it. You'll only get hurt. Now take my advice. Forget Taylor and what he said. Forget you ever heard of the Willet Creek Dam...I know it's tough to run head-on into facts but, well as I said, this is a man's world Jeff, and you've got to check your ideals outside the door, like you do your rubbers. I know how you feel, Jeff. Thirty years ago - I had those ideals, too. I was you. I had to make the decision you were asked to make today. And I compromised - yes! So that all these years I could stay in that Senate - and serve the people in a thousand honest ways! You've got to face facts, Jeff. I've served our state well, haven't I? We have the lowest unemployment and the highest federal grants. But, well, I've had to compromise, had to play ball. You can't count on people voting, half the time they don't vote, anyway. That's how states and empires have been built since time began. Don't you understand? Well, Jeff, you can take my word for it, that's how things are. Now I've told you all this because - well, I've grown very fond of you - about like a son - in fact, and I don't want to see you get hurt. Now, when that deficiency bill comes up in the Senate tomorrow, you stay away from it. Don't say a word. Great powers are behind it, and they'll destroy you before you can even get started. For your own sake, Jeff, and for the sake of my friendship with your father, please, don't say a word."
"H.V. Kaltenborn: [speaking on the radio] Half of official Washington is here to see democracy's finest show, the filibuster, the right to talk your head off, the American privilege of free speech in its most dramatic form. The least man in that chamber, once he gets and holds that floor by the rules, can hold it and talk as long as he can stand on his feet providing always, first, that he does not sit down, second, that he does not leave the chamber or stop talking. The galleries are packed. In the diplomatic gallery are the envoys of two dictator powers. They have come here to see what they can't see at home. DEMOCRACY IN ACTION."
"H.V. Kaltenborn: [Speaking on the radio] Senator Smith, has now talked for 23 hours and 16 minutes. It is the most unusual and spectacular thing in the Senate annals. One alone and simple American, holding the greatest floor in the land. What he lacked in experience, he's made up in fight. But those tired Boy Ranger legs are buckling. Bleary eyed, voice gone, he cannot go on much longer. And all official Washington is here to be in on the kill."
"Capra at his greatest!"
"Stirring - In the seeing! Precious - In the remembering!"
"Capra's Greatest Hit --- The Screen At Its Most Inspired!"
"Entertainment As Powerful As the Strength of the People! As Great As the Genius of Capra!"
"Romance, drama, laughter and heartbreak ... created out of the very heart and soil of America ... by a great director and cast!"
"James Stewart - Jefferson Smith"
"Jean Arthur - Clarissa Saunders"
"Claude Rains - Sen. Joseph Harrison Paine"
"Edward Arnold - Jim Taylor"
"Guy Kibbee - Gov. Hubert 'Happy' Hopper"
"Thomas Mitchell - Diz Moore"
"Eugene Pallette - Chick McGann"
"Beulah Bondi - Ma Smith"
"H.B. Warner - Sen. Agnew (Senate Majority Leader)"
"Harry Carey - The Vice President"
"Astrid Allwyn - Susan Paine"
"Ruth Donnelly - Emma Hopper"
"Grant Mitchell - Sen. MacPherson (Privileges and Elections Committee)"
"H.V. Kaltenborn - Himself (broadcaster)"
"[To Richard Nixon] You kicked Checkers, you're prejudiced, and you have a potty mouth!"
"[Shouting, to Arlene] You can't let Dick control your life!"
"It's called incest, Arlene, and it's against the law."
"War is not healthy for children and other living things. [quoting a popular anti-Vietnam War protest slogan, originally created by poster artist Lorraine Schneider]"
"We have a very important school report on turquoise jewelry due in two days, and we can't find any books on it, and the President's having us followed. It's too much pressure."
"I love Dick!"
"[Being followed by the President's 'plumbers'] Dick frightens me."
"[After seeing Nixon's "I am not a crook" speech immediately after a threatening call] He's trying to drive me insane!"
"Checkers - shut up! Or I'll feed you to the Chinese!"
"I've got a way with young people. They trust me."
"You don't mess with the big boys!!"
"What about that list from CREEP? How could you let your dog eat it?! [Hysterical] You're ruining my life!!!"
"Dick is going down, man!"
"Excuse me, Mr. President. I was not informed that you were in the middle of... what the hell ARE you in the middle of?"
"It's alright, gentlemen. I'm familiar with these two young ladies. Well, not "familiar", familiar, obviously. I mean, I know them. We discussed foreign policy. [A secret service agent rolls his eyes knowingly] Don't you give me that look!"
"I'll take responsibility here. I'll be the only person in this administration who's willing to take responsibility for anything."
"Bob Haldeman: I have met yams with more going on upstairs than these two."
"Bob Haldeman: You wanna complain about Vietnam? Talk to Johnson!"
"Mrs. Spinnler: Every lie is another brick in the pathway to hell."
"G. Gordon Liddy: [Surprised by Betsy and Arlene in the Watergate stairwell] Children! Running around, all hours of the night! When you kids grow up, you'll be living in the Soviet Union of America!"
"Chip: [After sticking himself with an election pin] Figures that the pain in my ass is Nixon, the fascist."
"Larry: Whatever she's on, I didn't give it to her."
"He was tricky. They were better."
"The unmaking of the president"
"Kirsten Dunst - Betsy Jobs"
"Michelle Williams - Arlene Lorenzo"
"Dan Hedaya - President Richard M. Nixon ('Dick')"
"Will Ferrell - Bob Woodward"
"Bruce McCulloch - Carl Bernstein"
"Teri Garr - Helen Lorenzo"
"Dave Foley - Bob Haldeman"
"Jim Breuer - John Dean"
"Ana Gasteyer - Rose Mary Woods"
"Harry Shearer - G. Gordon Liddy"
"Saul Rubinek - Henry Kissinger"
"I am living proof, that a mind is a terrible thing."
"They say that when I die, the case will die. They say it will be like a book I close. But the book, it will never close..."
"Senator Hank Rose: Mr. Cross, you're telling me you haven't a clue! Not one clue! The man walked in the fucking room and ya shot him."
"A tangled web of danger and deceit..."
"The game is far from over."
"Morgan Freeman - Alex Cross"
"Monica Potter - Jezzie Flannigan"
"Michael Wincott - Gary Soneji/The Spider"
"Dylan Baker - Ollie McArthur"
"Mika Boorem - Megan Rose"
"Billy Burke - Ben Devine"
"Anton Yelchin - Dimitri Starodubov"
"Jay O. Sanders - Kyle Craig"
"Michael Moriarty - Senator Hank Rose"
"Penelope Ann Miller - Elizabeth Rose"
"Anna Maria Horsford - Vickie"
"I am the commander in chief of the United States, and I say when we go to war!"
"[The night prior to the beginning of the U.S. Navy's military "quarantine" of Cuba] You know, last summer, I read a book, The Guns of August. I wish every man on that blockade line had read that book. It's World War I, there's thirteen million killed; it was all because the militaries of both alliances believed they were so highly attuned to one another's movements and dispositions, they could predict one another's intentions, but all their theories were based on the last war. And the world and technology had changed, and those lessons were no longer valid, but it was all they knew, so the orders went out, and couldn't be rescinded. And your man in the field, his family at home; they couldn't even tell you the reasons why their lives were being destroyed. But why couldn't they stop it? What could they have done? Here we are, fifty years later. Think if one of their ships resists the inspection, and we shoot out its rudder, and board, they shoot down one of our planes in response, so we bomb their anti-aircraft sites, and in response to that, they attack Berlin...so we invade Cuba...and they fire their missiles...and we fire ours."
"This is not a blockade. This is language. A new vocabulary, the likes of which the world has never seen! This is President Kennedy communicating with Secretary Khrushchev!"
"Bruce Greenwood - President John F. Kennedy"
"Kevin Costner - Kenny O'Donnell"
"Stephanie Romanov - First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy"
"Dylan Baker - Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara"
"Steven Culp - Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy"
"Bill Smitrovich - General Max Taylor"
"Henry Strozier - Dean Rusk"
"Ed Lauter - General Marshall Carter"
"Michael Fairman - U.S. Ambassador Adlai Stevenson"
"Len Cariou - Dean Acheson"
"Peter White - John McCone"
"Kevin Conway - General Curtis LeMay"
"Elya Baskin - Anotoly Dobrynin"
"Frank Wood - McGeorge Bundy"
"[signing off for the last time] I feel like that old Indian in front of all the garbage. So, for the last time, this is Evan Baxter for Eyewitness News. Goodnight."
"[after the Ark crashes into Congress) We can walk from here."
"(to Long after the Ark crashes into Congress] Hello Congressman. Mind if I park my boat here?"
"[Is using ancient tools to build the ark] Ever heard of Home Depot!?"
"People, the flood is imminent! (nothing happens) IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A LITTLE PRECIPITATION!?"
"(two wolves growl at Long) Don't look now Congressman but the wolves are here. Although I wouldn't worry so much about these wolves but those. (Evan gestures to the angry members of Congress standing behind Long)"
"SSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPP!!!!!"
"(Joan and the kids have just left him) I know, I know. Everything you do, you do because you love me. (A sprinkler blasts him in the face) Do me a favor; love me less!"
"[With his arms and staff outstretched to the looming Memorial Bridge, as the Ark is fast approaching it.] I command thee halt! Stop! Woah! [Nothing happens] How about a little help here?! [Suddenly the whole right side of the Ark falls dark, as a massive wave four times the size and height of the Ark rises up and crashes down redirecting its path instantly down Capital Mall.]"
"And he wanted me to wear this robe because he thought it would be funny."
"(to Evan) Build the ark. And if anybody asks, just say, a flood is coming."
"I now issue a new commandment: "Thou shalt do the dance.""
"Tell you what. You build it and I'll fill it. Oh and you might need this. [Holds up a book titled "Ark Building for Dummies"]"
"(appears at Congress and recites the the Pledge of Allegiance) I pledge allegiance to the flag under the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands. One nation under me indivisible and liberty and justice for all."
"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"
"A comedy of Biblical proportions."
"Flooding into cinemas soon."
"Evan help us."
"Why are all of these animals following Evan Baxter? God only knows."
"God has a great design. Guess who's building it?"
"Steve Carell - Evan Baxter"
"Morgan Freeman - God"
"Lauren Graham - Joan Baxter"
"John Goodman - Congressman Long"
"John Michael Higgins - Marty Stringer"
"Jimmy Bennett - Ryan Baxter"
"Wanda Sykes - Rita Daniels"
"Jonah Hill - Eugene"
"Molly Shannon - Eve Adams"
"Graham Phillips - Jordan Baxter"
"Johnny Simmons - Dylan Baxter"
"Ed Helms - Ed Carson"
"Rachael Harris - Ark Reporter"
"Brian Howe - Builder"
"Harve Presnell - Congressman Burrows"
"Madison Mason - Congressman Dodds"
"Bruce Gray - Congressman Hughes"
"Paul Collins - Congressman Stamp"
"Jim Doughan - Neighbor (man)"
"Meagen Fay - Neighbor (woman)"
"Dean Norris - Officer Collins"
"Jon Stewart - Himself"
"Maile Flanagan - Mail Person"
"Catherine Bell - Susan Ortega (uncredited)"
"P.J. Byrne - Evan's Staffer #1"
"Principles only mean something if you stick by them when they're inconvenient."
"[closing remarks at Congressional confirmation hearing] Mr. Chairman, ladies and gentlemen of the committee. Remarkably enough, it seems that I have some explaining to do. So, let me be absolutely clear. I stand for a woman's right to choose. I stand for the elimination of the death penalty. I stand for a strong and growing armed forces because we must stomp out genocide on this planet, and I believe that that is a cause worth dying for. I stand for seeing every gun taken out of every home, period. I stand for making the selling of cigarettes to our youth a federal offense. I stand for term limits and campaign reform. And, Mr. Chairman, I stand for the separation of church and state, and the reason that I stand for that is the same reason that I believe our forefathers did. It is not there to protect religion from the grasp of government, but to protect our government from the grasp of religious fanaticism. I may be an atheist, but that does not mean I do not go to church. I do go to church. The church I go to is the one that emancipated the slaves, that gave women the right to vote, that gave us every freedom that we hold dear. My church is this very chapel of Democracy that we sit in together, and I do not need God to tell me what are my moral absolutes. I need my heart, my brain, and this church."
"[after missing a shot while bowling] Well, that's what I get for my Leftist tendencies."
"[to Gov. Hathaway] You're the future of the Democratic party. And you always will be."
"I'll die before Shelly Runyon checkmates me."
"[to Gov. Hathaway] Who doesn't want a shortcut to greatness?"
"[about Rep. Reginald Webster] Well, he may not know his right from his left, but he does know the difference between right and wrong."
"[addressing the Congress] Thank you. Napoleon once said when asked to explain the lack of great statesmen in the world, that 'to get power, you need to display absolute pettiness. To exercise power, you need to show true greatness.' Such pettiness and such greatness are rarely found in one person. I look upon the events of the past weeks and I've never come so to grips with that quotation. So, ladies and gentlemen of this Congress, it pains my soul to tell you that you have brought blood and shame under this great dome. Your leadership has raised the stakes of hate to a level where we can no longer separate the demagogue from the truly inspired. And believe this, there are traitors among us. And I'm not talking about those of you who sided against your party leadership. I'm talking about those of you who were patriots to your party but traitors to the necessary end result: That of righteousness, the truth, the concept of making the American dream blind to gender. And you know, I am not free of blame. Right from the start, I should've come down here, pointed a finger your way - pointed a finger your way [pointing at Runyon], and asked you, 'Have you no decency, sir?' Yesterday, I met [he notices Runyon exiting] - Mr. Runyon, you may walk out on me, you may walk out on this body, but you cannot walk out on the will of the American people. Americans are a good people. They're a just people, Mr. Runyon, and they will forgive you, but they will not forget. Hate and ego have no place residing in what my good friend Laine Hanson calls the chapel of democracy."
"I should have come down here and pointed my finger your way... [points at Rep. Shelley Runyon] ... pointed my finger YOUR way, and asked "Have you no decency, sir?""
"[to President Jackson Evans] We're both sticking to our guns. The difference is, mine are loaded."
"Take a magic marker, cross out the word "objectivity". Your constituents want you for your opinions, your philosophy, for your subjectivity."
"The people of this nation can stomach quite a bit. But the one thing they can't stomach is the image of a vice president with a mouthful of cock."
"[Trying to dig up dirt on Shelly Runyon] I want something EMBARRASSING! Something sexual! Little boys, midgets, that sort of thing! Cows! I don't give a goddamn!"
"Sometimes you can assassinate a leader without firing a shot."
"Welcome To The Greatest Show On Earth"
"Joan Allen - Sen. Laine Hanson"
"Gary Oldman - Rep. Sheldon Runyon"
"Jeff Bridges - President Jackson Evans"
"Christian Slater - Rep. Reginald Webster"
"Sam Elliott - Kermit Newman"
"William Petersen - Gov. Jack Hathaway"
"Saul Rubinek - Jerry Tolliver"
"Philip Baker Hall - Oscar Billings"
"Mike Binder - Lewis Hollis"
"Robin Thomas - William Hanson"
"Mariel Hemingway - Cynthia Charlton Lee"
"Kathryn Morris - Special Agent Paige Willomina"
"You betcha, get naked!"
"You know Hillary, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but it's really hard to concentrate when your tongue's in my hoo hoo."
"Once again, the hypocritical left is trying to have it both ways. First, they criticize Governour Paylin for not having enough experience in the foreign policy arena. And then they slam her, because she's trying to show are godless, vodka swilling neigbours just a little down-home-hospitality. They make it sound like full lips, great tits, piercing-brown eyes and an ass that just won't quit for a bad thing. Well, excuse me: It that is a bad thing, than cut off my dick and express mail it to the nearest gay rightsparade."
"Lisa Ann — Serra Paylin (Sarah Palin)"
"Nina Hartley — Hilly (Hillary Clinton)"
"Jada Fire — Condi (Condoleezza Rice)"
"Sindee Jennings — Young Serra Paylin"
"Sascha — Russian soldier"
"Mick Blue — Russian soldier"
"Alec Knight — Husband (Todd Palin)"
"Lee Stone — Supporting cast"
"Evan Stone — Professor"
"Mike Horner — Bill Orally (Bill O'Reilly)"
"My dad would have kicked me in the crotch if I was where you are now, junior."
"Just what are you cut out for? Getting into car accidents? Chasing tail? Driving drunk? What do you think you are, a Kennedy? You're a Bush! Start acting like one! Can't even hold a job. We always worked for a living. It's damn time you joined the rest of us and decided just what it is you're gonna do with your life."
"You disappoint me, junior. You deeply disappoint me."
"I'll never get out of Poppy's shadow!"
"[On his father] This is my war, not his!"
"God bless us all, and may God continue to bless America."
"Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice... you can't get fooled again."
"Whose job is it, to find these damn weapons?"
"I believe God wants me to be president. I can't explain it, but something's going to happen, and America's going to need me."
"[after U.S. troops invade Iraq] That's for everyone who doesn't think I won in 2000!"
"[repeated line] Just tell me what to do!"
"Iran is not Iraq and Iraq is not Iran. I know that."
"Want to know what I see, Mr. President? I see a world where, in about 25 years, America's reserves are gone. Done. Demand is up, 30-40%, and we have two oceans blocks us from the world's reserves. You think we're gonna have allies then?"
"The American people want revenge. They liked Afghanistan, they want more!"
"Josh Brolin - George W. Bush"
"Elizabeth Banks - Laura Bush"
"James Cromwell - George H. W. Bush"
"Richard Dreyfuss - Dick Cheney"
"Toby Jones - Karl Rove"
"Ellen Burstyn - Barbara Bush"
"Scott Glenn - Donald Rumsfeld"
"Jeffrey Wright - Colin Powell"
"Thandie Newton - Condoleezza Rice"
"[to Oscar] You don't seem to be evil, you seem to be more of a grouch. [Darth Vader holds his hand up with a pinching motion] What is that? What is that? What does it mean? I don't know... you've lost me. Is that your breathing? Because I can't hear myself think. [pause] Let me tell you kindly, just simplify. There's too much going on! You're not evil, you're asthmatic, and what's with the cape? Are we going to the opera? I don't think so. Goodbye! [Darth Vader and Oscar the Grouch leave]"
"Some are born great, others have greatness thrust upon them."
"Sometimes the greatest change brings about even greater opportunity! Look at you, Lawrence. You left this place and created quite a life for yourself."
"We're Americans, we don't plan, we do!"
"Ben Stiller - Larry Daley"
"Amy Adams - Amelia Earhart/Tess"
"Owen Wilson - Jedediah"
"Hank Azaria - Kahmunrah/The Thinker/Abraham Lincoln"
"Christopher Guest - Ivan the Terrible"
"Alain Chabat - Napoleon Bonaparte"
"Steve Coogan - Octavius"
"Ricky Gervais - Dr. McPhee"
"Bill Hader - Gen. George Armstrong Custer"
"Jon Bernthal - Al Capone"
"Patrick Gallagher - Attila the Hun"
"Jake Cherry - Nicky Daley"
"Rami Malek - Ahkmenrah"
"Mizuo Peck - Sacagewea"
"Robin Williams - Theodore Roosevelt (statue) and Theodore Roosevelt (bronze bust)"
"Jay Baruchel - Sailor Joey Motorola"
"Brad Garrett - Easter Island Head"
"Jonas Brothers - Cherubs"
"Eugene Levy - Einstein Bobbleheads (voice)"
"Carroll Spinney - Oscar the Grouch (voice)"
"Charles Fleischer - Roger Rabbit (voice)"
"George Foreman - himself"
"Shawn Levy - Infomercial father"
"Keith Powell - Tuskegee Airman #1"
"Craig Robinson - Tuskegee Airman #2"
"Kennith Overbey - Tuskegee Airman #3 (uncredited)"
"Ed Helms - Larry's assistant at Daley Devices (uncredited)"
"Thomas Lennon - Orville Wright (uncredited)"
"Jonah Hill - Brandon (pronounced "Brundon") (uncredited)"
"Frankie Jonas - little boy in museum (uncredited)"
"I like to watch."
"This is just like television, only you can see much further."
"That was a very small room."
"[while watching Chance on television] It's for sure a white man's world in America. Look here: I raised that boy since he was the size of a piss-ant. And I'll say right now, he never learned to read and write. No, sir. Had no brains at all. Was stuffed with rice pudding between th' ears. Shortchanged by the Lord, and dumb as a jackass. Look at him now! Yes, sir, all you've gotta be is white in America, to get whatever you want. Gobbledy-gook!"
"Life is a state of mind."
"There's an exhilaration in seeing artists at the very top of their form: It almost doesn't matter what the form is, if they're pushing their limits and going for broke and it's working. We can sense their joy of achievement — and even more so if the project in question is a risky, off-the-wall idea that could just as easily have ended disastrously. Hal Ashby's Being There is a movie that inspires those feelings. It begins with a cockamamie notion, it's basically one joke told for two hours, and it requires Peter Sellers to maintain an excruciatingly narrow tone of behavior in a role that has him onscreen almost constantly. It's a movie based on an idea, and all the conventional wisdom agrees that emotions, not ideas, are the best to make movies from. But Being There pulls off its long shot and is a confoundingly provocative movie."
"What is Being There about? I've read reviews calling it an indictment of television. But that doesn't fit; Sellers wasn't warped by television, he was retarded to begin with, and has TV to thank for what abilities he has to move in society. Is it an indictment of society, for being so dumb as to accept the Sellers character as a great philosophical sage? Maybe, but that's not so fascinating either. I'm not really inclined to plumb this movie for its message, although I'm sure that'll be a favorite audience sport. I just admire it for having the guts to take this weird conceit and push it to its ultimate comic conclusion."
"The movie presents us with an image, and while you may discuss the meaning of the image, it is not permitted to devise explanations for it."
"Getting there is half the fun; being there is all of it!"
"A story of chance."
"Peter Sellers - Chance the Gardener, a.k.a. Chauncey Gardiner"
"Shirley MacLaine - Eve Rand"
"Melvyn Douglas - Ben Rand"
"Jack Warden - The President"
"Richard A. Dysart - Dr. Robert Allenby"
"Richard Basehart - US Soviet Ambassador"
"David Clennon - Thomas Franklin"
"Fran Brill - Sally Hayes"
"Ruth Attaway - Louise"
"Denise DuBarry - Johanna"
"Sam Weisman - Colson"
"Alice Hirson - the First Lady"
"Arthur Rosenberg - Morton Hull"
"Jerome Hellman - Gary Burns"
"James Noble - Kaufman"
"John Harkins - Courtney"
"Elya Baskin - Karpatov"
"Richard McKenzie - Ron Steigler"
"Oteil Burbridge - Lolo"
"She's great. She's really exotic. She's a princess. She's Polynesian — well, half Polynesian, and half American. She's... Amnesian."
"[singing in the shower] Hail to the chief / He's the one we all say "Hail" to. / We all say "Hail" / 'Cause he keeps himself so clean! / He's got the power, / That's why he's in the shower..."
"If you've ever seen the look on somebody's face the day they finally get a job, I've had some experience with this, they look like they could fly. And it's not about the paycheck, it's about respect, it's about looking in the mirror and knowing that you've done something valuable with your day. And if one person could start to feel this way, and then another person, and then another person, soon all these other problems may not seem so impossible. You don't really know how much you can do until you, stand up and decide to try."
"I forgot that I was hired to do a job for you and that it was just a temp job at that. I forgot that I had two hundred and fifty million people who were paying me to make their lives a little better and I didn't live up to my part of the bargain. See, there are certain things you should expect from a President. I ought to care more about you than I do about me... I ought to care more about what's right than I do about what's popular. I ought to be willing to give this whole thing up for something I believe in."
"In a country where anybody can become President, anybody just did."
"Dave Kovic was an ordinary guy who was asked to impersonate the President. When they gave him a chance to make the country better...he did."
"Kevin Kline - Dave Kovic / Bill Mitchell"
"Sigourney Weaver - Ellen Mitchell"
"Frank Langella - Bob Alexander"
"Kevin Dunn - Alan Reed"
"Ving Rhames - Duane Stevenson"
"Ben Kingsley - Vice-President Nance"
"Charles Grodin - Murray Blum"
"Stephen Root - Don Durenberger"
"Tom Dugan - Jerry"
"Faith Prince - Alice"
"Laura Linney - Randi"
"Bonnie Hunt - White House Tour Guide"
"[to Jane] I think we have the kind of friendship where if I were the devil, you'd be the only one I would tell."
"Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive? If "needy" were a turn-on?"
"[to Jane] And if things had gone differently for me tonight then I probably wouldn't be saying any of this. I grant you everything. But give me this: he personifies everything that you've been fighting against. And I'm in love with you. How do you like that? I buried the lede."
"Blair Litton: [to Jane] Except for socially, you're my role model."
"William Hurt - Tom Grunick"
"Albert Brooks - Aaron Altman"
"Holly Hunter - Jane Craig"
"Robert Prosky - Ernie Merriman"
"Lois Chiles - Jennifer Mack"
"Joan Cusack - Blair Litton"
"Christian Clemenson - Bobby"
"Jack Nicholson - Bill Rorich"
"John Cusack - Angry Messenger"
"Marc Shaiman - News Theme Writer"
"I'm gonna do something really outrageous: I'm gonna tell the truth."
"We can do incredible things. We can change this country. I'm gonna win this thing. Look me in the eye, Henry, and tell me that you don't want to be a part of it."
"You don't think Abraham Lincoln was a whore before he was a president? He had to tell his little stories and smile his shit-eating back country grin, and he did it all just so he could have the opportunity to one day stand before the nation and appeal to the better angels of our nature. And that's where the bullshit stops. That's what it's all about — so we have the opportunity to do it the right way. You know as well as I do, that plenty of people playing this game, they don't think that way. They're willing to sell their souls, crawl through sewers, lie to people, divide them, play on their worst fears for nothing! Just for the prize."
"[speaking at Libby's funeral] Most of us here grew up with Libby Holden. She was our friend. She was our big sister. She bullied us, went after us, and worst of all, she remembered everything about us. All those young promises made, everything we wanted to be, everything we wanted the world to be — she remembered them all in the original wording. She wrote me a note before she died. [fighting tears as he reads it] "I am so fucking disappointed in you. Shape up!" I am so sorry that I disappointed her, and I am so sorry that I can't stand before her and promise to do better. She lent us all her warmth, her idealism, her madness. She had the most amazing heart."
"Your grandfather was a great man. Jack Stanton could also be a great man, if he wasn't such a faithless, thoughtless, disorganized, undisciplined shit."
"The only shot we have here is to be perfect."
"The media giveth, and go fuck yourself"
"You just called me a redneck, which I'm proud to say I am, and you, Hodgkiss, are a honky! You just look black, and it's the best part of ya! Lets you intimidate the palefaces, especially lib-labs, and lets ya work that voodoo sexual shit on white girls. Well, I'm probably blacker than you are. I got some slave in me. I can feel it."
"That's what these guys do. They love you and then stop lovin' you."
"From now on you can call me the Dust Buster — I'm stronger than dirt!"
"[holding a gun to a political adversary's crotch] I am a gay lesbian woman — I do not mythologize the male sexual organ. I know you did it. It wasn't enough sticking with the crap Jack actually did — you had to get creative! Well, mister, you're about to become missus!"
"[about Jack Stanton] He's poked his pecker in some sorry trash bins."
"[while watching Shane] Come back, Shane. Run for president."
"I'm not comparing the players. I don't like the game."
"They're Not Exactly A Well Organized Well-Oiled Machine, But That's Their Secret."
"Comes The Story Of A Man Who Says Yes To Destiny But Couldn't Say No To Anything Else"
"Comes The Story Of A Man Of The People And The People Who Made In The Man"
"What went down on the way to the top."
"He was born to run."
"How Much Spin Does It Take To Win?"
"John Travolta - Gov./President Jack Stanton"
"Emma Thompson - Susan Stanton"
"Adrian Lester - Henry Burton"
"Billy Bob Thornton - Richard Jemmons"
"Kathy Bates - Libby Holden"
"Maura Tierney - Daisy Green"
"Paul Guilfoyle - Howard Ferguson"
"Larry Hagman - Governor Fred Picker"
"Stacy Edwards - Jennifer Rogers"
"Diane Ladd - Mamma Stanton"
"Kevin Cooney - Senator Lawrence Harris"
"Rebecca Walker - March Cunningham"
"Caroline Aaron - Lucille Kaufman"
"Tommy Hollis - William "Fat Willie" McCollister"
"Rob Reiner - Izzy Rosenblatt"
"Ben L. Jones - Arlen Sporken"
"J. C. Quinn - Uncle Charlie"
"Allison Janney - Miss Walsh"
"Robert Klein - Norman Asher"
"Mykelti Williamson - Dewayne Smith"
"Robert Easton - Dr. Beauregard"
"Geraldo Rivera - himself"
"Charlie Rose - himself"
"Larry King - himself"
"Chelcie Ross - Charlie Martin"
"Tony Shalhoub - Eddie Reyes"
"John Vargas - Lorenzo Delgado"
"Robert Cicchini - Jimmy Ozio"
"Gia Carides - Cashmere McLeod"
"Bill Maher - himself"
"Sophia Choi - herself"
"Look, the car is temporarily out of order and it'll be ready in a minute, I swear."
"No, dear, I'm not a chicken; I'm an emu."
"I'm not yelling, I'm just speaking distinctly!"
"I'd like to tell everybody in America that this is absolutely the best place to come if you're ever shot in the ass."
"Oh, don't jump on the nice Mr. Vice President."
"Now, you know, I never read the—the Constitution. This'll be fun for all of us, won't it?"
"And this is the Declaration of Independence. Can you read that? "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain [i]nalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.—That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed." We're real proud of that."
"You mean officially he's here unofficially."
"You mean you wanna tell me what you think I should say, right?"
"He owes me a massage."
"You wanna know something? That before I started to work for the government, I'd never read the Constitution? I didn't even begin to know how things worked—I didn't. I didn't read the newspaper, except to look at my horoscope, and I never read the Declaration of Independence; but I know they had—the ones we're talking about, the "experts"—they all read it. They just forgot what it's about—that it's about "We the People." And that's me; I'm "We the People", and you're "We the People", and all of us, we're all "We the People", right? So when they sell me that ten-cent diamond, or down the river, or-or to some guy who wears a lot of medals, that means they're selling all of us, all of "We the People." And when they—I mean, when you guys—when you spend another pile of money, and when you give away or sell all those guns and tanks and planes, and every time you invite another foreign big-shot to the White House and hug and kiss 'em and give them presents, it has a direct effect on "We the People"'s lives!"
"Okay. Okay, now, who can we get to go talk to the girl and impress her? Come on, let's think, there must be someone—someone who's reasonably good-natured, has a reasonably high TVQ, and absolutely nothing important to do."
"He was cursing in at least four languages."
"There's something funny going on in Washington. Goldie's about to become a diplomat."
"Goldie Hawn - Sunny Davis"
"Chris Sarandon - Michael Ransome"
"Richard Romanus - Emir"
"Andre Gregory - Nawaf Al Kabeer"
"Gail Strickland - Ambassador St John"
"Cliff DeYoung - Hilley"
"Keith Szarabajka - Crowe"
"Ed Begley, Jr. - Hassler"
"James Staley - Vice President Merck"
"Kenneth Mars - Lou Fox"
"Jean Smart - Ella"
"Maria O'Brien - Donna"
"Joel Brooks - Ben"
"Grainger Hines - Jerry"
"Kenneth McMillan - Senator Morris"
"Classified? Really? Well right now I believe I have the proverbial need to fuckin' know."
"[last lines] We've lost good friends, family. All good people. Heroes, every one of them. Our thoughts and prayers go out to their families. And they will be remembered, nor will we forget those who served out of the spotlight, to whom we owe our highest gratitude. Our foe did not come only to destroy our things or our people, they came to desecrate a way of life. To foul our beliefs, to trample our freedom. And in this, not only did they fail, they gave us the greatest gift: a chance at our rebirth. We will rise, renewed, stronger and united. This is our time. Our chance to get back to the best of who we are. To lead by example with the honor, dignity and integrity that built this country, and which will build it once again. May God bless you. And may God bless these United States of America."
"I want to reassure the American people, and everyone in the world, that despite today's events, our government remains 100% functional. We know that the President is alive. To our friends, we are grateful for your loyalty and support. As a nation, we're never stronger than when tested. We will remain united and strong. God bless you all. And God bless the United States of America."
"There is a saying in Korea; seeing something a hundred times is not as good as living it once."
"It takes 15 minutes for your armed forces to reach the White House. We took it in thirteen."
"News Reporter: Not since the British burned down the White House in the War of 1812 has an enemy force occupied the center of American power."
"Lynn Jacobs: Banning is ex-Special Forces, Ranger battalion. He will move mountains or die trying! I know him!"
"We are never stronger than when we are tested."
"When our flag falls our nation will rise."
"Gerard Butler - Mike Banning"
"Aaron Eckhart - Benjamin Asher, President of the United States"
"Morgan Freeman - Allan Trumbull, Speaker of the House"
"Rick Yune - Kang Yeonsak"
"Angela Bassett - Lynne Jacobs, Director of the Secret Service"
"Cole Hauser - Agent Roma"
"Finley Jacobsen - Connor Asher, son of Benjamin and Margaret Asher"
"Ashley Judd - Margaret Asher, First Lady of the United States"
"Melissa Leo - Ruth McMillan, Secretary of Defense"
"Dylan McDermott - Dave Forbes"
"Radha Mitchell - Leah Banning"
"Sean O'Bryan - Ray Monroe, Deputy Director of the National Security Agency"
"Lance Broadway - Agent O'Neil"
"Tory Kittles - Agent Jones"
"Keong Sim - Lee Tae-Woo, Prime Minister of South Korea"
"Phil Austin - Charlie Rodriguez, Vice President of the United States"
"We’re not making a parody and I don’t even know if it is a satire but one thing is that the mandate from day one that we make the rules of the Sharknado we make it what they are and whatever we want them to do they do."
"Ian Ziering — Fin Shepard"
"Tara Reid — April Shepard"
"Cassie Scerbo — Nova Clarke"
"Bo Derek — May Wexler"
"Mark McGrath — Martin Brody"
"Frankie Muniz — Lucas Stevens"
"Ryan Newman — Claudia Shepard"
"Mark Cuban — President Marcus Robbins"
"Jack Griffo — Billy"
"David Hasselhoff — Gilbert Grayson Shepard"
"[about Dale] She is the only evidence of God I have seen with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry."
"There are several quintessential moments in a man's life: losing his virginity, getting married, becoming a father, and having the right girl smile at you."
"Blowtorch, anyone?"
"You know, there are more people in law school right now than there are lawyers on the entire planet? Think about that."
"[repeated line] Love sucks."
"I enjoy being afraid of Russia. It's a harmless fear, but it makes America feel better, Russia gets an inflated sense of national worth from our paranoia. How's that?"
"Never trust a woman who says she isn't angry."
"[to Jules] You know Jules, there is the brink of insanity and then there is the abyss, which obviously you have fallen into."
"[to Leslie] Yeah, once. Junior high, I played bongos in this band and I fell in love with the lead singer. She sang "We've Only Just Begun" as sweet as Karen Carpenter. So, one night, I got high on this cheap malt liquor, and I pledged my love to her. And the next day she ran off with a bass player named Ringo. So, I turned in my bongos for a battered Underwood typewriter."
"[to Naomi] Well, for your information, I happen to be in love with someone, only they don't know it, okay?"
"We won't even remember this tomorrow."
"Love, love, you know what love is? Love is an illusion created by lawyer types like yourself to perpetuate another illusion called marriage to create the reality of divorce and then the illusionary need for divorce lawyers."
"Do not hand that man a blowtorch."
"[to Jules] So, you lost your job? I've lost twenty of them since graduation, plus a wife and kid, and, in a new development this morning, a handful of hair in the shower drain. [puts a blanket on her] That's better. You know, this smells to me like a little bit of self-created drama. I should know; I've been starring in a few of my own."
"Jules, you know, honey... this isn't real. You know what it is? It's St. Elmo's Fire. Electric flashes of light that appear in dark skies out of nowhere. Sailors would guide entire journeys by it, but the joke was on them... there was no fire. There wasn't even a St. Elmo. They made it up. They made it up because they thought they needed it to keep them going when times got tough, just like you're making up all of this. We're all going through this. It's our time at the edge."
"Hey! Hey, take your hands off my wife."
"Join the club. You know, no one was buying this together-woman-of-the-eighties stuff anyway."
"No diet works. The only way to lose weight in the thighs is amputation."
"You wanna know what's great? Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and you know, it was my kitchen, it was my refrigerator, it was my apartment...and it was the BEST peanut butter and jelly sandwich that I have had in my entire life."
"[voiceover] I can't remember who met who first or who fell in love with who first. All I can remember is the seven of us always together."
"It is tomorrow."
"I'm not afraid to commit. I have to have something for myself first before I can share it with you."
"I just wish everything could be like it used to be, all of us friends."
"You break my heart. Then again, you break everyone's heart."
"I'm just so tired, Billy. Never thought I'd be so tired at 22."
"I don't know why you're both so worried... So, I bop him for a couple of years, get his job when he gets his hands caught in the vault, do a black mink ad, retire in utter disgrace, then write a best seller and be a fabulous host on my own talk show..."
"Come sit down and chillax."
"[to Leslie] Leslie, did I tell you? I'm sorry. I went to see my boss. I thought I was getting fired. Instead, the man took me to dinner."
"[about her stepmother] It turns out cremation costs just as much as the non-torching method. If I don't come up with a cheaper solution, I'm gonna end up a bag lady. Of course, I'll have alligator bags."
"Who wants to suck back a few Bloody Marys at St. Elmo's, on me?"
"They thought they'd be friends forever, but forever couldn't last."
"The passion burns deep."
"The heat this summer is at Saint Elmo's Fire."
"You can always count on your friends. Don't ever let the fire go out."
"Emilio Estevez - Kirby "Kirbo" Keager"
"Andrew McCarthy - Kevin Dolenz"
"Rob Lowe - Billy Hicks"
"Judd Nelson - Alec Newbury"
"Ally Sheedy - Leslie Hunter"
"Demi Moore - Julianna "Jules" Van Patten"
"Mare Winningham - Wendy Beamish"
"Andie MacDowell - Dale Biberman"
"Martin Balsam - Mr. Beamish"
"Joyce Van Patten - Mrs. Beamish"
"Jenny Wright - Felicia"
"[After a colleague asks if he is alright after having fallen to the ground] I'm having a heart attack, you idiot."
"[last lines] I can feel your incriminations. And your judgment. And I am fine with it. You want to be loved, go be a movie star. The world is as you find it, you gotta deal with that reality, and there are monsters in this world. We saw 3,000 innocent people burned to death by those monsters. And yet you object when I refuse to kiss those monsters on the cheek and say "pretty please." You answer me this: what terrorist attack would you have let go forward so you wouldn't seem like a mean and nasty fella? I will not apologize for keeping your families safe. And I will not apologize for doing what needed to be done, so that your loved ones can sleep peaceably at night. It has been my honor to be your servant. You chose me, and I did what you asked."
"As the world becomes more and more confusing, we tend to focus on the things that are right there in front of us while ignoring the massive forces that actually change and shape our lives. And, with people working longer and longer hours for less and less, when we do have free time, the last thing we want is complicated analysis on our government, lobbying, international trade agreement, and tax bills. So it's no surprise that, when a monotone, bureaucratic Vice President came to power, we hardly noticed as he achieved a position of authority that very few leaders in the history of America ever had."
"Christian Bale – Dick Cheney"
"Amy Adams – Lynne Cheney"
"Steve Carell – Donald Rumsfeld"
"Sam Rockwell – George W. Bush"
"Tyler Perry – Colin Powell"
"Alison Pill – Mary Cheney"
"Lily Rabe – Liz Cheney"
"Jesse Plemons – Kurt, the narrator"
"Justin Kirk – Scooter Libby"
"Don McManus – David Addington"
"LisaGay Hamilton – Condoleezza Rice"
"Stephen Adly Guirgis – George Tenet"
"Matthew Jacobs – Antonin Scalia"
"Shea Whigham – Wayne Vincent"
"Eddie Marsan – Paul Wolfowitz"
"Stefania LaVie Owen – Joan"
"Adam Bartley – Frank Luntz"
"Kirk Bovill – Henry Kissinger"
"Jillian Armenante – Karen Hughes"
"Bill Camp – Gerald Ford"
"Fay Masterson – Edna Vincent"
"Alfred Molina – Waiter"
"Naomi Watts – News Anchor"
"Joseph Beck – Karl Rove"
"Paul Perri – Trent Lott"
"You know, about a year ago, my private cook Mrs. Wright, who you know was driving from here down to the ranch in Texas. So I asked her if she would mind bringing my dog, Little Beagle Johnson, with her in order that he could be there when I got home. Mrs. Wright respectfully declined. She said it is hard enough for a black woman driving through the South without having a dog to worry about. Finding a place to eat, to sleep, to use the restroom. The personal cook of the vice president of the United States has to drive through towns without stopping , then squat to pee by the side of the road. Hundred years ago, she would've been a slave. Hundred years from now, hell, she might be... president. But today, we live in a time of too much uncertainty. Where can she eat? Where can she sleep? Can she vote? And if she does, will she be harassed for casting that vote? Can she attend school? If so, which school? Can she travel the cities and towns of this land without fearing for her safety? What rights that belong to the men in this room should not be afforded to her?"
"I have zero intention of running for President."
"Woody Harrelson - Lyndon B. Johnson"
"Jennifer Jason Leigh - Lady Bird Johnson"
"Michael Stahl-David - Robert F. Kennedy"
"Richard Jenkins - Senator Richard Russell"
"Bill Pullman - Senator Ralph Yarborough"
"Jeffrey Donovan - John F. Kennedy"
"Kim Allen - Jacqueline Kennedy"
"Brent Bailey - Ted Sorensen"
"John Burke - John Connally"
"John Ellison Conlee - George Reedy"
"Oliver Edwin - Bill Moyers"
"Darrel Guilbeau - Jack Valenti"
"Gary Grubbs - Senator Everett Dirksen"
"C. Thomas Howell - Walter Jenkins"
"Wallace Langham - Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr."
"Kate Butler - Juanita Roberts"
"Doug McKeon - Hubert Humphrey"
"Michael Mosley - Kenneth O'Donnell"
"Tim Ransom - Larry O'Brien"
"Rich Sommer - Pierre Salinger"
"Brian Stepanek - Rufus Youngblood"