92 quotes found
"[Opening Voiceover] A long, long time ago, Nosferatu, the undead, the race of the Vampire were driven from Egypt. Most fled to the Carpathian Mountains of Transylvania, but others of better taste, including myself, travelled south through Africa and over the Atlantic, to a beautiful island hidden deep in the Bermuda Triangle. There we lived for happy centuries, feasting on the blood of unwary travellers. Until discovered by the hunters once again. Then the blood that spilled was our own. I, alone, escaped. But a Vampire-alone is a Vampire doomed. My chance was to find the one known offspring of our tribe that had been born in a foreign land. A woman, somewhere in this place, called Brooklyn..."
"Interesting. I've been stabbed, and I've been hanged, and I've been burned. Even broken on the rack once, but I've never been shot before. It kind of itches a little. You have quite decent aim, though. But next time... [rips out Tony's beating heart as Anthony and Julius watche in sheer horror; growls] put a little HEART INTO IT!"
"[As Preacher Pauley] Evil is good, and ass is good, and if you find you a piece of evil ass, WOO!"
"[after being staked in gut] Let me give you an anatomy lesson. This [points] is my stomach. This [points] is my heart. Stomach. Heart. Stomach. Heart."
"Ohh, betting on the the Knicks... when will you learn?"
"[cornered by Maximillian] Hey, yo, man I don't know how you know me, but, uh, everything is everything. I ain't seen nothin', okay? So you can go ahead and just jump right back through the window, man. I won't tell anybody I saw you, 'cause I ain't really seen you! You know I'm blind! I got, like cataracts, I mean, um, contacts. I got astigmatism, man. I can't see; I'm blind. Where you at? Where you at? See, look. Where you at? Huh? Where you at?"
"Welcome to the party, Unc. Now let's get this show on the road...There's a new Vampire in Brooklyn, and his name is Julius Jones!"
"Call me, baby, call Silas."
"Who's driving this vessel? Stevie fucking Wonder?"
"Keep your faith, Detective. If I know one thing, its this, you'll need it!"
"Eddie Murphy - Maximillian / Preacher Pauly / Guido"
"Angela Bassett - Detective Rita Veder"
"Allen Payne - Detective Justice"
"Kadeem Hardison - Julius Jones"
"John Witherspoon - Silas Green"
"Zakes Mokae - Dr. Zeko"
"Joanna Cassidy - Captain Dewey"
"W. Earl Brown - Police Officer"
"Simbi Khali - Nikki"
"Ray Combs - Game Show Host"
"Why can't you just download porn like most other teenage boys?"
"You know the best thing about being a fairy? You get to fly."
"Putting on weight, Kyle?"
"All I got was a couple dates, some hot sex and an "I'm not ready for a relationship, it's not you it's me"."
"Why do men always go for the tortured ones? Poor, damaged Ellie."
"Fair fight? This is Hollywood!"
"I guess there's no such thing as safe sex with a werewolf."
"Jake, honey, muffin. I'm not going to kill her, I promise. I'm just gonna rip her to shreds and let her choke on her own blood... and then maybe I'll eat her."
"Fair fight? This is Hollywood! And you! You get one taste of blood and you freak out."
"I've got the gift. I blame my mother."
"I see blood."
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
"Have you ever felt like you're not human anymore?"
"The Evolution of the Specie."
"Christina Ricci - Ellie Myers"
"Joshua Jackson - Jake Taylor"
"Jesse Eisenberg - Jimmy Myers"
"Judy Greer - Joanie"
"Scott Baio - Himself"
"Milo Ventimiglia - Bo"
"Kristina Anapau - Brooke"
"Portia de Rossi - Zela"
"Shannon Elizabeth - Becky Morton"
"Mýa - Jenny Tate"
"Eric Ladin - Louie"
"Nick Offerman - Police Officer"
"Derek Mears - Werewolf"
"Craig Kilborn - Himself"
"Michelle Krusiec - Nosebleed Co-Worker"
"Lance Bass - Himself"
"Bowling for Soup - Themselves"
"Solar - Zipper, the dog"
"Sometimes bad things happen to good people."
"Pretty clear thinking given the circumstances. Wait, let me guess, some stress management courses? They're really paying off. When we get out of this, I may have to steal you."
"I never lied to you, Leese. You know why? 'Cause it doesn't serve me."
"Lisa, whatever female-driven, emotion-based dilemma you may be dealing with right now, you have my sympathy. But for the sake of time and sanity, let's break this down into a little male-driven fact-based logic. One simple phone call saves your dad's life."
"Where's your male-driven fact-based logic now Jack?"
"Not in my house!"
"Rachel McAdams - Lisa Reisert"
"Cillian Murphy - Jackson "Jack" Rippner"
"Brian Cox - Joseph "Joe" Reisert"
"Jayma Mays - Cynthia"
"Jack Scalia - Deputy Secretary of Homeland Security Charles "Charlie" Keefe"
"Colby Donaldson - Head Secret Service Agent"
"Robert Pine and Teresa Press-Marx - Bob and Marianne Taylor"
"Burn in hell for gettin' free, and burn in hell for showin' the way!"
"[To his dog] Shut the FUCK up!"
"Kiss your ass goodbye, boy!"
"What's a mother to do? Lazy brat sits in her room all day, sewing dolls. Children misbehaving in the basement! And one in the wall, doing his business God knows where. You kids will be the death of me... the death of me."
"I don't want to see another cop or cookie in my life. I don't know which one makes me sicker."
"You didn't lick this, did you?"
"Then she can burn in hell. Both of them."
"[Looking over money stash of the landlords] No wonder there's no money in the ghetto!"
"How did Spenser get past her? She's got X-Ray eyeballs!"
"[To Rottweiler dog] Hey fuzzball! Your mother sleeps with cats!"
"That X-ray lady's back, she's out back right now by the van. She's got a man with her the size of Detroit."
"Yeah, and maybe the President will make me Secretary of Pussy."
"We done popped this house's cherry."
"He came at me like an airplane or something!"
"Just because a man's lying down doesn't mean he's dead!"
"Nice to see the rich folks' got rats too."
"[To the woman] Go to hell!"
"Brandon Quintin Adams as Fool"
"Everett McGill as Man"
"Wendy Robie as Woman"
"A.J. Langer as Alice"
"Ving Rhames as Leroy"
"Sean Whalen as Roach"
"Bill Cobbs as Grandpa Booker"
"Kelly Jo Minter as Ruby Williams"
"Jeremy Roberts as Spenser"
"Conni Marie Brazelton as Mary"