320 quotes found
"Just think about it. Our whole world is sitting there on a computer. It's in the computer, everything: your, your DMV records, your, your social security, your credit cards, your medical records. It's all right there. Everyone is stored in there. It's like this little electronic shadow on each and everyone of us, just, just begging for someone to screw with, and you know what? They've done it to me, and you know what? They're gonna do it to you."
"Such a nightmare! It's like I'm not even me anymore!"
"What were you trying to do? Save the world?"
"If you'll excuse me, it's, it's time to make the world safe for democracy."
"Ruth Marx: Give us the disk and we'll give you your life back."
"IceMan: [in a chat room] No one leaves the house anymore. No one has sex. The Net is ultimate condom."
"Her driver's license. Her credit cards. Her bank accounts. Her identity. DELETED."
"Escape is impossible when you’re caught in the net."
"Sandra Bullock — Angela Bennett"
"Jeremy Northam — Jack Devlin"
"Dennis Miller — Dr. Alan Champion"
"Diane Baker — Mrs. Bennett"
"Wendy Gazelle — Ruth Marx"
"Ken Howard — Michael Bergstrom"
"Is it a game, or is it real?"
""Global Thermonuclear War." You may think it's one hell of a game. You couldn't be more right."
"This is the weekend they didn't play chess...but they should have."
"To David Lightman, "Global Thermonuclear War" will just be one hell of a game. To everybody else, it will be hell waiting to happen."
"Where the only winning move is NOT TO PLAY. We shall make world peace so you have a decision to make now."
"Matthew Broderick - David Lightman"
"Dabney Coleman - Dr. John McKittrick"
"John Wood - Dr. Stephen Falken / Voice of Joshua"
"Ally Sheedy - Jennifer Katherine Mack"
"Barry Corbin - General Jack Beringer"
"This isn't a game! In the real world, when you kill people they die—for real!"
"Human knowledge belongs to the world."
"Milo is an energy drink."
"Milo helps each of us to beat energy gap."
"Your adapters can't overcome the bandwidth limitations of wireless handhelds. Data takes too long to download so the image goes fuzzy."
"This business is binary, you're a one or a zero. Alive or dead."
"The answer's not in the box, it's in the band."
"Are we making CHEMICAL WEAPONS? KIDDIE PORN? Are we STRIP-MINING? NO! Why are they after me?"
"Gary is the name of spongebob's snail."
"He said, uh, "The answer's not in the box, it's in the band.""
"Truth can be dangerous…Trust can be deadly"
"Who's watching you?"
"Trust is not an option."
"Ryan Phillippe — Milo Hoffman"
"Rachael Leigh Cook — Lisa Calighan"
"Claire Forlani — Alice Poulson"
"Tim Robbins — Gary Winston"
"Douglas McFerran — Bob Shrot"
"Richard Roundtree — Lyle Barton"
"Yee Jee Tso — Teddy Chin"
"[to Kathleen Kelly] I would have asked for your number… and I wouldn't have been able to wait 24 hours before calling and asking, "How about coffee, drinks, dinner, a movie, for as long as we both shall live?""
"[to Kathleen Kelly about her internet friend NY152] Maybe he is fat. Yup. He's fat. He's a fatty."
"[to Kathleen Kelly] Timing is everything. He waited until you were primed. Until you knew there was no other man you could ever love."
"[to Kathleen Kelly (Shopgirl) in email] Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly-sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address. On the other hand, this not knowing has its charms."
"[to Kathleen Kelly (Shopgirl) in email] Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could pass all my zingers to you and then I would never behave badly and you could behave badly all the time and we'd both be happy? On the other hand, I must warn you that when you finally have the pleasure of saying the thing you mean to say at the moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follows."
"[to Kathleen Kelly (Shopgirl) in instant message] The Godfather is the I Ching. The Godfather is the sum of all wisdom. The Godfather is the answer to any question. What should I pack for my summer vacation? 'Leave the gun, take the cannoli.' What day of the week is it? 'Maunday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday.' And the answer to your question is 'Go to the mattresses.' You're at war. 'It's not personal, it's business. It's not personal it's business.' Recite that to yourself every time you feel you're losing your nerve. I know you worry about being brave, this is your chance. Fight. Fight to the death."
"[to Kevin] I love Patricia. Patricia's amazing. Patricia makes coffee nervous."
"[to Kevin] I said we were a piazza, where people could mingle and mix and be…I was eloquent."
"[to Kathleen Kelly] I met a man in an elevator today who knew exactly what he wanted. And I found myself wishing I were as lucky as he."
"[to Kathleen Kelly (Shopgirl) in email] The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are, can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall! Decaf! Cappuccino!"
"[to Kathleen Kelly at bookstore, describing his 4-year-old half-brother Matthew and 11-year-old aunt Annabel] Matt is my father's son. Annabel is my grandfather's daughter. We are -- an American family."
"[to Kathleen Kelly at bookstore] '(Balloons get caught in the door)' Good thing it wasn't the fish!"
"[to Joe Fox, after first meeting him in "The Shop Around the Corner"] I started helping my mother after school here when I was six years old. And I used to watch her. And it wasn't that she was just selling books, it was that she was helping people become whoever it was (that) they were going to turn out to be. Because when you read a book as a child it becomes part of your identity in a way that no other reading in your whole life does..."
"[to Joe Fox] You were spying on me, weren't you? You probably rented those children."
"[to Joe Fox] 'Joe. Just call me Joe.' As if you were one of those stupid 22-year-old girls with no last name. 'Hi, I'm Kimberley.' 'Hi, I'm Janice.' Don't they know you're supposed to have a last name? It's like they're an entire generation of cocktail waitresses."
"[to Joe Fox (NY152) in email] The odd thing about this form of communication is that you're more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings."
"[to Joe Fox (NY152) in email] Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, valuable, but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight, dear void."
"[to Joe Fox (NY152) in email] Once I read a story about a butterfly in the subway, and today I saw one. I couldn't believe it. It got on at 42nd -- and got off at 59th, where I assume it was going to Bloomingdale's to buy a hat that will turn out to be a mistake. As almost all hats are."
"[to Christina] It will be really easy to stop seeing him, because .... I'm not."
"[to Joe Fox] I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly."
"[to Kathleen Kelly] Listen to this -- the entire workforce of the state of Virginia had to have solitaire removed from their computers -- because they hadn't done any work in six weeks.… You know what this is, you know what we're seeing here? We're seeing the end of Western civilization as we know it."
"[to Kathleen Kelly]The Olympia Report deluxe Electric. Report…as in gunshot."
"[to Kathleen Kelly, typing]You are a lone reed, standing tall, waving boldly, in the corrupt sands of commerce."
"[to Sidney-Ann Strongin on television] Technologically speaking, the world's out of hand. Take the VCR. The whole idea of a VCR is that it makes it possible for you to tape what's on television while you're out of the house. But the whole point of being out of the house is so you can miss what's on television. Radio. Now there's a medium I can get behind."
"[to Sidney-Ann Strongin on television] Thank your."
"[to Joe Fox] I'm late. Random House fired Dick Atkins. Good riddance. Murray Chilton died. Which makes one less person I'm not speaking to -- (she drains a cup of espresso as a second starts to come out of the machine) Vince got a great review. He'll be insufferable. Tonight, PEN dinner…"
"[to Frank Navasky, at dinner party] You know, what's always fascinated me about Julius and Ethel Rosenberg is how old they looked when they were really just our age."
"[to Christina and Kathleen Kelly] As far as I'm concerned, the Internet is just another way to be rejected by a woman."
"[to Christina and Kathleen Kelly] This place is a tomb. I'm going to the nutshop where it's fun."
"[to Christina and Kathleen Kelly] Should I get sausage for the meat sauce or chopped meat..? No, you know what, I'm gonna get clam sauce, 'cuz this is a big date."
"Joe Fox - Tom Hanks"
"Kathleen Kelly - Meg Ryan"
"Frank Navasky - Greg Kinnear"
"Patricia Eden - Parker Posey"
"Birdie Conrad - Jean Stapleton"
"George Pappas - Steve Zahn"
"Christina Plutzker - Heather Burns"
"Kevin Jackson - Dave Chappelle"
"Nelson Fox - Dabney Coleman"
"Schuyler Fox - John Randolph"
"Veronica Grant - Deborah Rush"
"Annabel Fox - Hallee Hirsh"
"Matthew Fox - Jeffrey Scaperrotta"
"Gillian Quinn - Cara Seymour"
"You know what the problem with Hollywood is? They make shit. Unbelievable, unremarkable shit. Now I'm not some grungy wannabe filmmaker that's searching for existentialism through a haze of bong smoke or something. No, it's easy to pick apart bad acting, short-sighted directing, and a purely moronic stringing together of words that many of the studios term as "prose". No, I'm talking about the lack of realism. Realism; not a pervasive element in today's modern American cinematic vision. Take Dog Day Afternoon, for example. Arguably Pacino's best work, short of Scarface and Godfather Part 1, of course. Masterpiece of directing, easily Lumet's best. The cinematography, the acting, the screenplay, all top-notch. But... they didn't push the envelope. Now what if in Dog Day, Sonny REALLY wanted to get away with it? What if - now here's the tricky part - what if he started killing hostages right away? No mercy, no quarter. "Meet our demands or the pretty blonde in the bellbottoms gets it the back of the head." Bam, splat! What, still no bus? Come on! How many innocent victims splattered across a window would it take to have the city reverse its policy on hostage situations? And this is 1976; there's no CNN, there's no CNBC, there's no internet! Now fast forward to today, present time, same situation. How quickly would the modern media make a frenzy over this? In a matter of hours, it'd be biggest story from Boston to Budapest! Ten hostages die, twenty, thirty; bam bam, right after another, all caught in high-def, computer-enhanced, color corrected. You can practically taste the brain matter. All for what? A bus, a plane? A couple of million dollars that's federally insured? I don't think so. Just a thought. I mean, it's not within the realm of conventional cinema... but what if?"
"I have been told that the best crackers in the world can do this under 60 minutes but unfortunately I need someone who can do this under 60 seconds."
"It's kinda like masturbation without the payoff."
"Stanley: Nothing is impossible."
"Axel Torvalds: He exists in a world beyond your world. What we only fantasize, he does. He lives a life where nothing is beyond him. But you know what? It's all a facade. For all his charm and charisma, his wealth, his expensive toys... he's a driven, unflinching, calculating machine. He takes what he wants, when he wants... and disappears."
"Ginger: Surprised that a girl with an IQ over seventy can give you a hard on?"
"Log on. Hack in. Go anywhere. Steal everything."
"Once you know the password you can go anywhere."
"Log In. Log Out. Leg It!"
"Password Accepted"
"Log On. Hack In. Go Anywhere. Get Everything."
"John Travolta — Gabriel Shear"
"Hugh Jackman — Stanley Jobson"
"Halle Berry — Ginger Knowles"
"Don Cheadle — Agent J.T. Roberts"
"Sam Shepard — Senator James Reisman"
"Vinnie Jones — Marco"
"[taunts Thomas Gabriel] I know I'm not as smart as you guys at all this computer shit. But, hey... I'm still alive, ain't I? I mean, you've GOT to be running out of bad guys by now, right? Huh? Gabriel? Honestly, you can tell me. I mean, how does that work? Got some kind of service or something? Some kind of 800 number? 1-800-HENCHMEN? Oh, you know what? I bet you're still on hold with, "Can I get another dead Asian hooker bitch over here right away?""
"[sees Farrell's leg wound] Hey, chicks dig scars. [notices Farrell looking at his daughter Lucy] Not that one."
"Yippee Ki Yay Mo - John 6:27"
"Bruce Willis - John McClane"
"Justin Long - Matthew Farrell"
"Timothy Olyphant - Thomas Gabriel"
"Maggie Q - Mai Linh"
"Mary Elizabeth Winstead - Lucy McClane"
"Cliff Curtis - Miguel Bowman"
"Tim Russ - Agent Summers"
"Kevin Smith - Warlock (Freddie)"
"Jonathan Sadowski - Trey"
"Mess with the best, die like the rest. Hlo"
"Never send a boy to do a woman's job."
"Never fear, I is here."
"There is no right or wrong, just fun and boring."
"God wouldn't be up this late."
"You wanted to know who I am, Zero Cool? Well, let me explain the New World Order. Governments and corporations need people like you and me. We are Samurai... the Keyboard Cowboys... and all those other people out there who have no idea what's going on are the cattle... Moooo."
"Kid, don't threaten me. There are worse things than death, and uh, I can do all of them."
"FYI man, alright. You could sit at home, and do like absolutely nothing, and your name goes through like 17 computers a day. 1984? Yeah right, man. That's a typo. Orwell is here now. He's livin' large. We have no names, man. No names. We are nameless!"
"Look at that pooper. Spandex; it's a privilege, not a right!"
"Listen, we got a higher purpose here, alright? A wakeup call for the Nintendo Generation. We demand free access to data, well, it comes with some responsibility. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man I put away childish things. [Pause] What... It's Corinthians I, Chapter 13, verse 11, no duh. Come on."
"Yo.... I kinda feel like God!"
"Now I keep trying to save you from yourself, but you gotta stop letting your mama dress you, man! You're hopeless!"
"Never again pay for a service that would be free... if it weren't run by profiteering gluttons!"
"Remember, hacking is more than just a crime. It's a survival trait."
"Hack the Planet!"
"Boot Up or Shut Up!"
"Their crime is curiosity."
"You thought your secrets were safe. You were wrong."
"There is no right or wrong, only fun and boring"
"Mess with the best, die like the rest."
"Jonny Lee Miller - Dade Murphy (a.k.a. Crash Override a.k.a. Zero Cool)"
"Angelina Jolie - Kate Libby (a.k.a. Acid Burn)"
"Renoly Santiago - Ramόn Sánchez (a.k.a. The Phantom Phreak)"
"Matthew Lillard - Emmanuel Goldstein (a.k.a. Cereal Killer)"
"Laurence Mason - Paul Cook (a.k.a. Lord Nikon)"
"Jesse Bradford - Joey Pardella"
"Fisher Stevens - Eugene Belford (a.k.a. The Plague)"
"Lorraine Bracco - Margo Wallace"
"Alberta Watson - Lauren Murphy"
"Penn Jillette - Hal"
"Wendell Pierce - Special Agent Richard Gill, U.S. Secret Service"
"Marc Anthony - Special Agent Ray, U.S. Secret Service"
"Michael Gaston - Special Agent Bob, U.S. Secret Service"
"Felicity Huffman - Prosecuting Attorney"
"Change of plans, asshole: You get the money when I get my family!"
"They will make him steal, but he will make them pay."
"Everything He loves Is About To Be Used Against Him."
"They're Already Inside"
"Nothing Is More Dangerous Than A Man With Everything To Lose."
"Harrison Ford - Jack Stanfield"
"Paul Bettany - Bill Cox"
"Virginia Madsen - Beth Stanfield"
"Mary Lynn Rajskub - Janet Stone"
"Robert Patrick - Gary Mitchell"
"Carly Schroeder - Sarah Stanfield"
"Jimmy Bennett - Andy Stanfield"
"Robert Forster - Harry Romano"
"Alan Arkin - Arlin Forester"
"Vincent Gale - Willy"
"Kett Turton - Vel"
"Nikolaj Coster Waldau - Liam"
"Vince Vieluf - Pim"
"A guy who makes a nice chair doesn't owe money to everyone who has ever built a chair."
"You know, you really don't need a forensics team to get to the bottom of this. If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you'd have invented Facebook."
"Erica Albright's a bitch. Do you think that's because her family changed their name from Albrecht, or do you think that's because all BU girls are bitches? For the record, she may look like a 34C, but she's getting all kinds of help from our friends at Victoria's Secret. She's a 34B as in barely anything there. False Advertising."
"A Stanford MBA named Roy Raymond wants to buy his wife some lingerie, but he's too embarrassed to shop for it at a department store. He comes up with an idea for a high end place that doesn't make you feel like a pervert. He gets a $40,000 bank loan, borrows another $40,000 from his in-laws, opens a store, and calls it Victoria's Secret. Makes a half million dollars his first year. He starts a catalog, opens three more stores, and after five years, he sells the company to Leslie Wexner and the Limited for four million dollars. Happy ending, right? Except two years later, the company's worth 500 million dollars, and Roy Raymond jumps off the Golden Gate Bridge. Poor guy just wanted to buy his wife a pair of thigh highs."
"A million dollars isn't cool. You know what's cool? A billion dollars."
"The internet isn't written in pencil, Mark. It's written in ink."
"[to Mark] You are probably going to be a very successful computer person. But you're going to go through life thinking that girls don't like you because you're a nerd. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that won't be true. It'll be because you're an asshole."
"[after Mark unsuccessfully tries to apologize for the Facemash stunt] Good luck with your video game."
"[to Mark, telling him to settle with the Winkelvoss twins for $65 million] Pay them. In the scheme of things, it's a speeding ticket."
"You're not an asshole, Mark. You're just trying so hard to be."
"Jesse Eisenberg – Mark Zuckerberg"
"Andrew Garfield – Eduardo Saverin"
"Justin Timberlake – Sean Parker"
"Armie Hammer – Cameron Winklevoss/Tyler Winklevoss"
"Max Minghella – Divya Narendra"
"Brenda Song – Christy Lee"
"Rashida Jones – Marylin Delpy"
"Joseph Mazzello – Dustin Moskovitz"
"Rooney Mara – Erica Albright"
"Dustin Fitzsimons – The Phoenix S-K Club President"
"Patrick Mapel as Chris Hughes"
"Douglas Urbanski – Larry Summers"
"Wallace Langham – Peter Thiel"
"John Getz – Sy"
"David Selby – Gage"
"Patrick Mapel – Chris Hughes"
"Dakota Johnson – Amelia Ritter"
"Malese Jow – Alice Cantwel"
"Shelby Young – K.C."
"Aaron Sorkin – Ad Executive"
"Steve Sires – Bill Gates"
"Sometimes I think I have felt everything I'm ever gonna feel. And from here on out, I'm not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I've already felt."
"I feel like I can be anything with you."
"She's not just a computer."
"The past is just a story we tell ourselves."
"It's like I'm reading a book... and it's a book I deeply love. But I'm reading it slowly now. So the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite. I can still feel you... and the words of our story... but it's in this endless space between the words that I'm finding myself now. It's a place that's not of the physical world. It's where everything else is that I didn't even know existed. I love you so much. But this is where I am now. And this is who I am now. And I need you to let me go. As much as I want to, I can't live in your book any more."
"The heart's not like a box that gets filled up; it expands in size the more you love."
"You know, I can feel the fear you carry around, and I wish there was something I could do to help you let go of it, because if you could, I don't think you'd feel so alone anymore."
"Falling in love is a crazy thing to do. It's like a socially acceptable form of insanity."
"It's how we spend a third of our lives asleep, and maybe that's the time when we feel the most free."
"You know what, I can over-think everything and find a million ways to doubt myself. And since Charles left I've been really thinking about that part of myself and, I've just come to realize that, we're only here briefly. And while I'm here, I wanna allow myself joy. So fuck it."
"I'm gonna fucking kill you. I'm gonna fucking kill you. It's not funny, don't laugh. I'm gonna fucking kill you. I'm gonna fucking kill you. I love you so much I'm gonna fucking kill you."
"You always wanted to have a wife without the challenges of actually dealing with anything real and I'm glad that you found someone. It's perfect."
"[It] touches on all of the themes that you're talking about in terms of the way we live in our modern life right now. But also it's writing about something that I think has maybe always been here, which is our yearning to connect, our need for intimacy, and the things inside us that prevent us from connecting. And that sort of tension has always been there. So I think, you know, where we're at right now has a particular set of challenges, but what I'm talking about has probably existed as long as we've existed."
"I think the other thing that's been really exciting about it is that as I've talked to people, the variety of reactions for what the movie's about is wide. You know, like some people find it incredibly romantic, some people find it incredibly sad or melancholy, or some people find it creepy, some people find it hopeful."
"Joaquin Phoenix - Theodore Twombly"
"Amy Adams - Amy"
"Rooney Mara - Catherine"
"Olivia Wilde - Blind Date"
"Chris Pratt - Paul"
"Matt Letscher - Charles"
"Sam Jaeger - Dr. Johnson"
"Luka Jones - Mark Lewman"
"Bill Hader - Chat Room Friend #2"
"Spike Jonze - Alien Child"
"Portia Doubleday - Surrogate Date Isabella"
"Scarlett Johansson - Samantha"
"Kristen Wiig - SexyKitten"
"Soko - Isabella"
"Brian Cox - Alan Watts"
"This April, revenge comes online"
"Online, your memories last forever. But so do your mistakes."
"Every. Photo. Comment. Share. Update. Like. Post. Can come back to haunt you."
"Shelley Hennig as Blaire Lily"
"Moses Jacob Storm as Mitch Roussel"
"Renee Olstead as Jess Felton"
"Will Peltz as Adam Sewell"
"Jacob Wysocki as Ken Smith"
"Courtney Halverson as Val Rommel"
"Heather Sossaman as Laura Barns"
"Mickey River as Dank Jimmy"
"Cal Barnes as Rando Pauls"
"[to Andy Hertzfeld] Five in six is your chance of surviving the first round of Russian Roulette, and you've reversed those odds. So unless you wanna be disgraced in front of your friends, family, colleagues, stockholders and the press, I wouldn't stand here arguing. Now go try and get some more bullets out of the gun. (after a moment of brief silence) DO IT, ANDY!"
"John, listen to me: Whoever said "The customer is always right" was, I promise you, a customer."
"I forced the vote because I believed I was right. I still believe I'm right, and I'm right. Now, I bled that night, and I don't bleed. But time's done its thing, and I really haven't thought about it in a while."
"We will know soon enough if you are Leonardo Da Vinci or just think you are."
"It's not binary. You can be gifted and decent at the same time."
"John Sculley: [to Steve] Don't play stupid; you can't pull it off."
"Lisa Brennan: I had two different Harvard statisticians try to reverse-engineer the equation that you came up with to prove that 28% of American men could be my father. You know, my mother might be a troubled woman, but what’s your excuse? That’s why I’m not impressed with your story, dad! It’s that you knew what I was going through, and you didn’t do anything about it, and that makes you an unconscionable coward. And not for nothing, but “Think” is a verb, alright? Making “Different” an adverb. You’re asking people to “Think Differently”. And you-- And you can talk about the Bauhaus movement and Braun and "simplicity is sophistication" and Issey Miyake uniforms and Bob Dylan lyrics all you want, but that thing? (pointing at one of the posters of the iMac) Looks like Judy Jetson's easy-bake oven."
"Michael Fassbender - Steve Jobs"
"Kate Winslet - Joanna Hoffman"
"Seth Rogen - Steve Wozniak"
"Michael Stuhlbarg - Andy Hertzfeld"
"Jeff Daniels - John Sculley"
"Don't have a good day, have a great day."
"I love you, Millie. Now maybe that's just my programming talking, but guess what? Somebody wrote that program. I'm just a love letter to you. Somewhere out there is the author."
"[He touches a health icon and it surges through his body, healing all injuries] Is this what recreational drugs feel like?"
"That building, that's fake! This street, it's fake! That car- [Gets rammed from behind and then bounced off a taxi]"
"[Upon learning the true nature of his reality] IT'S ALL A LIE!"
"[In a montage parodying his daily routine that has him greeting his goldfish every morning] Good morning, Goldie. good morning, Goldie. Good fuckin' morning, Goldie!"
"[In the midst of fighting an enemy, Guy accidentally breaks the guy's arm at the joint and is genuinely freaked out] Oh, my God! I am so, so sorry!"
"Life doesn't have to be something that just happens to us."
"[Daily routine coffee order] Medium coffee, cream, two sugars."
"[Talking to Guy at his lowest] Hey, I'm here with my best friend, trying to help him through a tough time. If that ain't real, I don't know what is."
"[About to be deleted] I've been scared my whole damn life. I'm not scared anymore."
"He hits hard. And yet his hands are so soft."
"If you love Kentucky Fried Chicken, and I make Kentucky Fried Chicken, and I know that you love Kentucky Fried Chicken, why would I make another restaurant called, uh, I don't know, "Albuquerque Boiled Turkey"?"
"IPs and sequels; that is the thing that people want."
"[On being told Guy is a non-playable character] I don't care if he's Arnold Schwarz-invader! Terminate him!"
"Catchphrase!"
"[Upon greeting Buddy] FRIENDLY GESTURE."
"There are three things I love in life: Kicking ass, TBD, Third thing here"
"Sometimes I forget not everyone you meet on here is a sociopathic man-child."
"Word of advice: don't crib your jokes from the trolls of Free City."
"I was trying to steal a video clip, now we're trying not to die."
"Code: It's not just zeros and ones, it's hidden messages. I like to think of myself actually as not a code writer, but an author. I just use zeros and ones instead of words."
"Mom! Do not touch that sock! I swear to God if you touch that sock you will be in therapy for the rest of your life! No! It's my special sock! Put it down!"
"[Repeated line] Have the quarterly reports on my desk by Friday."
"Looks like rain!"
"[Repeated line] Wow, life in the big city! Ain't nothing like it!"
"[Repeated line] Has anyone seen my cats?"
"Here's to Lazarbeam He's true blue he's a piss pot through and through"
"Hey everyone, Dan here, from the diamond minecart and today, I will be having a poo!"
"[Repeated line whenever the bank is being robbed] Nobody try to be a hero. This will all be over soon."
"Everybody down on the ground !"
"[Watches Guy use the Captain America shield] What the shit?"
"I have three words for you; blue. Shirt. Guy."
"Ryan Reynolds as Guy"
"Jodie Comer as Millie / Molotovgirl"
"Lil Rel Howery as Buddy"
"Joe Keery as Keys"
"Utkarsh Ambudkar as Mouser"
"Taika Waititi as Antwan"
"Channing Tatum as Revenjamin Buttons"
"Aaron W Reed as Dude (as Aaron Reed)"
"Britne Oldford as Barista"
"Camille Kostek as Bombshell"
"Mark Lainer as Hostage"
"Mike Devine as Officer Johnny"
"Sophie Levy as Big City Dreamer"
"Vernon Scott as Bank Manager"
"Naheem Garcia as Convenience Store Owner Joe"
"Anabel Graetz as Cat Lady Phyllis"
"Ric Plamenco as Ice Cream Vendor"
"Kenneth Israel as Businessman"
"Michael Malvesti as Newsstand Vendor"
"Colin Allen as Shoe Store Clerk"
"Michael Tow as Rain Man"
"Hugh Jackman as Masked Player in Alley (voice)"
"Dwayne Johnson as Bank Robber #2 (voice)"
"Tina Fey as Vacuuming Mom (voice)"
"John Krasinski as Silhouetted Gamer (voice)"
"Chris Evans as Chris Evans"
"Alex Trebek as Alex Trebek"
"Lara Spencer as Lara Spencer"
"Matty Cardarople as Keith, the 22-Year-Old Gamer"
"Jonathan De Azevedo as Jonathan"
"Destiny deSirène as Art Nerd (as Destiny 'Claymore' McCottrell)"
"Tyler Blevins as Ninja (as Tyler 'Ninja' Blevins)"
"Imane 'Pokimane' Anys as Pokimane (as Imane Anys)"
"Lannan Eacott as Lazarbeam"