46 quotes found
"[On the way to his brother's] Oh boy, those kids. I haven't seen those kids in a while. Tia's gotta be nine. Nine, maybe ten. Oh boy. And the two new ones. They're uh... Larry and... uh... Larry and, uh... Uh... Betsy. Betsy, uh... Jennifer. Jennifer. Larry and Jennifer. Nice kids."
"[Imitating a radio DJ while making breakfast] It’s 7:02 in the a.m., you’re listening to “W-I-don’t-have-to-go-to-work-today” brought to you by Kobolowski Tires. For the best in tires see Chanice! Kobolowski."
"[serving gigantic pancakes to Miles for his birthday] You should see the toast. I couldn't even get it through the door!"
"[struggling to open the washing machine] Do I have to talk dirty to you? Come on! Open up for daddy! I'm gonna shove a load into you! Here we go! Come on, it's nice and easy. Aaah! Come on, here we go! Ah! Take that! Take that! Come on! You don't want the crowbar, do you? Come on! OPEN UP! UUGGHH! I'm gonna shove my load into you whether you like it or not!"
"[to Maizy's principal] I don't think I want to know a six-year-old who isn't a dreamer, or a sillyheart. And I sure don't want to know one who takes their student career seriously. I don't have a college degree. I don't even have a job. But I know a good kid when I see one. Because they're ALL good kids, until dried-out, brain-dead skags like you drag them down and convince them they're no good. You so much as scowl at my niece, or any other kid in this school, and I hear about it, I'm coming looking for you! Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam."
"[They're eating Chinese take-out] This is such a wonderful dinner, Mother. How DO you find the time?"
"[to her mother] If my whole family moved away from me, I'd have a heart attack too."
"Hey, Mom. Next time you take off in the middle of the night, why don't you hire a murderer to watch the house?"
"Marcie Dahlgren-Frost: Marcie Dahlgren-Frost. Dahlgren is my maiden name, Frost is my married name. I'm single again, but I never bothered to remove the frost. And I get compliments on the hyphen."
"E. Roger Cogswell: [to Buck] You gotta let somebody know where you are. I've been checking car trunks for your corpse."
"John Candy - Buck Russell"
"Jean Louisa Kelly - Tia Russell"
"Gaby Hoffmann - Maizy Russell"
"Macaulay Culkin - Miles Russell"
"Amy Madigan - Chanice Kobolowski"
"Elaine Bromka - Cindy Russell"
"Garrett M. Brown - Bob Russell"
"Laurie Metcalf - Marcie Dahlgren-Frost"
"Jay Underwood - Bug"
"College is like high school with ashtrays."
"And in the end, I realized that I took more than I gave, I was trusted more than I trusted, and I was loved more than I loved. And what I was looking for was not to be found but to be made."
"Fantasy Girl: If you're still in love with her, how come you're here with me?"
"A comedy about the labors of love."
"Man. Woman. Life. Death. Infinity. Tuna casserole. One movie dares to tell it all."
"Kevin Bacon - Jefferson "Jake" Edward Briggs"
"Elizabeth McGovern - Kristen "Kristy" Bainbridge Briggs"
"Alec Baldwin - Davis McDonald"
"William Windom - Russ Bainbridge"
"Holland Taylor - Sarah Briggs"
"Cathryn Damon - Gayle Bainbridge"
"John Ashton - Ken"
"James Ray - Jim Briggs"
"Bill Erwin - Grandfather Briggs"
"Paul Gleason - Howard"
"Dennis Dugan - Bill"
"Larry Hankin - Hank"
"Edie McClurg - Lynn"
"Nancy Lenehan - Cynthia"
"Valerie Breiman as Erin"
"Gail O'Grady as Laura"
"Isabel García Lorca as Fantasy Girl"
"You killed my daddy!"
"You lived with him when he was nothing, you suffered his youth and the years of struggle, now you're entitled to half of everything he has."
"I don't usually smoke cigars, it's just that my friend had a baby."
"You can cry and not feel sad, just like you can feel sad and not cry."
"Are you all right? You seem a little... nice."