Films based on television series

"[looking through Fester's suitcase] Crowbar... dynamite... cyanide. Fester- as if we'd run out."

"And our credo, "Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc"..."We gladly feast on those who would subdue us". Not just pretty words."

"Wednesday, play with your food!"

"Thing, you're a handful."

"Don't torture yourself, Gomez- that's my job."

"Gomez, last night, you were unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. [pause] Do it again!"

"[looking through an armoire] Uncle Nick-Nack's winter wardrobe... Uncle Nick-Nack's summer wardrobe... Uncle Nick-Nack..."

"They say she danced naked in the town square and enslaved a minister! But don't worry, we told Wednesday, "College first.""

"[watching Pugsley sleep] He looks so sweet... just like a little entrée."

"[to Tully] Dirty pool, old man. I like it!"

"[Watching Morticia sleep] Look at her. I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way, what bliss."

""How do you take it off?" That's absurd! That finger trap was a party favor at his 10th birthday! He wore that finger trap for two years! Mother had to teach him to eat with his feet!"

"Spirits above me, give me a sign! Shall I be joyous, or shall I be damned?"

"Taught to us by our Cossack cousins, the Mamushka has been an Addams family tradition since God knows when. We danced the Mamushka while Nero fiddled. We danced the Mamushka at Waterloo. We danced the Mamushka for Jack the Ripper. And now, Fester Addams, this Mamushka is for you."

"That's the spirit, Thing! Lend a hand!"

"They say that a man who represents himself in court has a fool for a client. And, with God as my witness, I am that fool!"

"2, 10, 11- eyes, fingers, toes!"

"[Listening to Thing's Morse Code] Morticia in danger stop. Send help at once stop."

"[when asked about her Halloween costume] This is my costume. I'm a homicidal maniac- they look just like everyone else."

"[Pugsley is tied up, an apple in his mouth. He mumbles something to her] Don't be a baby. I know what I'm doing. [Raises and aims her crossbow]"

"[upon seeing that Fester is actually Gordon] I knew it! You are a fake!"

"Grandma: Dinner's gonna be late. [goes outside chasing a cat] Here, boy! Here, boy!"

"Fester: Three parts dynamite, with a nitroglycerin cap. It's perfect for small homes, carports and toolsheds."

"Anjelica Huston — Morticia Addams"

"Raúl Juliá — Gomez Addams"

"Christina Ricci — Wednesday Addams"

"Jimmy Workman — Pugsley Addams"

"Christopher Lloyd — Uncle Fester / Gordon Craven"

"Judith Malina — Grandma"

"Elizabeth Wilson — Dr. Greta Pinder-Schloss / Abigail Craven"

"Dan Hedaya — Tully Alford"

"[to Claire] WAKE UP, CLAIRE! JIM'S DEAD! MY TEAM'S DEAD! THEY'RE ALL DEAD!"

"If you're dealing with someone who's crushed, shot, stabbed, and detonated five members of his own IMF team, how devastated do you really think you're gonna make him by hauling Ma and Uncle Donald down to the county courthouse?"

"[Holding the wad of explosive chewing gum before jumping off a chopper in the Channel Tunnel] RED LIGHT! GREEN LIGHT!"

"I want him manning a radar tower in Alaska by the end of the day. Just mail him his clothes."

"What can we do, Barnes? Put a guy at the airport? How many identities do you think Hunt has? How many times has he slipped past customs, in how many countries? These guys are trained to be ghosts. We taught them to do it for Christ's sake."

"Let's not waste time chasing after him; let's make him come to us. Everyone has pressure points, Barnes. You find something that's personally important to someone and... you squeeze."

"Good morning, Mr. Phelps..."

"Tape Recorder: This tape will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Jim."

"Jack Harmon: [referring to a stick of exploding gum] Stick of gum, right? No. Red light, green light. Come up against a lock you can't pick, you mash them together...[imitates an explosion] Hasta lasagna, don't get any on ya. You'll have about five seconds. Just don't chew it."

"Senator John Waltzer: I want to know who these people are and how they're spending our taxpayers' money. We were living in a democracy the last time I checked."

"Max: I don't have to tell you what a comfort anonymity can be in my profession. It's like a warm blanket."

"Franz Krieger: Try any sleight of hand with my money and I'll cut your throat."

"Jim Phelps: When you think about it, Ethan, it was inevitable. No more Cold War. No more secrets you keep from everyone but yourself. Operations, you answer to no one but yourself. And then one day, you wake up, the President of the United States is running the country without your permission. That son-of-a-bitch,Kittridge !? how-dare-he? And you realize, it's over. You're an obsolete piece of hardware not worth upgrading, you got a lousy marriage and sixty-two grand a year."

"Tom Cruise - Ethan Hunt"

"Jon Voight - Jim Phelps"

"Emmanuelle Béart - Claire Phelps"

"Henry Czerny - Eugene Kittridge"

"Jean Reno - Franz Krieger"

"Ving Rhames - Luther Stickell"

"Kristin Scott Thomas - Sarah Davies"

"Vanessa Redgrave - Max"

"Jesse Duke has been to two places in his life: Hazzard County and Korea. As far as he's concerned, that's one place too many."

"When you're flying by the seat of your pants, nothing sounds better than a Plan B."

"The only way I'm leavin' the ranch is in a wooden box!"

"Guy come out of an antique shop carrying a big grandfather's clock. Bumped into this drunk, broke the clock."

"An apple a day will keep the doctor away, darling."

"(To Cooter) "Boy, you couldn't fix an election if your brother was the governor!""

"I think something bounced up into my undercarriage."

"Enos, where's Boss Hogg and Roscoe?" (Enos- At your farm) "Thank you Enos. That might be a new record."

"(To Daisy about his car) "She's faster than a cheetah on cocaine.""

"Johnny Knoxville as Luke Duke"

"Seann William Scott as Bo Duke"

"Jessica Simpson as Daisy Duke"

"Burt Reynolds as Boss Hogg"

"Willie Nelson as Uncle Jesse Duke"

"David Koechner as Cooter Davenport"

"M.C. Gainey as Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane"

"Michael Weston as Deputy Enos Strate"

"Lynda Carter as Pauline"

"James Roday as Billy Prickett"

"Kevin Heffernan as Derek "Sheev" Sheevington"

"Nikki Griffin as Katie-Lynn Johnson"

"Jacqui Maxwell as Annette"

"Alice Greczyn as Laurie Pullman"

"Junior Brown as The Balladeer (narrator)"

"Joe Don Baker as Governor Jim Applewhite"

"Barry Corbin as Bill Pullman"

"People don't like to be meddled with. We tell them what to do, what to think. Don't run, don't walk. We're in their homes and in their heads and we haven't the right. We're meddlesome."

"I swallowed a bug."

"The Reavers! They're all made up of rage. I can't shut them up!"

"It's not safe … for them."

"What was that?"

"I look out for me and mine. That don't include you 'less I conjure it does. Now you stuck a thorn in the Alliance's paw. That tickles me a bit. But it also means I got to step twice as fast to avoid them and that means turning down plenty of jobs. Even honest ones. Put this crew together with the promise of work, which the Alliance makes harder every year. Come a day there won’t be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all. This job goes south, there well may not be another. So here is us, on the raggedy edge. Don't push me, and I won't push you."

"This is how it is. Anybody doesn't wanna fly with me anymore, this is your port of harbor. There's a lot of fine ways to die. I ain't waiting for the Alliance to choose mine. I mean to confound these bungers. Take my shot at getting to Miranda. Maybe find something I can use to get clear of this. So I hear a word out of any of you that ain't helping me out or taking your leave, I will shoot you down."

"Sorry about the throat. Expect you'd want to say your famous last words right now. Just one trouble. I ain't gonna kill you. Hell, I'm gonna grant your greatest wish. I'm gonna show you a world without sin."

"I'm assumin' y'all were listenin'? Did you hear us fight? [pause] Trap."

"We crashing again?"

"Do you know what the definition of a hero is? Someone who gets other people killed. You can look it up later."

"At last, we can retire and give up this life of crime."

"This is the place. We'll buy you the time."

"She's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true. [when asked by Mal about the status of Serenity, referring to both the ship and herself after the final battle]"

"Let's go back to the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a ninety-pound girl, 'cause I don't think that's ever gonna get old."

"I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar."

"We're gonna explode!? I don't wanna explode!"

"Shiny! Let's be bad guys."

"I just don't get it. How's a man get so wrong? Cuttin' on his own face, rapin' and murdering — Hell, I'll kill a man in a fair fight... or if I think he's gonna start a fair fight. Or if he bothers me. Or if there's a woman. Or if I'm gettin' paid. Mostly only when I'm gettin' paid. But these Reavers... last ten years they show up like the bogeyman from stories. Eating people alive? Where's that get fun?"

"She is starting to damage my calm!"

"It was a very beautiful ceremony. Lenore wrote her own vows. I cried. Like a baby. A hungry, angry baby."

"You guys always bring me the very best violence."

"Bring it on, bring it on, bring it on. From here to the eyes and the ears of the 'verse, that's my motto. Or at least it would be, if I start having a motto."

"Can't stop the signal, Mal. Everything goes somewhere, and I go everywhere."

"They can't stop the signal, Mal. They can never stop the signal."

"This is a good death. There's no shame in this, in a man's death. A man who has done fine works. We’re making a better world. All of them, better worlds."

"You should have let me see her, Captain. We should have done this as men. Not with fire."

"Target the Reavers. Target the Reavers! Target everyone! Somebody fire!"

"Shepherd Book: [Last words] I don’t care what you believe. Just believe in... whatever she..."

"Kaylee: Don’t pay anybody in advance. And don’t ride in anything with a Capissen 38 engine, they fall right out of the sky."

"Can't stop the signal."

"Space Pirates on the run!"

"This is one "River" you do not want to cross."

"The future is worth fighting for."

"They aim to misbehave."

"Nathan Fillion - Malcolm "Mal" Reynolds"

"Gina Torres - Zoë Washburne"

"Alan Tudyk - Hoban "Wash" Washburne"

"Morena Baccarin - Inara Serra"

"Adam Baldwin - Jayne Cobb"

"Jewel Staite - Kaylee Frye"

"Sean Maher - Dr. Simon Tam"

"Summer Glau - River Tam"

"Ron Glass - Shepherd Book"

"Chiwetel Ejiofor - The Operative"

"From the moment I slapped eyes on this hombre, I smelled trouble. And re-fried beans."

"Lord... whatever I've done to piss you off... if you could just get me out of this and somehow let me know what it was I promise to rectify the situation."

"You thought that was fast? I thought it was fast. Well was it?"

"If I can't touch you, I can touch your shirt and dream."

"Zane Cooper: I've never committed a cold blooded murder in my life, and I'm not about to. Not till I find Maverick."

"Joseph: Yeah, I know. You know the next time you people come and drive us off our land I'm gonna find a nice piece of swamp that's so God-awful, maybe then you'll leave us the hell alone."

"Angel: Almost got hung once myself. Didn't care for it much."

"Lead Bank Robber: I'm getting too old for this shit."

"The greatest gambler in the West has finally met his match."

"In their hands, a deck of cards was the only thing more dangerous than a gun."

"Mel Gibson - Bret Maverick, Jr."

"Jodie Foster - Mrs. Annabelle Bransford"

"James Garner - Marshall Zane Cooper"

"Graham Greene - Joseph"

"Alfred Molina - Angel"

"James Coburn - Commodore Duvall"

"In Bay City, when you cross the line, your nuts are mine."

"Stop shooting my car!"

"When I house sit for my sister I don't claim it's my house."

"[After accidentally shooting a horse] Are you OK, little pony?"

"Come on cap, don't drag Hutch into this. It was me, I shot the pony."

"[kid throws a knife and hits Starsky] Ow! Oh, mama! What is your problem?"

"A little word of advice: next time you're watching a place, don't claim that you own it just because you're watching it, OK? I house sit for my sister all the time; it's not like I claim that I own her house, ya know what I mean?"

"That's me in the leather jacket and tight jeans."

"I am not...my MOTHER!!!!"

"It was my mother she always used to say it was too much car for me to handle. I couldn't handle the V8."

"Do it, Do it."

"I've always had this theory about police work. If you can't beat 'em? join 'em! Besides, a lot of cops worry about the wrong thing - crime. Not me though. I'm looking out for numero uno."

"[drunk in Huggy's bar, talking to another customer] Ruin me! He didn't care if he got ruined, that was the whole point of the episode."

"[ducking] That ain't a kid, it's a tiny little man... And he's got knives. Goddamn."

"I don't know. Listen to Jim Croce, play darts... whatever the hell else you white people do."

"It's a '76, won't be out 'til next year. But I know some people who know some people that rob some people."

"I found yo' nine-iron, bitch."

"Look man, this grass is Alabama Creepin' Bent, as opposed to Georgia Creepin' Bent. It's lighter."

"That's for putting hands on Huggy Bear. Nobody touches the Bear, you dig?"

"Look what the wind blew in."

"I believe that was God - the greatest mack of all."

"Coke: it costs money. Planes: they cost money. This yacht, this perm, my kid's braces: it all costs money... Do you think Kitty's free?"

"If this shit wasn't illegal guys, we'd be up for the Nobel Prize."

"Ya know, I believe it was our buddy Bill Shakespeare who said, "To err is human, but to forgive, well that's right on.""

"Goodbye, heroes!"

"Big Earl: Alright guys, I'm not gonna lie to you. This is gonna get weird... 2 dragons."

"Dancin' Rick: This floor is made for dancin', you can tell by the lights."

"They're the man."

"The original partners in crime."

"Tough on crime. Easy on the eye."

"Always on the lookout for a big bust."

"Crimebustin's a joint effort."

"Good Cops. Bad Hair."

"Ben Stiller — Starsky"

"Owen Wilson — Hutch"

"Snoop Dogg — Huggy Bear"

"Vince Vaughn — Reese"

"Fred Williamson — Captain Doby"

"Juliette Lewis — Kitty"

"Jason Bateman — Kevin"

"Amy Smart — Holly"

"Carmen Electra — Stacey"

"George Cheung — Chau"

"Chris Penn — Manetti"

"Molly Sims — Mrs. Feldman"

"Terry Crews — Porter"

"Brande Roderick — Heather"

"Patton Oswalt — Disco DJ"

"Will Ferrell (uncredited) — Big Earl"

"If Robin and I were to remove our masks, the secret of our true identities will be revealed."

"So it seems, loose to plague us with his criminal conundrums."

"They may be drinkers, Robin, but they're also human beings."

"Bon Voyage, Pussy."

"Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb..."

"I will bash him brutally."

"Holy Sardine!"

"Catwoman?!"

"Holy nightmare!"

"Holy Polaris!"

"Holy Halloween!"

"Holy heart failure!"

"Holy bikini, that was close!"

"Holy Captain Nemo!"

"Holy heartbreak! Miss Kitka!"

"Holy jumble! Where's the hope of the world now?"

"[meows] You're going to see the purr-fect crime, when I get Batman in my claws! [hisses]"

"Scratch out their eyes!"

"Me-ow-oww."

"I say its crazy. But I say let's try it. We have to do something to get Batman out of the way!"

"Miss Kitka dies if you take one more step!"

"Nothing can stop us now."

"I'll slip into something more comfortable while your cocoa is warming."

"Penguin, you KNOW cats hate water!"

"Narrator: This yacht is bringing a revolutionary scientific invention to Gotham City. On a peaceful afternoon motor ride, millionaire Bruce Wayne and his youthful ward Dick Grayson have been summoned back to Wayne Manor by an urgent but anonymous call for help; the invention AND its custodian are reported in grave danger aboard the yacht! Never ones to shirk responsibility, Bruce and Dick, with characteristic speed and resolve, descend promptly into The Batcave, and then, as they have done many times before, as BATMAN AND ROBIN, courageous warriors against crime, they are off once again to the rescue!"

"The Riddler: Question: Who's going to make the feathers fly and knock Batman and Robin out of the sky?"

"The Joker: Have you heard this one? It'll KILL you, Batman! [laughs]"

"Penguin: There are two eggs this wily bird is gonna scramble. Batman and Robin!"

"FOR THE FIRST TIME ON THE MOTION PICTURE SCREEN IN COLOR! Adam West As Batman And Burt Ward As Robin Together With All Their Fantastic Derring-Do And Their Dastardly Villains, Too!"

"MEN DIE! WOMEN SIGH! Beneath that Batcape - he's all man!"

"Adam West - Bruce Wayne/Batman"

"Burt Ward - Dick Grayson/Robin"

"Lee Meriwether - Miss Kitka/The Catwoman"

"Cesar Romero - The Joker"

"Burgess Meredith - The Penguin"

"Frank Gorshin - The Riddler"

"Alan Napier - Alfred Pennyworth"

"Neil Hamilton - Commissioner James Gordon"

"Stafford Repp - Chief O'Hara"

"Madge Blake - Aunt Harriet Cooper"

"Killer, huh? I just got so excited. When it's big like that I just love to ride it hard and rough."

"Cameron Diaz — Natalie Cook"

"Drew Barrymore — Dylan Sanders"

"Lucy Liu — Alex Munday"

"Demi Moore — Madison Lee"

"John Forsythe — Charlie"

"Bernie Mac — Jimmy Bosley"

"Crispin Glover — The Thin Man"

"Justin Theroux — Seamus O'Grady"

"Robert Patrick — Ray Carter"

"Matt LeBlanc — Jason"

"Luke Wilson — Pete"

"John Cleese — Mr. Munday"

"Jaclyn Smith - Kelly Garrett"

"This summer the Angels are back."

"Once upon a time, there were three very different little girls... who grew up to be three very different women. But they have three things in common: They're brilliant, they're beautiful and they work for me. My name is Charlie."

"They're beautiful, they're brilliant, and they work for Charlie"

"Cameron Diaz — Natalie"

"Drew Barrymore — Dylan Sanders"

"Lucy Liu — Alex Munday"

"Bill Murray — Bosley"

"Sam Rockwell — Eric Knox"

"Tim Curry — Roger Corwin"

"Kelly Lynch — Vivian Wood"

"Crispin Glover — The Thin Man"

"Matt LeBlanc — Jason"

"Luke Wilson — Pete"

"John Forsythe — Charlie"

"Enterprise, what we got back didn't live long... fortunately."

"It learns fast, doesn't it?"

"Your child is having a tantrum, Mr. Spock!"

"Spock, this child is about to wipe out every living thing on Earth. Now, what do you suggest we do? Spank it?"

"Well, Jim, I hear Chapel's an M.D. now. Well I'm going to need a top nurse... not a doctor who will argue every little diagnosis with me. And they probably redesigned the whole sick bay, too! I know engineers—they love to change things."

"This simple feeling, is beyond V'Ger's comprehension."

"The human adventure is just beginning."

"Ah, Kirk, my old friend. Do you know the Klingon proverb that tells us revenge is a dish that is best served cold? It is very cold in space."

"[last words] Now. Now, you can't get away. From Hell's heart, I stab at thee. For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee."

"[eulogizing Spock] We are assembled here today to pay final respects to our honored dead. And yet it should be noted, that in the midst of our sorrow, this death takes place in the shadow of new life, the sunrise of a new world; a world that our beloved comrade gave his life to protect and nourish. He did not feel this sacrifice a vain or empty one, and we will not debate his profound wisdom at these proceedings. Of my friend, I can only say this: Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most.... [voice breaks] human."

"I’ve always wanted to make a movie with submarines and destroyers and people torpedoing each other—a sort of case of arrested development—but I thought, ‘Oh, OK, this is about the Navy. I know how to do this. … And Khan, because I’d seen that episode ‘Space Seed,’ and I thought, ‘Oh, that guy must be pretty angry by now.'"

"The cast and crew of Star Trek wish to dedicate this film to the men and women of the spaceship Challenger whose courageous spirit shall live to the 23rd century and beyond..."

"How on Earth can they save the future?"

"Beaming down to Earth December 12, 1986."

"The crew of the starship Enterprise is coming home."

"The key to saving the future can be found only in the past."

"Only the technology of the future, can save what's endangering the past."

"They travelled back where 23rd century man had never gone before. To a mad, crazy, outrageous time: 1987."

"You know, there was a time when I wouldn't hurt a fly. Then the Borg came, and they showed me that if there is one constant in this whole universe, it's death. Afterwards, I began to realize that it didn't really matter. We're all going to die sometime. It's just a question of how and when. You will, too, Captain. Aren't you beginning to feel time gaining on you? It's like a predator. It's stalking you. Oh, you can try and outrun it with doctors, medicines, new technologies, but in the end, time is going to hunt you down and make the kill."

"They say time is the fire in which we burn. Right now, Captain, my time is running out. We leave so many things unfinished in our lives... I know you understand."

"We are the Borg. Lower your shields and surrender your ships. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile."

"Resistance is Futile."

"Earth. Population Nine Billion. None Human."

"[to a cop he stops while being chased by Gerard] Officer, there's a man in a blue topcoat waving a gun and screaming...at a woman. [The cops temporarily restrain Gerard]"

"You switched the samples, And the pathology reports! You kill Lentz, too?! Huh?! Did you?! He falsified his research, so that RDU-90 could be approved and Devlin McGregor could give you... Provasic!"

"Your fugitive's name is Dr. Richard Kimble. Go get him."

"[On the phone receiving a dressing down from his superior that he was supposed to capture and interrogate Copeland, not kill him] What can I tell you, sir? Mr. Copeland was a bad man. He was going to kill one of my kids. Well, sir you can blame me, I mean I'm the one who shot him."

"So he showed up not dead yet. Let that be a lesson to you, boys and girls. Don't ever argue with the Big Dog, because the Big Dog is always right."

"Stop that Man!!!"

"Dr. Richard Kimble! There's no way out of here, Richard! The entire building is locked down! Give it up Richard, you don't have any time, Chicago police department thinks you're a cop killer, they WILL shoot you on sight! Richard, I know you're innocent! I know about Frederick Sykes! I know about Dr. Charles Nichols! Richard, he borrowed your car the night of your wife's murder, he had the keys! No forced entry, Richard! He telephoned Sykes from your car, Richard! Richard, give it up! Richard, I'm either lying or I'm gonna shoot you, what do you think? Give it up, It's time to stop running!"

"We just got word from the U.S. Marshals that our old friend Richard Kimble is alive and well and has decided to come back home to Chicago. Now, we all know what high regard we hold for this scumbag, so I am personally donating a bottle of 12-year old Scotch to whoever puts the collar on this quack."

"A murdered wife. A one-armed man. An obsessed detective. The chase begins."

"Harrison Ford — Dr. Richard Kimble"

"Tommy Lee Jones — Marshal Samuel Gerard"

"Sela Ward — Helen Kimble"

"Julianne Moore — Dr. Anne Eastman"

"Joe Pantoliano — Deputy Marshal Cosmo Renfro"

"Andreas Katsulas — Frederick Sykes"

"Jeroen Krabbé — Dr. Charles Nichols"

"Daniel Roebuck — Deputy Marshal Robert Biggs"

"L. Scott Caldwell — Deputy Marshal Poole"

"Tom Wood — Deputy Marshal Noah Newman"

"Ron Dean — Detective Kelly"

"Joseph F. Kosala — Detective Rosetti"

"Clear the bridge for me."

"We just rolled up a snowball and tossed it into hell. Now lets see what chance it has."

"We've got 19 hours and 58 minutes. I'll get Bellerophon into your system by then. Just stay alive. I'm not going to lose you!"

"[Response to Swanbeck's remark] If I let you know where I'm going, I won't be on holiday."

"I would've thought the hardest part was curbing that pressing need of yours to get your gun off. You were in such a hurry to knock off that 747 that you never figured out where Chimera really was. [Ambrose: I knew where it was!] Then you knew the only way that Nekhorvich could smuggle the live virus is by injecting himself and using his own bloodstream as a Petri dish. You knew that while you were knocking him off, destroying the very thing you came for."

"If you look at Hunt's operational history, and I have, he invariably favors misdirection over confrontation."

"In just a few hours you can be assured of going down in history as the Typhoid Mary of Oz. G'day."

"STOP! PUT A SOCK IN IT! Hit that bloody gun and you'll spread the virus all over the place!"

"This is what's known as getting your gun off!"

"You know women, mate. Like monkeys, they are. Won't let go of one branch until they've got a grip on the next!"

"You know, that was the hardest part about having to portray you…grinning like an idiot every fifteen minutes."

"You're sorry and I'm sorry."

"[holds up the anti-virus in front of the infected Nyah] Feel like pleading for your life?"

"STOP... MUMBLING!"

"[Ethan approaches him with a knife] Go ahead, Hunt. Use it. It's not a bad way to go. A lot better than the way that bitch is going to die."

"Run that bastard down."

"[On recording played through Ethan's sunglasses] Good morning, Mr. Hunt. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, involves the recovery of a stolen item designated Chimera. You may select any two team members, but it is essential that the third team member be Nyah Nordoff-Hall. She is a civilian, and a highly capable professional thief. You have forty-eight hours to recruit Miss Nordoff-Hall and meet me in Seville to receive your assignment. As always, should you or any member of your I.M. Force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow all knowledge of your actions. And Mr. Hunt, the next time you go on holiday, please be good enough to let us know where you're going."

"This is not mission difficult, Mr. Hunt, it's mission impossible. Difficult should be a walk in the park for you."

"Well, mate, maybe this is one of those times we shouldn't follow orders."

"Luther Stickell: The satellite doesn't work as fast as I do."

"Luther Stickell: [After getting shot at] Oh, I'm mad now!"

"Luther Stickell: [After getting shot at] That punk put a hole in my Versace!"

"Nyah Nordolf-Hall: [having injected herself with the virus] You're not gonna shoot me, Sean! Not this bitch. 'Cause she's worth thirty seven…million pounds!"

"Nyah Nordolf-Hall: I don't have a conscience. I'm a bloody thief."

"Dr. Nekhorvich: [first line, repeated line] Well, Dimitri, every search for a hero must begin with something every hero needs, a villain. Therefore, in a search for our hero, Bellerophon, we have created a monster: Chimera."

"Dr. Nekhorvich: Well, I've heard..."

"Tom Cruise – Ethan Hunt"

"Anthony Hopkins – Swanbeck"

"Ving Rhames – Luther Stickell"

"Dougray Scott – Sean Ambrose"

"Richard Roxburgh – Hugh Stamp"

"[to Thing] Good show, old man."

"Are you in unbearable pain? Is it inhuman? My darling, is it torture?"

"[rushing from the hospital room, bursting] It's an Addams!"

"[about Pubert] He has my father's eyes."

"Children, why do you hate the baby?"

"[to Fester] I despised you!"

"[to Morticia] Cara mia."

"[repeated line] Uh-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-uh!"

"Anjelica Houston - Morticia Addams"

"Raul Julia - Gomez Addams"

"Christopher Lloyd - Uncle Fester Addams"

"Joan Cusack - Debbie Jellinsky"

"Christina Ricci - Wednesday Addams"

"Carol Kane - Grandmama"

"Jimmy Workman - Pugsley Addams"

"Colin Farrell - Det. James "Sonny" Crockett"

"Jamie Foxx - Det. Ricardo Tubbs"

"Naomie Harris - Det. Trudy Joplin"

"Elizabeth Rodriguez - Det. Gina Calabrese"

"Domenick Lombardozzi - Det. Stan Switek"

"Justin Theroux - Det. Larry Zito"

"Barry Shabaka Henley - Lt. Martin Castillo"

"Gong Li - Isabella Montoya"

"Luis Tosar - Arcangel de Jesus Montoya"

"John Ortiz - Jose Yero"

"Ciarán Hinds - FBI Agent John Fujima"

"Isaach De Bankolé - Neptune"

"John Hawkes - Alonzo Stevens"

"Tom Towles - Coleman"

"Eddie Marsan - Nicholas"

"What's Washington like? Well its like Calcutta, surrounded by beggars. The only difference is the beggars in Washington wear 1500 dollar suits and they don't say please or thank you."

"If there is a war on drugs, then many of our family members are the enemy. And I don't know how you wage war on your own family."

"My name is Robert. And my wife, Barbara and I are here to support our daughter Caroline. And we're here to listen."

"Hi, I'm Caroline, and I'm not sure if I'm an alcoholic. I mean, I don't really like to drink. For someone my age it's a lot easier to get drugs than it is to get alcohol. I guess I'm angry. I mean, I think I'm really angry about a lot of stuff. I'm just not sure what."

"I'm on the board of my son's school, I have fundraisers for adult literacy at my own home. I think I have a right to know if my husband is a legitimate business man."

"Not in the doll. The doll is cocaine."

"This may be your last chance to do this. Now get out of the car and shoot him in the head! Just shoot him!"

"You like baseball? We need lights for the parks, so kids can play at night. So they can be safe. So they can play baseball. So they don't become burros para los malones. Everyone likes baseball. Everyone likes parks."

"You worry about getting me what I want. I worry about myself."

"I feel like a traitor."

"They say in Latin, "In vino veritas". Wine tells the truth. Use this to write down the addresses of those bastards who killed my captains. And not where they were last week but where they are *now*, where they are this minute, and better yet, where they are going to be tomorrow. You know where they are going to be tomorrow, right?"

"When he loves me like a father, he will never tell anyone he was here. He will freely give us the name of his superiors. Then, when we get to them, they too will give us the names of their superiors. And eventually somebody will get us to Juan Obregón, and when that happens, the Tijuana Cartel will fall."

"Treatment of addiction? Addicts treat themselves. They overdose and then there's one less to worry about."

"In Mexico, law enforcement is an entrepreneurial activity."

"It sounds like they're conspiring to conspire. You know, I can feel the lies vibrating from that house."

"I have actually dreamed about this, about busting the top people, the rich people, WHITE people!"

"Why are hurricanes named after women? Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house and your car."

"Michael Douglas as Robert Wakefield"

"Catherine Zeta-Jones as Helena Ayala"

"Benicio del Toro as Javier Rodriguez"

"Amy Irving as Barbara Wakefield"

"Dennis Quaid as Arnie Metzger"

"Don Cheadle as Montel Gordon"

"Albert Finney as White House Chief of Staff"

"[to Luther] In Germany, you asked me what it is I see in Julia. What I see in Julia is life before all this. And it's good."

"[before jumping down from the wall of Vatican City] Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall."

"I've got a charge in my head, I'm going to die unless you kill me."

"[about to get electrocuted] Throw the switch on and off. [slight pause] Don't forget the off."

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. "Those who can't do, teach" back in the field. Hey, Ethan -- don't worry. We're gonna get the girl. Or have you been away for so long you've forgotten how good we are?"

"The look in your eye is a pain in my ass, you know that right?"

"Wait, wait, Ethan, I'm not saying I have a better idea, but there's a point where bold becomes stupid."

"(after Ethan successfully landed on the building) He made it...he made it! [quietly] I knew he'd make it."

"I know we've joked about it, but I'm always this close on begging you to stop training our people and get your ass back in the field."

"(In video) This message, let's call it my excellent engagement gift to you, will self-destruct in five seconds."

"It's complicated."

"(first lines) We put an explosive charge in your head. Does that sound familiar?"

"Oh no, it's fine. I always spill red wine on my white custom-made shirt."

"You don't have any idea what the hell's going on, do you? I mean, you saw what I did to your little blonde friend at the factory, right? Well... Well, that was nothing. That was... fun. That was fun."

"What I'm selling... and who I'm selling it to... is the last thing you should be concerned about... Ethan."

"[to Ethan, on phone] You hung me outside of an airplane. You can always tell someone's character by the way they treat those they don't need to treat well."

"You only had five seconds left, do you realize that?"

"Didn't I tell you she'd call out your name? And I told you I was gonna kill you in front of her? Well, I'm gonna kill her in front of you."

"Julia Mead: That's how it is with Rick! He's fine, he's fine and suddenly he's naked and hugging everyone."

"Lindsey Farris (dying line) Ethan! Thank you... I-"

"Julia Mead: Tell me it's real. I mean us. Tell me it's real."

"Declan Gormley: [Response to Luther] Please, when do I not copy? All I do is copy."

"Zhen: [Mocking Declan] All I do is copy."

"Brassel: Now I am... not a stranger to disrespect; you don't get to where I am without developing a thick skin. But what I won't stand for -- what I will lose my sleep over, and I love my sleep -- is the idea of an irresponsible, rogue agent working in my office. So... I'm going to slow things way down here. You can look at me with those judgemental, incriminating eyes all you want, but I bullshit you not, I will bleed on the flag to make sure the stripes stay red."

"Benji Dunn: [panicked] I just looked it up. Okay, you're on Interpol's most wanted list. And that, by the way, is a spectacular list to be on."

"Benji Dunn: [talking while working on computer] Maybe we can share, uh, a jail cell together, you know? If this goes tits-up, which it will. The location of that number is Shanghai. There, I just told you. Shanghai. I've just aided and abetted an enemy of the state. Fantastic. Thank you."

"The Mission Begins 05:05:06."

"Tom Cruise – Ethan Hunt"

"Philip Seymour Hoffman – Owen Davian"

"Ving Rhames – Luther Stickell"

"Billy Crudup – John Musgrave"

"Michelle Monaghan – Julia "Jules" Mead"

"Jonathan Rhys-Meyers – Declan Gormley"

"Keri Russell – Lindsey Farris"

"Maggie Q – Zhen Lei"

"Simon Pegg – Benji Dunn"

"Laurence Fishburne – Theodore Brassel"

"Year after year, twenty-something women come to New York in search of the two "L"s: Labels & Love."

"Twenty years ago, I was one of them. Having got the knack for labels early...I concentrated on my search for Love."

"After years of living in the city I assumed that if my friends and I ever got our fairytale endings, that would be the end of the story. But real life always has a twist."

"Year after year, my single girlfriends were my salvation."

"Some labels are best left in the closet."

""Charlotte Poughkeepsied in her pants."

""When Big colors... he rarely stays inside the lines."

"I let the wedding get bigger than Big!"

""Let's go down to the hotel for dinner tonight, I need to get myself out of my Mexi-coma."

"Sweetie, you shit your pants this year. Maybe you're done."

"You brought me back to life."

"It wasn't logic, it was love."

"Ever mine. Ever Thine. Ever Ours."

"I put a bird on my head."

"We were perfectly happy before we decided to live happily ever after."

"And just like that, Vivienne Westwood kicked my sweet little suit's ass."

"Honey, you know me, I don't really believe in marriage; now Botox on the other hand, that works every time."

"I can't color enough, I would color all day every day If I had my way, I would use every crayon in my box."

"Just calling to make sure you aren't hanging from your shower rod."

"Oh honey, you made a little joke! Good for you."

"Hey dick-wad, I'm speaking."

"So here's to the groom, who finally got Carried away."

"Don't blame marriage, this one's married and she's not growing a national forest. Any thicker and you won't be able to find it."

"I feel the same way as you feel about Botox. Painful and unnecessary."

"This is my second most favorite thing I've found in there."

"Is a relationship saying his name fifty times more a day than my own?"

"You see? This is how it starts. Next thing you know, we're only having sex three or four times a week."

"I could be put on death row and not have that situation."

"And the rest don't know how to screw you, trust me I've done the leg work""

"[To Mr. Big] I curse the day you were born!"

"I always knew she'd marry Big."

"Nobody gets everything they want! Look at you, look at Miranda. You're good people and you two both got shafted. I'm so happy and... something bad is going to happen."

"Charlotte has pudding in her Prada."

"The only two choices for women; witch and sexy kitten."

"You two are crazy to get married. Marriage ruins everything."

"My marriage is going through a rough spot. I don't have time to wax!"

"Mommy's home."

"Roooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Sarah Jessica Parker – Carrie Bradshaw"

"Kim Cattrall – Samantha Jones"

"Kristin Davis – Charlotte York"

"Cynthia Nixon – Miranda Hobbes"

"Chris Noth – Mr. Big"

"Jennifer Hudson – Louise"

"David Eigenberg – Steve Brady"

"Evan Handler – Harry Goldenblatt"

"Jason Lewis – Jerry "Smith" Jerrod"

"Well, that was a sucker punch to the gonads."

"Missed it by THAT much."

"Shtarker: [After Siegfried gets thrown out of the car and over a bridge] What good hang time, huh?"

"The Chief: [Having punched out a belittling secret service agent] Speak up son. I'm an old man, you know."

"Steve Carell - Maxwell Smart / Agent 86"

"Anne Hathaway - Agent 99"

"Dwayne Johnson - Agent 23"

"Alan Arkin - The Chief"

"Terence Stamp - Siegfield"

"Terry Crews - Agent 91"

"David Koechner - Larabee"

"James Caan - The President of the United States"

"Masi Oka - Bruce"

"Ken Davitian - Shtarker"

"David S. Lee - Ladislas Krstic"

"Dalip Singh - Dalip"

"Geoff Pierson - Vice President"

"Lindsay Hollister - Max's dance partner"

"Bill Murray - Agent 13"

"Patrick Warburton - Hymie"

"Kevin Nealon - CIA Agent"

"Blake Clark - General"

"Kelly Karbacz - Judy"

"Bill Romanowski - Air Marshall"

"John Farley - Agent 50"

"Bonnie Hellman - Karen"

"Jonathan Loughran - Orange Team Guy"

"Cedric Yarbrough - Tate"

"Tim DeKay - Secret Service Agent"

"Todd Sherry - KAOS Office Worker"

"Stephen Dunham - Secret Service Commander"

"William Charlton - German Spy (uncredited)"

"Doby Daenger - Airplane Passenger (uncredited)"

"Joshua Harrison - Agent 74 (uncredited)"

"Vinicius Machado - Valet (uncredited)"

"Chris Reid - Musician (uncredited)"

"Julian Scott Urena - Drug Lord (uncredited)"

"Ryan Seacrest - Host (Host of American Top 40)"

"Bernie Kopell - Opel driver"

"Leonard Stern - Cessna pilot"

"Goodbye, house! Goodbye, mailbox! [backs up and damages his fence] Goodbye, pile of broken wood!"

"Behold the legendary Bigfoot!"

"Day one. Well, here we are, out on the open road, retracing the steps of my boy hood. And here's Maxie! A-hyuck! Say hi, Max!"

"I can't believe I did that! She finally says "hi" to me, and what do I do?! I choke! "A-hyuck!" Like a big spaz!"

"[Goofy: Look, Max!] Uh, D-D-D-Dad, it's BIGFOOT! [Goofy: Could you back up a bit, Mr. Foot? You're out of focus.]"

"Bobby: [shows Max his "cheesy" model of the Leaning Tower of Pisa] Max, look! It's the Leaning Tower of Cheeza!"

"Pete: What's the idea?! [sees Max and Goofy being chased by Bigfoot alarmed] BIGFOOT!"

"Bill Farmer - Goofy"

"Jason Marsden - Max Goof"

"Rob Paulsen - P.J. Pete"

"Jim Cummings - Pete"

"Kellie Martin - Roxanne"

"Pauly Shore - Bobby Zimmeruski"

"Wallace Shawn - Principal Mazur"

"Tevin Campbell - Powerline"

"Pat Buttram - Possum Park Emcee"

"Frank Welker - Bigfoot"

"OK, Michael. Regular or extra crispy?"

"You play any tricks, I gotta shoot you!"

"These things are so cool. They can shoot underwater, pour sand in them and they'll shoot. They shoot every time."

"Remember, Sheridan could be anywhere people, stay alive."

"Welcome home, Mark. You want to start running again?"

"You are really, on my very...last...nerve... You are a mind-boggling pain in my ass."

"I guess you'll just have to slap the cuffs on me, and take me in..."

"Cosmo Renfro: 27 stitches my ass."

"Tommy Lee Jones - Deputy Marshal Samuel Gerard"

"Wesley Snipes - Mark Sheridan/Warren/Roberts"

"Robert Downey, Jr. - Special Agent John Royce"

"Joe Pantoliano - Deputy Marshal Cosmo Renfro"

"Daniel Roebuck - Deputy Marshal Bobby Biggs"

"Tom Wood - Deputy Marshal Noah Newman"

"LaTanya Richardson - Deputy Marshal Savannah Cooper"

"Acting Captain's Log, Stardate 2258.42. We have had no word from Captain Pike. I've therefore classified him a hostage of the war criminal known as Nero. Nero, who has destroyed my home planet and most of its six billion inhabitants. While the essence of our culture has been saved in the elders who now reside upon this ship, I estimate no more than 10,000 have survived. I am now a member of an endangered species."

"[final lines] Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Her ongoing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life-forms and new civilizations; to boldly go where no one has gone... before."

"James T. Kirk was considered to be a great man. He went on to captain the USS Enterprise... but that was another life. A life I will deprive you of, just like I did your father!"

"Your father was captain of a starship for 12 minutes. He saved 800 lives, including your mother's. And yours. I dare you to do better. [parting words to James Kirk, the night before he decides to enlist in Starfleet]"

"The Future Begins."

"Prepare For The Beginning."

"This is not your father's Star Trek."

"You know the funny thing about morphin'? You don't appreciate it till you can't do it anymore!"

"What is that odious stench? Smells like teenagers."

"Oh, I love snow globes!"

"Hi, honey! I'm home!"

"What do I care about some stupid egg? Well, I say we hard-boil that thing!"

"What?! You spent 2,000 years looking for a tub of snot?!"

"He's so handsome!"

"Finally, a real man!"

"I can't believe it! How could he let them slip through his hands? He's no better than the rest of the hired help around here!"

"I thought you said this guy was the master of disaster! He's nothing but a slime-infested jelly donut!"

"Way to go, bonehead! It's getting so you can't trust anyone in this galaxy!"

"Karan Ashley - Aisha Campbell: The Yellow Ranger"

"Johnny Yong Bosch - Adam Park: The Black Ranger"

"Steve Cardenas - Rocky DeSantos: The Red Ranger"

"Jason David Frank - Tommy Oliver: The White Ranger"

"Amy Jo Johnson - Kimberly Hart: The Pink Ranger"

"David Yost - Billy Cranston: The Blue Ranger"

"Paul Freeman - Ivan Ooze"

"Julia Cortez - Rita Repulsa"

"Barbara Goodson - Rita Repulsa (voice)"

"Captain Kirk's nipples!"

"How dare you?! How dare you?!"

"Because if you don't make it, it's your own damn vault. That's a bitch-slap of truth right there."

"Hot coffee!"

"Come on, Chaka. Let's work on our mission statement."

"It's the perfect woman. Big old set of boobies, no head and a handle."

"[Opening narration] WARNING: The stunts in this movie were performed by professionals, so for your safety and the protection of those around you, do not attempt any of the stunts you're about to see."

"[Opening line] Hi, I’m Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!"

"Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and we're about to test my rocket skates."

"Did you see the way I stopped the beanbag with my stomach? That's instinct. You can't teach that."

"[After being beat up by Butterbean] Is Butterbean OK?"

"I think I'm a little concussed."

"[Laughing at Dave England who has soiled himself] Oh shit, I'm taking a cab back to the hotel!"

"[Giving off camera direction to Jason "Wee-Man" Acuna] Kick yourself in the head, wee man."

"Do you have a pocket ass?"

"[After returning the smashed up car] But I returned it with a full tank of gas."

"[Referring to firework going off] That almost hit Loomis in the face!"

"There's no such thing as failure, Steve-O!... One thing I know, is good tightrope walking!"

"You little bastard!"

"I fell and busted my ass, that's what's fuckin' wrong!"

"[To Steve-O] Go grab the dead kitty! [Later, in disbelief after Steve O exits the septic river] You're not going to save the kitty?"

"That was my flesh!"

"[To "Jewelery Burglary" skit bystander] I was barely halfway through the ceiling and you were already out the door!"

"This is the Muscle Simulator."

"I have bad news written all over me."

"I'm here with Eric Koston and Clyde Singleton and today I'm gonna 50-50 this rail and... or try to."

"Whose dick do I gotta suck to get some explosions around here?"

"[After waking Phil up with fire works] Hey Phil, you know you have to get up at 5 in the morning tonight."

"[From extended footage, on phone] How much does Rake hate mustard? [To cameraman] This is Rake's mom and she says I wouldn't be able to have children in my future."

"This is Sweaty Fat Fucks. [Tony Hawk and Mat Hoffman hit Bam in the testicles]"

"[Referring to father Phil's obesity] Look at Phil's tummy."

"[About the upset customer in the store] He was so bummed! He went there to buy QTips and he just got bummed because there was a fight going on!"

"[After getting a surprise haircut] Eh! What the fuck!"

"[Referring to proceed with a boxing match with Naoko Kumagai, a female Japanese kickboxer] I'm about to get the shit kicked out of me by a girl."

"Knoxville knocked my nuts in half!"

"Ryan Dunn: I could sure go for a Miller High Life..."

"I'm not too excited about this skit, it's not my favorite I've ever done, because there's a toy car in my butt. But this is the "Butt X-Ray"."

"[After many failed intro attempts, sigh] Goddamn, this is the BMX tug-of-war."

"Oh fuck, I feel like I have to shit my ass!"

"[Acting like an old man on a scooter] You're nice, you’re a kind man. Would you like to come over for dinner?"

"So we're finding it a little bit chilly in Japan, so we're going to warm ourselves up with some fireworks. [Proceeds to ride roller skates with rockets attached in Tokyo alley ways]"

"[Preparing to pole-vault into a septic river] Yeah, I've fucking been there before, dudes. It sucks."

"[After firing rockets out of anus] Like, an ember fell right on my cornhole, dude!"

"[Referring to getting a full tattoo on back of himself giving both thumbs up] Yeah dude!"

"I am so glad I turned this idea down."

"Dude they're telling me the parasites in there can fucking crawl through your anything like even my dick hole, I'm like so I wanted to put like a rubber on, but no one has a rubber. Dude fucking after all that pussy and my dick goes down because of this shit"

"[While preparing the wasabi to snort it] Chopsticks are so stupid!"

"That's Danger Ehren, a.k.a. "Who?" and that's Dave England, a.k.a. "Why?""

"I guess I don't have any last words. I'm just going to kill myself once I lose my weiner."

"[To Tokyo fortune telling senior man] Wait a minute. I already know my fortune, it's partying! [Rips off tracksuit and starts dancing causing the fortune teller to run out of the booth]"

"[After being swatted by a wild puma cat while wearing a foam rubber mouse costume] I don't like him. He's mean."

"Hi, I'm Bunny the Lifeguard, any of these alligators try to ruin our swimming, I'm gonna wrestle them down, and probably have my way with them."

"[Playing with a string attached to his penis] Hi. I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass."

"[Puts the "Muscle Stimulator" on crotch] Right, let's zap my nuts."

"I'm Raab Himself and I'm a complete fucking idiot."

"I'm Weeman and this is a big cone."

"[Referring to bungee wedgie] This is like worse than a hanging."

"[Acting like an old man on a scooter] You're a nice man. Would you like to come over for dinner?"

"Now you're getting crazy with this shit. Ape! He's starting to lose it! Jesus Christ! Ape! I need toilet paper!"

"Hit me once at least. [Johnny Knoxville lightly face punches Butterbean] There ya go. [Butterbean full-on face punches Knoxville unconscious]"

"[About to receive a tattoo with both wrists taped in an off-road buggy] My name is Henry Rollins and this is Off-Road Tattoo!"

"This is designed to fuck you up!"

"Christian, motherfucker!"

"I can't believe he got that far!"

"Johnny Knoxville as Self/Irving Zisman"

"Brandon "Bam" Margera as Self"

"Stephen "Steve-O" Glover as Self"

"Chris Pontius as Self"

"Ryan Dunn as Self"

"Jason "Wee Man" Acuña as Self"

"Preston Lacy as Self"

"Dave England as Self"

"Ehren McGhehey as Self"

"Brandon DiCamillo as Self"

"April Margera as Self"

"Phil Margera as Self"

"Jess Margera as Self"

"Chris "Raab Himself" Raab as Self"

"Edward "Rake Yohn" Webb as Self"

"With stuff you'd never see on TV"

"The following stunts were performed by professionals, so neither you nor your dumb buddies should attempt anything from this movie."

"I don't care what undercover rock you crawled out from, there's a dress code for detectives in Robbery-Homicide. Section 3-605. 10. 20. 22. 24. 26. 50. 70. 80. It specifies: clean shirt, short hair, tie, pressed trousers, sports jacket or suit, and leather shoes, preferably with a high shine on them."

"[First Lines; narrating] This is the city, Los Angeles, California, interfacing humanity, representing every race, color, creed, and persuasion, that God, no matter how he is worshipped, chose, in His infinite wisdom, to deposit here, in the cultural nexus of the Pacific Rim. Almost 4 million people work and play here, and like any other place anywhere, there are those who have it and those who want it. Those who have it, enjoy it, no matter how they got it. Those who want it, can get it by attempting to better themselves in a sympathetic community populated by decent citizens cheering them on. Or else, they can try to take it the easy way. Because even in the City of Angels, from time to time, some halos slip. That's where I come in, doing my job to the best of my ability on a daily basis. I'm Joe Friday. I work here. I carry a badge."

"And if I may a toast... to Granny Mundy: may you live as long as you want but never want as long as you live."

"[as Joe arrives] Thank God it's Friday!"

"Your attention, please. The story you are about to see is true; the names have been changed to protect the innocent. For example: George Baker is now called "Sylvia Wiss.""

"Dan Aykroyd as Sgt. Joe Friday"

"Tom Hanks as Det. Pep Streebek"

"Christopher Plummer as Reverend Jonathan Whirley"

"Harry Morgan as Captain Bill Gannon"

"Alexandra Paul as Connie Swail"

"Jack O'Halloran as Emil Muzz"

"Elizabeth Ashley as Commissioner Jane Kirkpatrick"

"Dabney Coleman as Jerry Caesar"

"Kathleen Freeman as Enid Bordne"

"Bruce Gray as Mayor Peter Parvin"

"Lenka Peterson as Granny Mundy"

"Juliana Donald as the Zookeeper"

"Nina Arvesen as Lady Motor Cop"

"Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Bradshaw"

"Kim Cattrall - Samantha Jones"

"Kristin Davis - Charlotte York Goldenblatt"

"Cynthia Nixon - Miranda Hobbes"

"Chris Noth - John James Preston / Mr. Big"

"John Corbett - Aidan Shaw"

"David Eigenberg - Steve Brady"

"Evan Handler - Harry Goldenblatt"

"Jason Lewis - Jerry "Smith" Jerrod"

"Willie Garson - Stanford Blatch"

"Mario Cantone - Anthony Marentino"

"Lynn Cohen - Magda"

"Alice Eve - Erin (Charlotte's Irish nanny)"

"Noah Mills - Nicky Marentino"

"Megan Boone - Allie"

"Max Ryan - Dr. Rikard Spirt"

"Raza Jaffrey - Gaurau"

"Viola Harris - Gloria Blatch"

"Omid Djalili - Mr. Safir, Hotel Manager"

"Dhaffer L'Abidine - Mahmud"

"Art Malik - Sheikh Khaled"

"Penélope Cruz - Carmen García Carrión"

"Liza Minnelli - herself"

"Miley Cyrus - herself"

"Tuesday Knight - herself"

"Tim Gunn - himself"

"[dressed as Santa Claus] Santa did have a few drinks last night, so this ain't going to feel too good."

"[seeing a bull stomping its feet] Oh, I hate it when they do that."

"Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass!"

"[Steve-O just puked after biting an apple that was in Preston's buttocks] You don't like apple and peanut butter?"

"[after Wee-Man is hit in the groin by a random apple thrown at him by Jeff Tremaine] See, I told you it's not that hard to get into film!"

"[As Bam pees in front of a jet engine blowing in his face] That's the story of Jackass, right there. Just pissing in the wind!"

"[Dressed as a mild-mannered, senior-citizen, with professional face make-up, accompanied by an elderly lady, and a willing, attractive, younger looking adult female in support] Hello, I'm Irving Zistman, this is my wife, and grandaughter, and today, I'm a really bad grandpa!"

"[After he runs through an obstacle course full of tasers and cattle prods] I change my mind. Stun guns are now the number one most thing that I hate now. Bulls are second, snakes are third. That sucked!"

"Get in the Lambo, shitbird!"

"[After Chris Pontius complains about being stung in the face by a scorpion] What did you think was going to happen?"

"[WAfter getting his tooth pulled out by a Lamborghini] Oh, I wish I could say that didn't suck!"

"[after Johnny Knoxville wrecks the lattice with the jet-ski] Shit! Dude, I know we shouldn't have done this at my fucking dad's house. He's already mad I'm fucking skipping school, he's gonna cut me off! That's coming out of my allowance."

"This is the kind of extreme shit most extreme dudes don't even think about."

"That had everything. It had shit, it had danger, it had puke. That's what this show's all about...and sex appeal."

"See, Dave doesn't understand: the more you freak out, the more you get stung. Idiot."

"[About to get hit between the legs, in a strained voice] I'm Steve-O, and [freezes up] Oh, fuck! Why do I have to be Steve-O?!"

"Hi, I'm Preston Lacy. And this is the Apple of my Ass."

"Johnny Knoxville as self"

"Bam Margera as self"

"Steve-O as self"

"Ryan Dunn as self"

"Chris Pontius as self"

"Ehren McGhehey as self"

"Preston Lacy as self"

"Dave England as self"

"Jason "Wee Man" Acuña as self"

"Brandon Novak as self"

"The Dudesons as self"

"Manny Puig as self"

"Loomis Fall as self"

"April Margera as self"

"Phil Margera as self"

"Jared Allen as self"

"Josh Brown as self"

"Mat Hoffman as self"

"Tony Hawk as self"

"Eric Koston as self"

"Sean William Scott as self"

"Rake Yohn as self"

"Mike Judge (as Beavis and Butt-head)"

"Will Oldham as self"

"Rip Taylor as self"

"Jeff Tremaine as self"

"Spike Jonze as self"

"Rick Kosick as self"

"Lance Bangs as self"

"Dimitry Elyashkevich as self"

"Oh no, Mom. Oh no, Mom. Oh no-no-no-no-no, Mom."

"June, you're vacuuming in pearls. You know what that does to me!"

"Yo, I'm Gilbert. This summer, my parents shipped me off to camp. I caught impetigo. And when I got back, my dad had moved out. Only since then he moved back, but he's still sleeping in my room and I'm sleeping on the couch."

"The Beav is back."

"Christopher McDonald - Ward Cleaver"

"Janine Turner - June Cleaver"

"Cameron Finley - Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver"

"Erik von Detten - Wallace "Wally" Cleaver"

"Adam Zolotin - Eddie Haskell"

"Erika Christensen - Karen"

"Alan Rachins - Fred Rutherford"

"E.J. de la Peña - Larry Mondello"

"Justin Restivo - Lumpy"

"Geoff Pierson - Coach Gordon"

"Louis Martin Braga - Gilbert Bates"

"Barbara Billingsley - Aunt Martha"

"Ken Osmond - Eddie Haskell, Sr."

"Frank Bank - Frank"

"Your Honour, these men were acting under my command. Any judgment should be levied on me and me alone."

"[repeated line] I love it when a plan comes together."

"[to attendant after barely escaping cremation] So, Satan walks into this bar... [The attendent faints]"

"Give me a minute, I'm good. Give me an hour, I'm great. Give me six months, I'm unbeatable."

"This is a hell of a beautiful place. Is this a timeshare, I'd like to get into... [gets punched in the face by a soldier] Good morning!"

"[to General Tuco] Alpha, Mike, Foxtrot! Think about it. Adios... Mother... F...! [Hannibal and B.A. arrive in B.A.'s van]"

"[as Tuco flies in U.S. airspace] Alpha, Mike, Foxtrot! In other words, Adios... Mother... F...! [Tuco is shot down]"

"[shoots twice on the airport and points out at one of Lynch's men] Oh, mein Gott! Er hat eine Waffe! Er hat eine Waffe! EINE WAFFE!! (Oh, my god! He's got a gun! He's got a gun! A gun!) Sucker!"

"Hey Bosco it's a little stuffy, I'm gonna pop the window! [opens tank hatch and fires the machine gun at the attacking drones] YEAAHHH! WHAT YOU GOT BITCHES!? WHAT YOU GOT!?"

"[After 2 of the 3 parachutes connected to the tank are cut off by one of the drone's wreckage] Hannibal, we're in trouble!"

"[from trailer] I'm B.A., and you're gonna be unconscious."

"[In the tank] I'm too young to die!"

"The only reason I don't kick your asses is cos y'all outrank me!"

"[After being tricked into flying] What you don't realise is now I gotta kill all of y'all! I'll kill all of y'all! Hannibal first, then Murdock! I'm gonna save Face for last!"

"[singing as he spins on a helicopter blade] You spin me right round baby, right round! Rotors are good, sir!"

"Hang on, everybody - I wanna try something I saw in a cartoon once!"

"[in fake English accent, after turning off chopper engine] That's how we deal with heat seekers, chaps! We go cold."

"[after B.A almost fell out of the chopper] Close the door! I know you're airborne rangers, but that was ridiculous!"

"[While Face is firing at the drones with the tank's machine gun] Let me have a turn, Face, c'mon!"

"[in the tank as it's falling] It's been an honor, gentlemen! The greatest ride is the last ride, Colonel!"

"[To an old lady as their tank comes out of the lake] Which way to Berlin?"

"[about Face's team] I would never tell him this, but they are the best clandestine unit in the four branches, and they specialize in the ridiculous."

"Liam Neeson - Col. John "Hannibal" Smith"

"Bradley Cooper - Lt. Templeton "Face" Peck"

"Quinton "Rampage" Jackson - Sgt. Bosco Albert "B.A." (Bad Attitude) Baracus"

"Sharlto Copley - Captain H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock"

"Jessica Biel - Charissa Sosa"

"Patrick Wilson - Agent Vance Burress a.k.a. Agent Lynch"

"Brian Bloom - Brock Pike"

"Gerald McRaney - General Russell Morrison"

"Jon Hamm - Lynch"

"Terry Chen - Ravech"

"C. Ernst Harth - Crematorium Attendant"

"Corey Burton - Narrator"

"Anita Brown - Attractive Prison Guard"

"Upscale neighborhood, Down-home heart."

"The day they moved in... Beverly Hills moved out."

"Jim Varney - Jedidiah D. "Jed" Clampett"

"Diedrich Bader - Jethro Bodine/Jethrine Bodine"

"Erika Eleniak - Elly May Clampett"

"Cloris Leachman - Daisy May "Granny" Moses"

"Dabney Coleman - Mr. Milburn Drysdale"

"Lily Tomlin - Miss Jane Hathaway"

"Lea Thompson - Laura Jackson "Laurette Voleur""

"Rob Schneider - Woodrow Tyler"

"Penny Fuller - Margaret Drysdale"

"Kevin Connolly - Morgan Drysdale"

"Linda Carlson - Aunt Pearl Bodine"

"Buddy Ebsen - Barnaby Jones (final film role)"

"Leann Hunley - Miss Arlington"

"Robert Easton - Mayor Jasper"

"Dolly Parton - Herself"

"Zsa Zsa Gabor - Herself"

"Light the fuse."

"Mission accomplished!"

"I have arrived at the party!"

"[after getting out of a giant fan] That's it. Next time, I get to seduce the rich guy."

"How will the world finally end? It is my job to predict the unthinkable, to treat the deaths of billions as a game. After twenty years of this, I was numb, until a new question crossed my mind. What happens after the end of the world? Every two or three million years, some natural catastrophe devastates all life on Earth, but life goes on, and what little remains is made stronger. Put simply, world destruction is an unpleasant but necessary part of evolution. What happens then, I wondered, when mankind faces the next end of the world? I looked to Hiroshima, Nagasaki: thriving cities rebuilt from the ashes, monuments to the unimaginable, dedicated to the concept of peace. It occurred to me here that nuclear war might have a place in the natural order. But only if it could be controlled. Only if it touched every living soul equally."

"No Plan. No Backup. No Choice."

"Tom Cruise – Ethan Hunt"

"Simon Pegg – Benji Dunn"

"Jeremy Renner – William Brandt"

"Paula Patton – Jane Carter"

"Michael Nyqvist – Kurt Hendricks"

"Vladimir Mashkov – Anatoly Sidrov"

"Samuli Edelmann – Marius Wistrom"

"Ivan Shvedoff – Lenoid Lisenker"

"Anil Kapoor – Brij Nath"

"Léa Seydoux – Sabine Moreau"

"Josh Holloway – Trevor Hanaway"

"Pavel Kriz – Marek Stefanski"

"Miraj Grbic – Bogdan"

"Ilia Volok – The Fog"

"Tom Wilkinson – IMF Secretary"

"Ving Rhames – Luther Stickwell (cameo)"

"Michelle Monaghan – Julia Mead (cameo)"

"Mike Dopud – Kremlin subcellar hallway guard"

"Ivo Novák – Russian agent"

"Brian Caspe – British news anchor"

"April Stewart – Swedish translator"

"Nicola Anderson – Julia's friend"

"Be quiet, Mr. Hanley, or you'll really be quiet for a very long time. After all, we're all on the same side anyway---MY side."

"Sleeping flame, I summon thee / To your form return / Make the night as bright as day / And burn, baby, burn!"

"You cannot kill me because I am already dead."

"I am reminded of a line from Erich Segal's Love Story: "Love means never having to say you're sorry." However, it is with sincere regret that I must now kill all of you."

"Ah, music. Yes, I'm rather fond of the music of the day. "I am a picker, I am a grinner / I am a lover and I am a sinner / I play my music in the sun". If only Shakespeare had been as eloquent."

"Every Family Has Its Demons"

"Strange Is Relative"

"The legend bites back."

"Johnny Depp - Barnabas Collins,"

"Michelle Pfeiffer - Elizabeth Collins Stoddard"

"Helena Bonham Carter - Dr. Julia Hoffman"

"Eva Green - Angelique Bouchard"

"Jackie Earle Haley - Willie Loomis"

"Jonny Lee Miller - Roger Collins"

"Bella Heathcote - Victoria Winters"

"Chloë Grace Moretz - Carolyn Stoddard"

"Gulliver McGrath as David Collins,"

"Ray Shirley - Mrs. Johnson,"

"Christopher Lee - Silas Clarney"

"Alice Cooper - himself."

"Ivan Kaye - Joshua Collins"

"Susanna Cappellaro - Naomi Collins"

"William Hope - Sheriff Bill of Collinsport"

"Hannah Murray - Hippie Chick"

"Guy Flanagan - Bearded Hippie"

"Even Cops Dial 911."

"You're either S.W.A.T. or you're not."

"Samuel L. Jackson - Sgt Daniel "Hondo" Harrelson"

"Colin Farrell - Police Officer Third Grade Jim Street"

"Jeremy Renner - former Police Officer Third Grade Brian Gamble"

"Michelle Rodriguez - Police Officer Third Grade Christina "Chris" Sanchez."

"LL Cool J - Police Officer Third Grade Deacon "Deke" Kaye"

"Olivier Martinez - Alexander "Alex" Montel"

"Brian Van Holt - Police Officer Third Grade Michael Boxer"

"[On the phone] Listen, that M2 Bradley Fighting Vehicle is property of the United States Army; I want it back on the post by tonight! We have rules! Rules and regulations! [Turns to light a match on a sign that says "NO SMOKING", then lights a cigarette] I have your rental agreement right here. And if you blow anything up, it's coming out of your deposit! [Hangs up and sighs irritably] Teenagers. So irresponsible!"

"[talking to Major Thorn over alleged anomalies in Bilko's platoon] You know, for all the differences I've had with Bilko over the years, I have to admit- I've always kind of liked him. The way he kept up the men's morale; the way he'd pretend to cry, when I went on leave. The way- every year, on my birthday- he'd have the men mow my name on the main lawn, with a big heart around it."

"Steve Martin - MSgt. Ernest "Ernie" Bilko, USA"

"Phil Hartman — Major Colin Thorn, USA"

"Dan Aykroyd - Col. John T. Hall, USA"

"Glenne Headly - Rita Robbins"

"John Marshall Jones - Sgt. Henshaw"

"Pamela Adlon - Sgt. Raquel Barbella"

"Austin Pendleton - Maj. Ebersole"

"Chris Rock - 1st Lt. Oster"

"Cathy Silvers - 1st Lt. Monday"

"Steve Park - Capt. Moon"

"Debra Jo Rupp - Mrs. Hall"

"Richard Herd - Gen. Tennyson"

"Dan Ferro - Spc. Tony Morales"

"John Ortiz - Spc. Luis Clemente"

"Max Casella - Spc. Dino Paparelli"

"Daryl Mitchell - Pfc. Walter "Wally" T. Holbrook"

"Mitchell Whitfield as Pfc. Mickey Zimmerman"

"There will always be those who mean to do us harm. To stop them, we risk awakening the same evil within ourselves. Our first instinct is to seek revenge when those we love are taken from us. But that's not who we are... When Christopher Pike first gave me his ship, he had me recite the Captain's Oath. Words I didn't appreciate at the time. But now I see them as a call for us to remember who we once were and who we must be again. And those words: Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise. Her five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before."

"You…you should have LET ME SLEEP! [crushes Admiral Marcus' skull]"

"You think your world is safe? It is an illusion, a comforting lie told to protect you. Enjoy these final moments of peace, for I have returned, to have my vengeance."

"Chris Pine – Captain James Tiberius Kirk"

"Zachary Quinto – Commander Spock"

"Zoe Saldana – Lieutenant Nyota Uhura"

"Karl Urban – Lieutenant Commander Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy"

"Simon Pegg – Lieutenant Commander Montgomery "Scotty" Scott"

"John Cho – Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu"

"Benedict Cumberbatch – "John Harrison" / Khan Noonien Singh"

"Anton Yelchin – Ensign Pavel Chekov"

"Bruce Greenwood – Rear Admiral Christopher Pike"

"Peter Weller – Admiral Alexander Marcus"

"Alice Eve – Dr. Carol Marcus"

"Noel Clarke – Thomas Harewood"

"Nazneen Contractor – Rima Harewood"

"Leonard Nimoy – Spock Prime"

"[upon receiving an attendance medal] Thank you, Mrs. Helperman. This is just the thing to go with my Science medal, my Math medal, and my Sports medal. Not to mention my medal for self-esteem."

"What is it with this family and singing? I'm starting to feel a little VonTrapped."

"Time sure flies when you're changing species."

"I wanna be a boy."

"I had to come. I had to be with you. And I needed a ride to Florida for my own self-serving reasons, but why spoil a beautiful moment?"

"Hey, I'll do the clichéd Irish dialogue around here."

"[on a coffee rush] Boy, it's true what they say! What a beverage! Who'd believe that little brown bean from Brazil could pack such mellow, rich-roasting, good-to-the-last-drop flavor? By the way, were you aware that our 26th President, Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt who originally coined the phrase "Good to the last drop"? Little known fact but true."

"So this is what it's like to be human, huh? [He sits on the bed, and then lies back] Sittin' alone in a dump on your tailless butt, just twiddlin' your opposable thumbs. Top of the world, ma! [He sighs, then sobs, then curls up into a little ball on the bed] Top of the world."

"It's alive. IT'S ALIVE. That's a good start."

"Outside? But I'm an indoor cat. I'm afraid of the outside. [whimpers]"

"I ain't no fairy."

"Nathan Lane as Spot Helperman / Scott Leadready II / Scott Manly-Manning"

"Shaun Fleming as Leonard Amadeus Helperman"

"Debra Jo Rupp as Mary Lou Moira Angela Darling Helperman"

"Kelsey Grammer as Dr. Ivan Krank"

"David Ogden Stiers as Mr. Jolly"

"Jerry Stiller as Pretty Boy"

"Paul Reubens as Dennis"

"Megan Mullally as Adele"

"Wallace Shawn as Principal Crosby Strickler"

"Rob Paulsen as Ian Wazselewski"

"Estelle Harris as Mrs. Boogin"

"Jay Thomas as Barry Anger"

"Rosalyn Landor as The Blue Fairy"

"Genie Ann Francis as Marsha / Marcia"

"Anthony Geary as John / Juan"

"Mae Whitman as Leslie Dunkling"

"Lauren Tom as Younghee"

"Pamela S. Adlon as Trevor / Taylor / Tyler"

"Timothy Stack as Father"

"Emma Steinkellner as Little Girl"

"Ken Swofford as Officer White"

"Kevin M. Richardson as Conductor"

"David Maples as Beefeater"

"Miley Cyrus as Miley Stewart/Hannah Montana"

"Billy Ray Cyrus as Robby Ray Stewart"

"Emily Osment as Lilly Truscott"

"Jason Earles as Jackson Stewart"

"Mitchel Musso as Oliver Oken"

"Moisés Arias as Rico Suave"

"Lucas Till as Travis Brody"

"Vanessa L. Williams as Vita"

"Margo Martindale as Grandma Ruby"

"Peter Gunn as Oswald Granger"

"Melora Hardin as Lorelai"

"Barry Bostwick as Mr. Bradley"

"Beau Billingslea as the Mayor of Crowley Corners"

"Katrina Hagger Smith as the mayor's wife"

"Emily Grace Reaves as Cindy Lou"

"Jane Carr as Lucinda"

"Taylor Swift as herself"

"Rascal Flatts as themselves"

"Josh Childs as store manager"

"Steve Rushton as himself (Lilly's birthday band)"

"Bucky Covington as himself (Fundraiser band)"

"Tyra Banks (uncredited) as herself"

"You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into... the Twilight Zone."

"[Opening Narration for Segment 1] You're about to meet an angry man. Mr. William Connor, who carries on his shoulder a chip the size of the national debt. This is a sour man, a lonely man, who's tired of waiting for the breaks that come to others, but never to him. Mr. William Connor, whose own blind hatred is about to catapult him into the darkest corner of the Twilight Zone."

"[Opening Narration for Segment 2] It is sometimes said that where there is no hope, there is no life. Case in point: the residents of Sunnyvale Rest Home, where hope is just a memory. But hope just checked into Sunnyvale, disguised as an elderly optimist, who carries his magic in a shiny tin can."

"[Opening Narration for Segment 3] Portrait of a woman in transit. Helen Foley, age 27. Occupation: schoolteacher. Up until now, the pattern of her life has been one of unrelenting sameness, waiting for something different to happen. Helen Foley doesn't know it yet, but her waiting has just ended."

"[Opening Narration for Segment 4] What you're looking at could be the end of a particularly terrifying nightmare. It isn't. It's the beginning. Introducing Mr. John Valentine, air traveler. His destination: the Twilight Zone."

"There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space, and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone."

"Hey... you wanna see something really scary?"

"The day we stop playing is the day we start getting old."

"I found out - a long, long time ago - that I wanted to be my own true age...while keeping a young mind."

"(Seeing Conroy play "Kick the Can" solo, Bloom breaks the Fourth Wall) ...He'll get it."

"[dripping sarcasm, as he admonishes his friend for bullying Anthony] ...Oh, that was good. That was real good."

"[after transporting his sister Ethel into a cartoon world where she is eaten by a cartoon dragon] Th-th-th-that's all, Ethel!"

"Burgess Meredith - Narrator"

"Rod Serling - Narrator"

"Dan Aykroyd - Car Passenger"

"Albert Brooks - Car Driver"

"Vic Morrow - Bill Connor"

"Doug McGrath - Larry"

"Charles Hallahan - Ray"

"Scatman Crothers - Mr. Bloom"

"Bill Quinn - Leo Conroy"

"Martin Garner - Mr. Weinstein"

"Selma Diamond - Mrs. Weinstein"

"Helen Shaw - Mrs. Dempsey"

"Murray Matheson - Mr. Agee"

"Peter Brocco - Mr. Mute"

"Priscilla Pointer - Miss Cox"

"Kathleen Quinlan - Helen Foley"

"Jeremy Licht - Anthony"

"Kevin McCarthy - Uncle Walt"

"Patricia Barry - Mother"

"William Schallert - Father"

"Nancy Cartwright - Ethel"

"Dick Miller - Walter Paisley"

"Cherie Currie - Sara"

"Bill Mumy - Tim"

"John Lithgow - John Valentine"

"Abbe Lane - Sr. Stewardess"

"Donna Dixon - Jr. Stewardess"

"John Dennis Johnston - Co-Pilot"

"Larry Cedar - Gremlin"

"[giving speech about the painting] Well, hello, I'm Dr. Bean, apparently. And my job is to sit and look at paintings. So, what have I learned that I can say about this painting? Well, firstly, it's quite big, which is excellent. Because if it was really small, you know, microscopic, then hardly anyone would be able to see it, which would be a tremendous shame. Secondly... And I'm getting quite near the end of this analysis of this painting. Secondly... Why was it worth this man, here, spending 50 million of your American dollars on this portrait? And the answer is... Well, this picture is worth such a lot of money, because... it's a picture of Whistler's mother. And as I've learned, by staying with my best friend, David Langley, and his family, families are very important. And even though Mr. Whistler was perfectly aware that his mother was a hideous old bat, who looked like she had a cactus lodged up her backside, he stuck with her... and even took the time to paint this amazing picture of her. It's not just a painting. It's a picture of a mad old cow who he thought the world of, and that's marvelous. Well, that's what I think anyway."

"I've given my life to art and from here on in, the only art I will get anywhere near are the pictures I draw on the pavement hoping passersby will throw nickels in my hat. I guess the long on the short of it: I wish I'd never been born."

"[about Mr. Bean getting arrested twice] Tell him his is a butt I would dearly love to kick. And next time I will."

"I don't know the difference between Picasso and a car crash."

"In the city of dreams...a nightmare has been unleashed."

"Once in a generation, a motion picture comes along that touches both our hearts and our souls. This is not one of them."

"One Man. One Masterpiece. One Very Big Mistake."

"The Ultimate Disaster Movie"

"Everything You've Heard Is True"

"Be afraid, be very afraid, Mr. Bean has a passport."

"Rowan Atkinson - Mr. Bean"

"Peter MacNicol - David Langley"

"John Mills - Chairman"

"Pamela Reed - Alison Langley"

"Harris Yulin - George Grierson"

"Burt Reynolds - General Newton"

"Larry Drake - Elmer"

"Sandra Oh - Bernice Schimmel"

"Danny Goldring - Security Buck"

"Johnny Galecki - Stingo Wheelie"

"Chris Ellis - Detective Butler"

"Andrew Lawrence - Kevin Langley"

"Peter Egan - Lord Walton"

"Peter Capaldi - Gareth"

"June Brown - Delilah"

"Peter James - Doctor Rosenblum"

"Tricia Vessey - Jennifer Langley"

"Richard Gant - Lieutenant Brutus"

"William Peters - Crowd Member 1"

"Rocky La Belle - Crowd Member 2"

"Ellis Marcel - Crowd Member 3"

"There's no room for personal feelings in science, Judith!"

"Nobody ever wins a cold war."

"Beware of "THE CREEPING UNKNOWN!""

"It's coming for YOU from Space to wipe all living things from the face of the Earth! CAN IT BE STOPPED?"

"You Can't Escape It!"

"Nothing Can Destroy It!"

"All Earth Stands Helpless! Spawned in the depths of outer space—a monster so horrible, so vicious, so incredible—even when you see it you won't believe it could be!"

"It creeps, it crawls, it kills!"

"Brian Donlevy — Bernard Quatermass"

"Jack Warner — Inspector Lomax"

"Margia Dean — Mrs. Judith Carroon"

"Richard Wordsworth — Victor Carroon"

"David-King Wood — Dr. Gordon Briscoe"

"Maurice Kauffman — Marsh"

"Harold Lang — Christie"

"Lionel Jeffries — Mr. Blake"

"Thora Hird — Rosemary "Rosie" Elizabeth Wrigley"

"Jane Asher — The Little Girl"

"Sam Kydd — The Police Station Sergeant"

"Gordon Jackson — BBC TV Producer"

"Bartlett Mullins — Zookeeper"

"Captain's Log, Stardate 2263.2. Today is our 966th day in deep space—a little under three years into our five-year mission. The more time we spend out here, the harder it is to tell where one day ends and the next one begins. It can be a challenge to feel grounded when even gravity is artificial. But well, we do what we can to make it feel like home. The crew, as always, continues to act admirably despite the rigors of our extended stay here in outer space... and the personal sacrifices they have made. We continue to search for new life-forms in order to establish firm diplomatic ties. Our extended time in uncharted territory has stretched the ship's mechanical capacities, but fortunately, our engineering department, led by Mr. Scott, is more than up to the job. The ship aside, prolonged cohabitation has definitely had effects on the interpersonal dynamics. Some experiences for the better... and some for the worse. As for me, things have started to feel a little... episodic. The farther out we go, the more I find myself wondering what it is we are trying to accomplish. If the universe is truly endless, then are we not striving for something forever out of reach? The Enterprise is scheduled for re-provisioning stop at Yorktown, the Federation's newest, most advanced Starbase. Perhaps a break from routine will offer up some respite from the mysteries of the unknown."

"The Enterprise has something no other ship in the fleet has: you. And as we've come to understand, there is no such thing as the unknown. Only the temporarily hidden."

"Let's make some noise."

"Better to die saving lives than to live with taking them. That's what I was born into."

"The Federation has pushed the frontier for centuries. But no longer. This is where it begins, Lieutenant. This is where the frontier pushes back."

"You think you know what sacrifice really means? Federation has taught you that conflict should not exist. Ha. But without struggle, you would never know who you truly are."

"Captain's Log... I don't remember the stardate. All distress calls unanswered. Of the crew, only three remain. I WON'T ALLOW IT! The indigenous race abandoned this planet long ago. They left behind sophisticated mining equipment and a drone workforce. They have some sort of technology that prolongs life. I will do whatever it takes for me and my crew. The Federation do not care about us. You'll probably never see me again. But if you do... be ready."

"Gargamel is wrong about me. It is not my purpose to help him. I am meant to save those Smurfs."

"We are Smurfs. We do the right thing."

"I am not even a real Smurf. [gasps, realizes what she said and hatches a plan to save the Smurfs] I am not a real Smurf!"

"[searching for the Smurfs] Hefty?! BRAINY?! CLUMSY?!?! [noticing four Smurfs are gone] Oh, that is not even convincing. When I find those Smurfs, I will ground them for a month of blue moons!"

"[during Smurfette's funeral] She never thought she was a real Smurf. But she was the truest Smurf of all."

"[hugs Smurfette, laughs softly] You never cease to amaze me."

"[first lines, to Smurfette before she turned blue] Now go, and find Smurf Village."

"[repeated line] Freeze ball!"

"Wart of worm and hair of cat, show me the home of this Smurf hat."

"[catches Monty in his arms] Monty! What have they done to you, my glorious bird-of-prey? [angrily drops him] Smurfs!"

"Prepare for Garmageddon! [laughs evilly]"

"Check out my wizard mane! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! [Brainy Smurf: Really, man?] When I'm through with these Smurfs, I'll have all the power I've ever dreamed of!"

"[last lines of the film, during the credits] I was this close to getting rid of the Smurfs, and you ruined everything. I knew I should have gotten a dog from the shelter. [Azrael grumbles incoherently] I'm not saying this to be cruel, okay? I'm saying it to be constructive. You're a useless feline. [Azrael meows angrily] That's just mean. That's mean. There was a line, and you crossed it. [Azrael scoffs] I was just jib-jabbing, and you crossed the line and that stung. I demand an apology. [Azrael grumbles] You were going to learn this one way or another, but...I am not your real father. [Azrael meows sadly] But that does not matter now. What matters is destroying the Smurfs. Any thoughts? I mean, I have thoughts. But I always like to spitball off your thoughts. [Azrael meows incoherently] Azrael, I am not going to sugarcoat this. Your ideas are terrible. [Azrael yowls, Monty screeches] I can't think with this music! Can someone please shut off the music? [Azrael meows confusedly] And what's with all these words...scrolling in front of me? Did the Smurfs do this so that I would be distracted and not be able to destroy them as easily? [Azrael grumbles incoherently, Gargamel reluctantly reads the credits] "Matte painters"? I do not know what that means. Someone just made that up, right? Oh, I feel sorry for whoever "Matte" is. "Look development artists"? Oh yes, of course. Let is develop some looks. Like, maybe an angry look. Because you two totally ruined my plans! [Azrael meows frustratedly] Am I going mad, Azrael? For the last time, Get them to shut off this music!"

"I am really freaking OUT, YOU GUYS!!"

"I just ate all my rations!!!"

"Why are our feet so big?"

"Whatever you do, do not eat all your rations!"

"Why are our legs so short?"

"This machine was not built for a Smurf of your, well, origins."

"One small step, for four small Smurfs."

"[repeated line] Really, man?!"

"Papa. We won't find the answer to [saving Smurfette] in a book."

"We are Team Smurf, and we stick together."

"Why are my muscles so big?"

"That is what I call talking out of your butt!"

"It is like a workout for my eyeballs."

"I am Smurf Willow, leader of the Smurfs."

"They have an escape plan, but they are going to need our help. [Papa Smurf: It is time to rock the cage.] Do not be weird."

"Smurf Storm: Do not try any funny stuff, bug."

"Smurf Lily: I am Smurf Lily."

"Smurf Blossom: [deep voice] Look at me, I am a boy Smurf! [laughs]"

"Gargamel's Cauldron: Long have you searched for these creatures of blue, but this hat comes from somewhere new. [Gargamel: Yes, where? Where does it come from?] A village of Smurfs where enchantment grows, [Gargamel: Oh, an entire village. Good. Go on, go on.] the location of which... [Gargamel: Yes?] ...nobody knows. [Gargamel: NO! Just start with that. Start with "I don't know". Lousy cheap-o cauldron! [kicks it and hurts his foot in the process, Azrael laughs] But here is a clue. [shapes the thread into a shape of 3 tall trees]"

"Demi Lovato as Smurfette (Hero)"

"Rainn Wilson as Gargamel (Villain)"

"Mandy Patinkin as Papa Smurf"

"Joe Manganiello as Hefty Smurf"

"Jack McBrayer as Clumsy Smurf"

"Danny Pudi as Brainy Smurf"

"Julia Roberts as Smurf Willow"

"Michelle Rodriguez as Smurf Storm"

"Ellie Kemper as Smurf Blossom"

"Ariel Winter as Smurf Lily"

"Meghan Trainor as Smurf Melody"

"Melissa Sturm as Smurf Jade"

"Jake Johnson as Grouchy Smurf"

"Gordon Ramsay as Baker Smurf"

"Tituss Burgess as Vanity Smurf"

"Gabriel Iglesias as Jokey Smurf"

"Jeff Dunham as Farmer Smurf"

"Kelly Asbury as Nosey Smurf"

"America's Funniest Family in their FIRST FULL-LENGTH FEATURE"

"Herman races the world's fastest cars in his DRAG-ULA special!"

"Fred Gwynne — Herman"

"Yvonne De Carlo — Lily"

"Al Lewis — Grandpa"

"Butch Patrick — Eddie"

"Debbie Watson — Marilyn"

"Hermione Gingold — Lady Effigie Munster"

"Robert Pine — Roger Moresby"

"Terry-Thomas — Cousin Freddie Munster"

"Jeanne Arnold — Cousin Grace Munster"

"John Carradine — Cruikshank"

"The First Family of Fright is Back Again!"

"Fred Gwynne — Herman Munster"

"Yvonne De Carlo — Lily Munster"

"Al Lewis — Grandpa"

"Jo McDonnell — Marilyn Munster"

"K. C. Martel — Eddie Munster"

"Sid Caesar — Dr. Dustin Diablo"

"Bob Hastings — Phantom of the Opera"

"They're back!"

"America's favorite TV family returns with a Halloween adventure for the 90's!"

"Edward Herrmann — Herman Munster"

"Veronica Hamel — Lily Munster"

"Robert Morse — Grandpa"

"Christine Taylor — Marilyn Hyde"

"Dacre Montgomery - Jason Scott/The Red Ranger"

"Naomi Scott - Kimberly Hart/The Pink Ranger"

"RJ Cyler - Billy Cranston/The Blue Ranger"

"Becky G - Trini/The Yellow Ranger"

"Ludi Lin - Zack/The Black Ranger"

"Bryan Cranston - Zordon"

"Bill Hader - Alpha 5"

"Elizabeth Banks - Rita Repulsa"

"Hey, Radar! We're landing in our new home! Oceanview, Illinois. Boy, in a few minutes, we'll meet our new bird family -- The Dodos."

"4 more keys. 2 more keys. 1 more key."

"It's Big Adventure! It's Big Laughs! It's Big Bird on the Big Screen!"

"The First Sesame Street Movie Ever."

"Caroll Spinney as Big Bird, Oscar the Grouch and Bruno the Trashman"

"Jim Henson as Kermit the Frog, Ernie, Bruce, Guy Smiley and Harvey Monster"

"Frank Oz as Bert, Cookie Monster, Clancy, Dr. Nobel Price, Grover and Sully"

"Jerry Nelson as Count von Count, Farley, Herry Monster, Sherlock Hemlock and Biff"

"Richard Hunt as Gladys the Cow, Don Music, Maurice Monster and Feathered Friends Member"

"Martin P. Robinson as Snuffy, Telly Monster, Dinger and Grouch Diner Patron"

"Cheryl Wagner as Miss Finch (performer)"

"Fred Garver as Barkley, Feathered Friends Parrot, Owl"

"Trish Leeper as Mommy Dodo (performer)"

"Gord Robertson as Daddy Dodo (performer)"

"Shari Weiser as Marie Dodo (performer)"

"Jeff Weiser as Donnie Dodo (performer)"

"Noel MacNeal as Madame Chairbird"

"Pam Arciero as Grundgetta"

"Kathryn Mullen as Mr. Honker, Feathered Friends Magistrate, Grouch Diner Patron, Anything Muppet Girl"

"Bob McGrath as Bob Johnson"

"Northern Calloway as David"

"Roscoe Orman as Gordon Robinson"

"Linda Bove as Linda"

"Emilio Delgado as Luis Rodriguez"

"Sonia Manzano as Maria Rodriguez"

"Alaina Reed as Olivia Robinson"

"Loretta Long as Susan Robinson"

"David Smyrl as Mr. Hooper"

"Kermit Love as Willy"

"Joe Flaherty as Sid Sleaze"

"Dave Thomas as Sam Sleaze"

"Alyson Court as Ruthie"

"Benjamin Barrett as Floyd"

"Waylon Jennings as Turkey Truck Driver"

"Sandra Bernhard as Grouch Diner Waitress"

"Chevy Chase as Newscaster"

"John Candy as State Trooper"

"Paul Bartel as Grouch Diner Cook"

"[seeing Drake as a mall Santa making out with someone] That's not what Santa does."

"[calling the cops over vandals at a Christmas party] Hello? Cops?!"

"[getting arrested] Oh, no. Oh no, you don't understand, I didn't... I didn't do anything! I didn't do anything! There's been a terrible mistake! I'm not saying it's your fault! I'm not saying it's your fault! I'm just saying there's been a mix-up! There's been a mix-up!"

"[painfully, while climbing a tree] Bark against my groin."

"[shouting in court] The cow goes moo! I was trapped in a refrigerator! I take special vitamins!"

"Kendall Schmidt as Kendall Knight"

"James Maslow as James Diamond"

"Carlos Pena Jr. as Carlos Garcia"

"Logan Henderson as Logan Mitchell"

"Ciara Bravo as Katie Knight"

"Challen Cates as Jennifer Knight"

"Stephen Kramer Glickman as Gustavo Rocque"

"Tanya Chisholm as Kelly Wainwright"

"Emma Lahana as Penelope "Penny" Lane"

"Teach Grant as the Concert Promoter"

"Christopher Shyer as Simon Lane, an MI6 agent."

"Bob Poelking as the Pesky Government Teacher"

"Trevor Devall as Sir Atticus Moon, a millionaire businessman and the main antagonist."

"John DeSantis as Maxwell, henchman of Atticus Moon."

"Garry Chalk as MI6 agent #1"

"Emily Holmes as MI6 agent #2"

"as Louis Stevens"

"as Ren Stevens"

"as Eileen Stevens"

"as Steve Stevens"

"as Donnie Stevens"

"as Miles McDermott"

"as Alan Twitty"

"as Tawny Dean"

"as Lance LeBow"

"as Chief Tuka"

"as Ruby Mendel"

"Kenya Williams as Monique Taylor"

"as Laylo / Patrick Green"

"as Mootai / Jason Holdstead"

"Kyle Gibson as Gil"

"George Anthony Bell as Principal Wexler"

"Eileen (wife)"

"Donnie (son)"

"Ren (daughter)"

"Louis (son)"

"This is Misty Island?"

"Cranky, Salty! Look! That must be Misty Island!"

"So long, Thomas."

"And I'm... Ferdinand."

"You'll be laughing on the other side of your boilers soon, silly steamies. [laughs evilly; then exhales] Yes."

"as Diesel 10"

"as Salty and Captain"

"Martin Sherman as Thomas & Percy (Best Friends)"

"as Dash, Harold, Gordon, James, Henry, Kevin, & Sir Topham Hatt"

"William Hope as Bash, Whiff, Edward, Toby, Rocky and the Dock Manager"

"as Ferdinand and Cranky"

"as Diesel and the Narrator"

"Narrated by"

"as Thomas, Ferdinand and Toby"

"Keith Wickham as Dash, Harold, Whiff, Percy, Henry, Gordon, James, Henry and the Fat Controller"

"Matt Wilkinson as Bash, Victor, Rocky, Cranky, Kevin and the Dock Manager"

"Kerry Shale as Diesel"

"Diesel 10! What do you think you are doing?!"

"Diesel 10: Uh, eh, I.. um.."

"You, Diesel 10, are an engine on my railway! You will do as I say when I say it! Do you understand?!?! [Diesel 10 whimpers] You have caused confusion and delay! The Dieselworks has been on fire! The Steamworks has been bashed and banged! And because of you, none of my engines is being really useful! You will put right everything you damaged!"

"as Diesel 10"

"as Salty, Paxton, Den and Dowager Hatt"

"as Dart and Flynn"

"as 'Arry, Bert, Sidney and Norman"

"as Diesel and the Narrator"

"Martin Sherman as Percy and Thomas"

"Kerry Shale as Kevin, Henry, Gordon, James and Sir Topham Hatt"

"as Mavis, Emily and Lady Hatt"

"as Stanley"

"William Hope as Edward, Toby, Rocky and Farmer McColl"

"Narrated by"

"Ben Small as Thomas and Toby"

"Keith Wickham as Percy, Edward, Henry, Gordon, James and the Fat Controller"

"Matt Wilkinson as Kevin, Stanley, Victor, Cranky, Rocky and Farmer McColl"

"Teresa Gallagher as Mavis, Emily and Lady Hatt"

"Kerry Shale as Diesel"

"[into his mini-tape recorder] Diane, it's 4:20pm. I'm standing here at the Wind River near the location where the body of Teresa Banks was found. Diane, this case gives me a strange feeling. Not only has Special Agent Chester Desmond dissappeared without a trace, but this is one of Cole's blue rose cases. The clues that were found by Special Agent Desmond and Agent Stanley have led to dead ends. The letter that was extracted from beneath the fingernail of Teresa Banks gives me the feeling that the killer will strike again. But like the song goes, "who knows where, or when?""

"Don't take the ring, Laura."

"[to Harold] You have to hide the diary, Harold. You made me write it all down. He doesn't know about you. You'll be safe."

"[to Laura] If I had a nickel for every cigarette your mom smoked, I'd be dead."

"The Log Lady: [to Laura] When this kind of fire starts, it is very hard to put out. The tender boughs of innocence burn first, and the wind rises, and then all goodness is in jeopardy."

"Annie Blackburn: [to Laura] My name is Annie. I've been with Dale and Laura. The good Dale is in the lodge and can't leave. Write it in your diary."

"Man from Another Place: Do you know who I am? I am the arm, and I sound like this... [makes whooping sounds]"

"Phillip Jeffries: It was a dream! We live inside a dream!"

"Jacques Renault: Hey, slow pokes... Guess what? There's no tomorrow... Know why, baby? 'Cause it'll never get here."

"Jacques Renault: I'm blank as a fart."

"Mrs. Tremond's Grandson: [to Laura; whispering] The man behind the mask is looking for the book with the pages torn out. He is going towards the hiding place."

"Meet Laura Palmer... In a town where nothing is as it seems... And everyone has something to hide."

"In a town like Twin Peaks, no one is innocent."

"These are the last seven days of Laura Palmer."

"Sheryl Lee as Laura Palmer"

"Ray Wise as Leland Palmer"

"Kyle MacLachlan as Special Agent Dale Cooper"

"Mädchen Amick as Shelly Johnson"

"Dana Ashbrook as Bobby Briggs"

"Phoebe Augustine as Ronette Pulaski"

"David Bowie as Special Agent Phillip Jeffries"

"Eric Da Re as Leo Johnson"

"Miguel Ferrer as Special Agent Albert Rosenfield"

"Pamela Gidley as Teresa Banks"

"Heather Graham as Annie Blackburn"

"Chris Isaak as Special Agent Chester Desmond"

"Moira Kelly as Donna Hayward"

"Peggy Lipton as Norma Jennings"

"David Lynch as Bureau Chief Gordon Cole"

"James Marshall as James Hurley"

"Jürgen Prochnow as Woodsman"

"Harry Dean Stanton as Carl Rodd"

"Kiefer Sutherland as Special Agent Sam Stanley"

"Lenny Von Dohlen as Harold Smith"

"Grace Zabriskie as Sarah Palmer"

"Frances Bay as Mrs. Tremond / Mrs. Chalfont"

"Catherine E. Coulson as Margaret Lanterman / "The Log Lady""

"Michael J. Anderson as The Man from Another Place"

"Frank Silva as Killer BOB"

"Walter Olkewicz as Jacques Renault"

"Al Strobel as Phillip Michael Gerard / MIKE"

"Gary Hershberger as Mike Nelson"

"There's your cot, don't jack off on my sheets."

"Who taught you how to drive? Stevie fucking Wonder?"

"You going night-night, bitch."

"Ronnie, I need your help. Because as much as I know about laptops, I don't know shit about computers..."

"Don't worry, summer is coming"

"Get your guard on"

"Go ahead and stare"

"Beaches ain't ready"

"Dwayne Johnson – Mitch Buchannon"

"Zac Efron – Matt Brody"

"Alexandra Daddario – Summer Quinn"

"Priyanka Chopra – Victoria Leeds"

"Kelly Rohrbach – C. J. Parker"

"Jon Bass – Ronnie Greenbaum"

"Hannibal Buress – Dave the Tech"

"Ilfenesh Hadera – Stephanie Holden"

"Yahya Abdul-Mateen II – Sgt. Ellerbee"

"Oscar Nunez – Councilman Rodriguez"

"Rob Huebel – Captain Thorpe"

"Amin Joseph – Frankie"

"Jack Kesy – Leon"

"Pamela Anderson – Casey Jean Parker"

"David Hasselhoff – Mitch Buchannon, the Mentor"

"[chanted in unison] Hey hey we are the Monkees, you know we aim to please. A manufactured image with no philosophies."

"Hey, hey, we are The Monkees; We've said it all before; The money's in, we're made of tin; we're here to give you more; The money's in, we're made of tin, we're here to give you..."

"Well, let me tell you one thing son. Nobody ever lends money to a man with a sense of humor."

"[choosing Sonny Liston to box against] Great, I'll have a go at him. You won't hurt my face, will ya? Million dollar head, this."

"Okay. You think they call us plastic now, babe, but wait 'til I get through telling them how we do it."

"Anyway, the idea is this: byproducts. Imagine Italians. Blonde wigs for kids! Swords! The whole phallic thing is happening! I mean, why don't we use CLASSIC things? MILLIONS! I'm telling you, MILLIONS!"

"'Atta boy, Mike. 'Atta boy. 'Atta boy, Mike. 'Atta boy, Mike."

"Boys, don't never, but never, make fun of no cripples."

"We were speaking of belief. Beliefs and conditioning. Whole belief possibly could be said to be the result of some conditioning. Thus, the study of history is simply the study of one system of beliefs deposing another, and so on and so on and so on. A psychologically tested belief of our time is that the central nervous system, which feeds its impulses directly to the brain: the conscious and subconscious, is unable to discern between the real and the vividly imagined experience. If there is a difference, and most of us believe there is, am I being clear? For to examine these concepts requires tremendous energy and discipline. To experience the now... without preconception or belief. To allow the unknown to occur and to occur requires clarity. But where there is clarity, there is no choice. And where there is choice, there is misery. But then, why should anyone listen to me? Why should I speak? Since I know nothing!"

"Inspector Shrink: Pleasure – the inevitable byproduct of our civilization. A new world – the only preoccupation will be: how to amuse itself. The tragedy of your time, my young friends, is that you may get exactly what you want."

"Interviewee: Are you telling me that you don't see the connection between government and laughing at people?"

"Cow: Monkees is the craziest people!"

"Mrs. Ace: Changing your image, darling? While you're at it, why don't you have them write you some talent."

"Play Man: Somebody come up and giggle at ya, that's a violation of your civil rights."

"Bearded Man: Skunk bait. That's what the world is full of; that's what it's based on. That's what this economy is based on."

"Peter Tork - Peter"

"David Jones - Davy"

"Micky Dolenz - Micky"

"Michael Nesmith - Mike"

"Annette Funicello - Teresa/Minnie"

"Timothy Carey - Lord High 'n' Low"

"Logan Ramsey - Officer Faye Lapid"

"Abraham Sofaer - Swami"

"Vito Scotti - I. Vitteloni"

"Charles Macaulay - Inspector Shrink"

"T. C. Jones - Mr. and Mrs. Ace"

"Charles Irving - Mayor Feedback"

"William Bagdad - Black Sheik"

"Percy Helton - Heraldic Messenger"

"Sonny Liston - Extra"

"Ray Nitschke - Private One"

"Carol Doda - Sally Silicone"

"Frank Zappa - The Critic"

"June Fairchild - The Jumper"

"Teri Garr - Testy True"

"I. J. Jefferson - Lady Pleasure"

"Victor Mature - The Big Victor"

"Toni Basil - 'Daddy's Song' Dancer"

"Lee Kolima - Guard"

"Terry Chambers - Hero"

"Mike Burns - Nothing"

"Esther Shepard - Mother"

"Kristine Helstoski - Girl Friend"

"John Hoffman - The Sexfiend"

"Linda Weaver - Lover Secretary"

"Jim Hanley - Frodis"

"Dennis Hopper - Himself"

"Bob Rafelson - Himself"

"Jack Nicholson - Movie Director in Restaurant"

"A Royal visit is like a swan on a lake. Grace and serenity above, demented kicking below."

"Well, the day has dawned, and the weather proves conclusively that God is a monarchist."

"You can love people you disagree with."

"[about the Crawley family] They're decent, at the core.... And they're silly, too. And snobbish at times. And I wouldn't give tuppence for their politics. But I've learned to be happy with all of that. And, besides, they're my daughter's family."

"[to Lucy Smith] Go forward in health and use your luck wisely."

"Oh, this wasn't Monsieur Courbet, Your Majesty. Mrs. Patmore cooked it. In fact, it is the Downton Abbey staff who are serving you this evening."

"[to Andy] You tried to wreck the visit of the King of England. You risked being sacked, you risked ruin... just for the love of me?"

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit."

"I'm glad I'm a revelation and not a disappointment."

"I never argue. I explain."

"[regarding her impending death] There's nothing sad here. I have lived a privileged and an interesting life, and now it's... it's time to go. I'm leaving the family and the place that I treasure in talented hands."

"I'll be fine until I'm not. That's all there is to it."

"Elsie, a hundred years from now, Downton will still be standing. And the Crawleys will still be here. And that is a promise."

"Hugh Bonneville as Robert Crawley, 7th Earl of Grantham"

"Laura Carmichael as Edith Pelham, Marchioness of Hexham"

"Jim Carter as Charles Carson"

"Michelle Dockery as Lady Mary Talbot"

"Kevin Doyle as Joseph Molesley"

"Joanne Froggatt as Anna Bates"

"Robert James-Collier as Thomas Barrow"

"Allen Leech as Tom Branson"

"Elizabeth McGovern as Cora Crawley, Countess of Grantham"

"Sophie McShera as Daisy Mason"

"Maggie Smith as Violet Crawley, Dowager Countess of Grantham"

"Penelope Wilton as Isobel Grey, Lady Merton"

"Imelda Staunton as Maud, Lady Bagshaw"

"Max Brown as Richard Ellis"

"David Haig as Mr. Wilson"

"Simon Jones as King George V"

"[regarding filming a movie at the Downton home] I think it's a horrible idea! Actresses plastered in make-up, and actors just plastered, scrambling over our things. We'd have to keep counting the spoons in the pantry."

"[to Cora, sobbing] My God. To lose my mother and my name. Must I lose you, too? I can't bear it."

"[to Mary] Women like us fall into two categories: dragons and fools. You must make sure they think of you as a dragon."

"Stop that noise. I can't hear myself die. [The Dowager's last words]"

"With the money, we can bring the house up to snuff to match what we've spent on the estate. And enter the 1930s with our heads held high."

"You don't need me to tell you that marriage is a novel, not a short story. Full of plot twists along the way."

"[proudly] They'd better be warned. The British are coming!"

"It's more than that. For me, Hollywood is the ultimate dream factory. And I need dreams as much as the next man."

"Filming must be the slowest occupation known to man. It makes a glacier look impatient."

"Hugh Bonneville as Robert Crawley, 7th Earl of Grantham"

"Laura Carmichael as Edith Pelham, Marchioness of Hexham"

"Jim Carter as Charles Carson"

"Raquel Cassidy as Phyllis Baxter"

"Brendan Coyle as John Bates"

"Michelle Dockery as Lady Mary Talbot"

"Kevin Doyle as Joseph Molesley"

"Robert James-Collier as Thomas Barrow"

"Phyllis Logan as Elsie Carson"

"Elizabeth McGovern as Cora Crawley, Countess of Grantham"

"Maggie Smith as Violet Crawley, Dowager Countess of Grantham"

"Penelope Wilton as Isobel Grey, Lady Merton"

"Hugh Dancy as Jack Barber"

"Dominic West as Guy Dexter"

"Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass!"

"We have winners and we have Steve-O."

"[To Steve-O] You still got those million dollar teeth that's for sure. [Steve-O then removes his dentures to reveal a missing tooth]"

"What did you guys do to Eric?"

"I went up high as a moose's caboose."

"Almost twenty years ago today, we filmed the original cup test... and now twenty years later we're still doing the same stupid shit."

"Hello, I am Johnny the Magnificent. Today I'm going to wow you with my supreme skills of prestidigitation."

"That bull didn't like fucking magic!"

"It felt like I got a 200 pound colonic up my ass."

"Concussions aren't great, but as long as you have them before you're 50, it's cool, and Knoxville is 49, so we're good."

"You might be younger, taller, better looking, richer, more talented... but motherfucker I can ride!"

"[After getting hit in the head by a speeding soccer ball] Yeah, that rang my bell. [Points to trailer behind him] I took a huge shit in there too."

"So here we are back at the bullring. Even at the time when I wanted to die, I wouldn't get in the bullring, you know. When life was it's least valuable I would have no part in this bullshit. And it's my least favorite thing. The movie's going so well, why the fuck are we doing this?"

"Preston should've pooped before he came to work today. Fail to prepare, prepare to fail."

"And if you're wondering if the curtains match the drapes, let me tell you, I tore those drapes out a long time ago."

"These guys are old, we paid our dues, so we're handing the torch to you."

"It's semen alright."

"It's been a while since I ate the horse semen, but I think I prefer the pig. Bacon's better than horse meat right?"

"Milk milk lemonade. Around the corner fudge is made. Stick your finger up that hole. Now you've got a Tootsie Roll!"

"That was a violent brawl. One sided to be sure."

"If you think we're wearing underwear under these tunics... you're sadly mistaken, my friend."

"A lot of people ask: "What will Jackass be like once we're older". Well, it'll get more mature."

"When the beast awakens, the monster arises."

"I've lived a life of danger. I've used my body to find my soul, broken, beaten, as I get old. Now buckle up and enjoy the ride, it's almost time for me to fly."

"[He is strapped down in a chair] I'm trapped! [Johnny pours honey all over his head] And you're putting honey on me! [Johnny then pours chunks of salmon on the chair near his crotch] And salmon? [The door opens and a bear roars as it comes in] Oh, my God! WHAT THE FUCK... IS GOING ON...?!"

"No, fuck you. I'll start a new life in here."

"I just said why can't I wear my cool hat and now I know why."

"I can barely taste the pig cum in this."

"Dick pain hurts."

"Okay. There's enough meat there."

"What the fuck is that? I'm not fucking stupid! [Finding the buzzer underneath his seat]"

"It ain't a bunch of NASA scientists over here, you know what I mean? This ain't a MENSA convention."

"I'm Poopies... big-time movie star. And today, we're big wave surfing."

"So if we get bit we die? Are you serious?"

"Is there an "antidope" here? Is that what it's called? Antivenom, not "antidope". What does "antidope" mean? I don't even know. What's "antidope"?"

"Now it's time for some hot shit water skiing! Grom!"

"This is so fucked up! I knew this was gonna fucking happen! Why the fuck did we go down to the basement?"

"I'm kinda embarrassed right now. Like, I came out of his penis. Hood card taken away."

"I feel that shit man! That mothafucka tryna hurt me man!"

"You look scareder than me and this is yo shit!"

"If they do trust us to go the bathroom today, they're pretty... they're pretty less intelligent than I thought."

"Johnny Knoxville as Self/Irving Zisman"

"Steve-O as Self"

"Chris Pontius as Self"

"Dave England as Self"

"Ehren "Danger Ehren" McGhehey as Self"

"Jason "Wee Man" Acuña as Self"

"Preston Lacy as Self"

"Davon "Jasper" Wilson as Self"

"Sean "Poopies" McInerney as Self"

"Zach Holmes as Self"

"Eric Manaka as Self"

"Rachel Wolfson as Self"

"Compston "Dark Shark" Wilson as Self"

"Jeff Tremaine as Self"

"Dimitry Elyashkevich as Self"

"Rob Dyrdek as Self"

"Simon Bird as Will McKenzie"

"James Buckley as Jay Cartwright"

"Blake Harrison as Neil Sutherland"

"Joe Thomas as Simon Cooper"

"Simon Bird as Will McKenzie"

"James Buckley as Jay Cartwright"

"Blake Harrison as Neil Sutherland"

"Joe Thomas as Simon Cooper"

"Emily Head as Carli D’Amato"

"Laura Haddock as Alison"

"Tamla Kari as Lucy"

"Jessica Knappett as Lisa"

"Lydia Rose Bewley as Jane"