230 quotes found
"I am the great white ninja."
"I have traveled many miles and now have come disguised as a pimp to help you."
"Nice jacket, who shot the couch? (Laughter)"
"Haru, you are truly the Great White Ninja. (Finds out henchmen heard him say that) Did I say "ninja"? I meant "ninny." "Haru, you are such a ninny.""
"I wish I'd killed you months ago."
"There's no time! There's a bomb in here!"
"I love beef stew!"
"Hold on my moms texting me...No Way! We're having macaroni tonight that means garlic bread.. Yes!!"
"Is bad ass one or two words?"
"What are steroids? "Somtehing that makes your pee pee small"..... There must be steroids in macaroni!"
"For years I thought the sun was a monster. But I am here to tell you that it's not a monster! IT'S NOT A MONSTER! [cries]"
"Fine, you can eat the thin mints at my funeral, Richie."
"Richie told me about that killer lose in the neighborhood, He is killing anyone named Howie! That’s my name, That’s My Name!"
"Howie, you're a pp."
"Keep it under a billion, that's all I got... on me hahaha."
"If you build it, nerds will come."
"Richie: I... love... salad."
"Old Man At The Video Store: I smell Cinnamon rolls..."
"Gus: My wife is the only one who gets to twist these man titties."
"Rob Schneider as Gus"
"David Spade as Richie"
"Jon Heder as Clark"
"Jon Lovitz as Mel"
"Nick Swardson as Howie"
"Craig Kilborn as Jerry"
"Molly Sims as Liz"
"Tim Meadows as Wayne"
"Amaury Nolasco as Carlos"
"Bill Romanowski as Karl"
"Reggie Jackson as Himself"
"Max Padro as Nelson"
"Danny McCarthy as Troy"
"Sean Salisbury as Brad"
"Matt Weinberg as Kyle"
"John P. Farley as Swimmer Boy"
"Terry Crews as Steven (Poker Guy #1)"
"Dennis Dugan as Coach Bellows"
"Joe Gnoffo as Marcus Elwood"
"Vanessa, you're a HOOTER'S girl?"
"Having a kid is great...As long as his eyes are closed, and he's not moving or speaking."
"I thought I had a mother lined up for him, but she's busy banging the Pepperidge Farm guy."
"The boy just won't quit peeing and throwing up. He's like a cocker spaniel!"
"[drops a can in a supermarket] Dented cans are half-price. Microsoft went down 3 points. We gotta save some money."
"Nature called. Look who answered."
"Once you adopt a kid, you've got to keep him."
"Adam Sandler as Sonny Koufax"
"Dylan and Cole Sprouse as Julian McGrath"
"Joey Lauren Adams as Layla Maloney"
"Jon Stewart as Kevin Gerrity"
"Leslie Mann as Corinne Maloney"
"Rob Schneider as Nazo"
"Steve Buscemi as Homeless Man"
"And a beer bong for the lady?"
"Dude, if you get the nachos stuck together, that's one nacho."
"I brought you some more videos. You got your choice: porn or monster trucks. And I got one that's both."
"[arm wrestling with Wayne] You've got quite a grip. You must be a heavy masturbator. My guess is three times a day? I bet you're a premature ejaculator. You start off with a big bang. Before you know it, you're limp. [wins the match] I win, you lose. Now get out."
"Tonight Mr. Chang gets lucky. Young lady, so horny, so impatient...Oh, scrotum!"
"There's no fight left in you boys. You're nutless. You been pussified."
"They swore nothing could come between them. Then she came along."
"From the director of "Big Daddy"."
"2 Best Friends + 1 Girlfriend = WAR"
"They swore nothing would come between them. Then evil walked in the door"
"They've sworn to save Silverman."
"Jason Biggs — Darren Silverman"
"Steve Zahn — Wayne Lefessier"
"Jack Black — J.D. McNugent"
"Amanda Peet — Judith Fessbeggler-Lefessier, Wayne’s wife"
"R. Lee Ermey — Coach Norton, J.D.’s husband"
"Amanda Detmer — Sandy Perkus-Silverman, Darren’s wife"
"Neil Diamond — Himself"
"Kyle Gass — Bar Guy"
"Gentlemen, I have a very simple policy. What you shove up your ass is your own business."
"Whenever, whatever. That's the code."
"[When Chuck says he and Larry have always been together, in reference to their shifts in the fire department] So were my balls. Now I only have one of them."
"If these two men are gay then I'm a one-legged parrot. Anybody see me with a crutch and a cracker?"
"And most importantly, they showed us that no matter whom we choose to love, be they heterosexual, homosexual, asexual, bisexual, trisexual, quadrisexual, pansexual, transexual, omnisexual or that thing where the chick ties the belt around your neck and tinkles on a ballon, it has absolutely nothing to do with who we are as people."
"They're as straight as can be, but don't tell anyone."
"How far would you go for a friend?"
"Chuck has just found the perfect girl. Too bad he's agreed to marry his best friend."
"Adam Sandler as Charles Todd "Chuck" Levine, Larry’s husband and Eric & Tori’s stepfather"
"Kevin James as Lawrence Arthur "Larry" Valentine, Chuck’s husband and Eric & Tori’s father"
"Jessica Biel as Alex McDonough"
"Ving Rhames as Fred G. Duncan, Kevin’s husband"
"Nick Swardson as Kevin McDonough, Alex’s brother and Fred’s husband"
"Steve Buscemi as Clinton Fitzer"
"Dan Aykroyd as Captain Phineas J. Tucker"
"Nicholas Turturro as Renaldo Pinera"
"Richard Chamberlain as Councilman Banks"
"Mary Pat Gleason as Teresa"
"Rachel Dratch as Sara Powers"
"Matt Winston as Glen Aldrich"
"Peter Dante as Tony Paroni"
"Cole Morgen as Eric Valentine, Larry’s son and Chuck’s stepson"
"Shelby Adamowsky as Tori Valentine, Larry’s daughter and Chuck’s stepdaughter"
"Allen Covert as Steve"
"Lance Bass as Bandleader"
"Dave Matthews as Salesman"
"Blake Clark as Crazy Homeless Man"
"Dan Patrick as New York Cop"
"Tila Tequila as Hooters Girl"
"Jamie Chung as Hooters Girl"
"Dennis Dugan as Cab Driver"
"Rob Corddry as Jim the Protestor"
"Jonathan Loughran as David Nootzie"
"Becky and Jessie O'Donohue as Donna and Darla"
"David Spade as Transvestite Groupie (uncredited)"
"Rob Schneider as Asian Minister (uncredited)"
"Arne Starr as Court Supporter (uncredited)"
"Jim Ford as Criminal Stuck in chimney (uncredited)"
"Where is Saskatchatoon?"
"We needed to be here. Our kids were turning into snotty, spoiled, little. This is what we needed."
"I bet you $5.00 he gets on one knee."
"Shift, shift."
"Higgins, don't say that."
"You see that? You just aim for a spot and shoot the ball there?"
"Roxanne, I have made out with about 25 girls in this very spot and I want you to be number 26."
"If I don't make it to the funeral, tell the police it was Arlene from Applebee's."
"Hey. What's up, Lenny? Buddy, I thought you were going to start working out."
"Um... you're fat."
"Oh, grody."
"Hey, Y. Where's MCA?"
"[to Deanne's mother] What, are you going in the electric chair?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Not hell... Mexico."
"Is that making me horny? Yes!"
"I'm horny too!"
"Why didn't you tell us she gets it?"
"Ahh bad turtle!"
"And this must be your mother."
"I'm sorry!"
"Your son is so cute. How old is he?"
"Typical men. They put it in and take it out like bitch why you take it out, and then trade it in for some cow."
"As long as I am the last."
"Hey, guys! Motion 78!"
"That's what I've been trying to say all along."
"I see that ass is still growing. Got a little Kardhashian in there."
"You broke my heart!"
"[talking about Jasmaine Hilliard and Rob] How do you get that... from that?"
"[(seeing Bridget, Rob's resemblance daughter] Now, that makes sense."
"[looking at Jasmine's butt, as she is trying to fix the car bending over] I hope that car never gets fixed."
"No, I'm the black guy and you're the other black guy"
"Dude, did you seriously just land on that bird?"
"Mommy, I want some milk."
"Mommy, can I have some of her milk?"
"I thought we were going to get wasted."
"You're wasting it!"
"I want mommy's milk!"
"I want mommy's milk."
"I'm just like daddy."
"Piece of crap car."
"[talking to Rob about the broken car] My old man lent me this turd."
"[seeing Jasmine being sprayed with air by the car's bonnet] Hoochie Mama."
"Boys will be boys... some longer than others."
"Adam Sandler as Lenny Feder"
"Kevin James as Eric Lamonsoff"
"Chris Rock as Kurt McKenzie"
"David Spade as Marcus "Higgy" Higgins"
"Rob Schneider as Rob Hillard"
"Salma Hayek as Roxanne Chase-Feder"
"Maria Bello as Sally Lamonsoff"
"Maya Rudolph as Deanne McKenzie"
"Di Quon as Rita"
"Madison Riley as Jasmine Hillard"
"Jamie Chung as Amber Hillard"
"Ashley Loren as Bridget Hillard"
"Colin Quinn as Dickie Bailey"
"Tim Meadows as Malcolm"
"Norm Macdonald as Geezer"
"Steve Buscemi as Wiley"
"Blake Clark as Coach"
"Ada-Nicole Sanger as Donna Lamonsoff"
"China Anne McClain as Charlotte McKenzie"
"Cameron Boyce as Keithie Feder"
"Joyce Van Patten as Gloria Hillard"
"Dan Patrick as Norby the Ride Guy (uncredited)"
"Nadji Jeter as Andre McKenzie"
"Adam Sandler as Leonard "Lenny" Feder"
"Kevin James as Erickson "Eric" Lamonsoff"
"Chris Rock as Kurtis "Kurt" McKenzie"
"Nick Swardson as Nicholas "Nick" Hilliard"
"Stone Cold Steve Austin as Dennis Cavanaugh"
"Salma Hayek as Roxanne "Roxie" Chase-Feder"
"Jackie Sandler as Jackie Tardio"
"Aly Michalka as Sexy Bikini Girl Savannah"
"Andy Samberg as Male Cheerleader"
"Jake Goldberg as Greg Feder"
"Alexys Nycole Sanchez as Becky Feder"
"Frank Gingerich as Bean Lamonsoff"
"Georgia Engel as Mrs. Lamonsoff"
"Taylor Lautner as Frat Boy Andy"
"Milo Ventimiglia as Frat Boy Milo"
"Patrick Schwarzenegger as Frat Boy Cooper"
"David Henrie as Frat Boy Zac"
"Jimmy Tatro as Frat Boy"
"Alexander Ludwig as Braden"
"Allen Covert as Hippie Teacher"
"Erin Heatherton as Female Cheerleader"
"Taran Killam as Male Cheerleader"
"Halston Sage as Nancy Arbuckle"
"Cheri Oteri as Penny"
"Ellen Cleghorne as Mary Fluzoo"
"Shaquille O'Neal as Officer Fluzzo"
"Peter Dante as Officer Dante"
"Chris Hardwick as Ice Cream Vendor"
"Jon Lovitz as Squats Fitness Janitor"
"[to Jill] Don't forget your sweat shadow."
"[apologizing to Jill] I'm sorry that you make everyone uncomfortable. I really am."
"[to Jack] Why are you so afraid to admit that we are connected? Face it. We shared Mom's womb. We were womb-mates."
"Adam Sandler - Jack Sadelstein/Jill Sadelstein"
"Al Pacino - himself"
"Katie Holmes - Erin Sadelstein"
"Eugenio Derbez - Felipe / Felipe's grandmother"
"Tim Meadows - Ted"
"Nick Swardson - Todd"
"Allen Covert - Otto"
"Elodie Tougne - Sofie Sadelstein"
"Rohan Chand - Gary Sadelstein"
"Geoff Pierson - Carter Simmons"
"Valerie Mahaffey - Bitsy Simmons"
"Gad Elmaleh - Xavier"
"Gary Valentine - Dallas"
"Kristin Davis - Delilah"