53 quotes found
"Thank you for trying to get me to like Christmas. I love that you love it. I'm just so content taking care of other people's pets when they're away for the holiday."
"[about Harper]: She is my person and I really want everyone to know that. I want to marry her."
"I know this is very old-fashioned, but I am probably gonna ask her dad for his blessing and propose to her on Christmas morning."
"Harper isn't out and her parents don't know we're together."
"Do you know how painful it's been to watch the person that I love choose to hide me?"
"Yesterday I never felt closer to another person in my entire life, and now I don't know her. I thought she loved me and was happy, but I see her here and she's so terrified of what everyone thinks. It's just making me wonder who the real Harper is."
"[after meeting Riley]: Well, who knows, maybe another one of your exes will bring out dessert."
"[to the question that does she have a boyfriend]: No. But I have. Cause... I have had many. Um, but‐but not too many; an‐an appropriate amount. I actually just went through a breakup. Yeah, with, um, he was a... he was a milk man."
"[to Abby]: How can you not love the lights and the decorations and the Christmas trees?"
"Come with me to my parents' house for Christmas. I want to wake up with you on Christmas morning. And if that doesn't convince you to love Christmas, I'll never bring it up again."
"I am not hiding you. I am hiding me."
"[to her sister, Sloane]: Snowman pancakes? God, that’s a lot of work for something that’s just gonna turn to shit. Oh, but that’s kind of like your law degree."
"Shut up, Jane!"
"Sloane wasn't lying! I'm gay. And I am in love with Abby. I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys sooner, but I know how much appearances and reputation matter to you. And me being gay didn't fit into the plan. But I let myself hurt Riley because I was so scared that you'd find out I wasn't who you wanted me to be, and I still regret it. I can't do that to Abby and throw away our life together. So I am done being scared, and I am done keeping secrets."
"[repeated line to Abby]: I'm tracking you."
"I track everybody. If the NSA can do it, so can I."
"Abby, you and Harper have a perfect relationship. Why do you want to ruin that by engaging in one of the most archaic institutions in the history of the human race?"
"Way to stick it to the patriarchy. Really well done."
"So her parents think that their straight daughter brought home her lesbian friend for Christmas?"
"Have they ever met a lesbian?"
"Everybody's story is different. Just because Harper isn't ready doesn't mean she never will be, and it doesn't mean she doesn't love you."
"The money doesn't matter. When I sell my book, I'll take care of all of us."
"I have a way with routers."
"I don't know about you, but I am single and I am ready to mingle."
"Come on, guys. Just hug it out."
"[to Sloane]: Freeze! Don’t move one more muscle before I hug you!"
"I had night terrors. They put me down here so I wouldn't wake everyone up."
"Let me know if you guys need any more room. I can make myself real small."
"[after Harper accidentally destroys her painting]: I put 100 hours into that painting, and you... you just destroyed it like it was nothing. It was something. I am something. And guess what: I like myself. And maybe you all don’t because I’m not fancy. But whether you like it or not, I’m a part of this family, and I will not be left out anymore!"
"I always skated circles around you."
"You have no idea what goes on in other people’s families, so you need to just keep your mouth shut!"
"Harper is a lesbian! Abby is her girlfriend."
"[while fighting with Harper and Abby wants to interfere]: You stay out of this, Sappho!"
"[to her parents]: Eric and I are getting a divorce. We separated a few months ago. And the truth is I didn’t tell you because without my family I’m worthless to you. We’ve spent our entire lives trying to earn your love, and I’m done, too."
"[after Abby is introduced to him as Harper's orphan friend]: Yes, of course. It's terrible. [pats her shoulder] There, there."
"Isn't this the best time of the year? I mean, really."
"I love you, girls. And I'm sorry for making you think that anything could ever get in the way of that. I want to do better, and it will take time, but all I want for you is to find the same joy and happiness that you have given me, no matter where it comes from."
"I started an Instagram feed for your father to give voters a peek behind the curtain. Your mother's going viral!"
"We have been so worried about seeming perfect, but maybe we don't even know what perfect is. We have one daughter who has been unhappy in a marriage and felt like she couldn't tell us! And another daughter who just had her heart broken because she was afraid we wouldn't love her if she told us the truth. And the only reason that Jane is okay is because we gave up on her after she wouldn't stop biting in preschool. That is very far from perfect, if you ask me."
"This holiday, everyone’s secrets are coming out."
"This holiday, come out and meet the family."
"One big secret, two terrible liars."
"Kristen Stewart - Abigail "Abby" Holland"
"Mackenzie Davis - Harper Caldwell"
"Alison Brie - Sloane Caldwell"
"Aubrey Plaza - Riley Johnson"
"Dan Levy - John"
"Mary Holland - Jane Caldwell"
"Victor Garber - Ted Caldwell"
"Mary Steenburgen - Tipper Caldwell"
"Ana Gasteyer - Harry Levin"
"Jake McDorman - Connor"
"Burl Moseley - Eric"