275 quotes found
"Carroll O'Connor as Archie Bunker"
"Jean Stapleton as Edith (Baines) Bunker"
"Rob Reiner as Michael "Meathead" Stivic"
"Sally Struthers as Gloria Stivic"
"Mike Evans as Lionel Jefferson"
"Isabelle Sanford as Louise Jefferson"
"Sherman Hemsley as George Jefferson"
"Betty Garrett as Irene Lorenzo"
"All in the Family Quotes and and Archie Bunker-isms"
"Bob Crane — Col. Robert E. Hogan"
"Werner Klemperer — Col. Wilhelm Klink"
"John Banner — Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz"
"Ivan Dixon — Sgt. James "Kinch" Kinchloe"
"Robert Clary — Cpl. Louis LeBeau"
"Richard Dawson — Cpl. Peter Newkirk"
"Larry Hovis — Sgt. Andrew Carter"
"Leon Askin — General Albert Burkhalter"
"Sigrid Valdis — Hilda"
"Cynthia Lynn — Helga"
"Howard Caine — Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter"
"Kenneth Washington — Sgt. Richard Baker"
"I am an actor. If I can play Richard III, I can play a Nazi."
"Who can play Nazis better than us Jews?"
"Ray Romano - Raymond "Ray" Barone"
"Patricia Heaton - Debra Barone"
"Brad Garrett - Robert Barone"
"Doris Roberts - Marie Barone"
"Peter Boyle - Frank Barone"
"Madylin Sweeten - Ally Barone"
"Sawyer Sweeten - Geoffrey Barone"
"Sullivan Sweeten - Michael Barone"
"Monica Horan - Amy MacDougall Barone"
"Bob Denver - Gilligan"
"Alan Hale Jr. - Captain Jonas Grumby ("The Skipper")"
"Jim Backus - Thurston Howell III"
"Natalie Schafer - "Lovey" Wentworth-Howell"
"Tina Louise - Ginger Grant"
"Russell Johnson - Professor Roy Hinkley, Ph.D. ("The Professor")"
"Dawn Wells - Mary Ann Summers"
""Call the man!" - Andy Taylor, after the freezer went out at home and Aunt Bee needed a place to keep her meat."
""You beat everything Barney, you know that?" Andy to Barney Season 3 Episode 6"
""But don't the trees sound nice and full?" Andy referring to the birds Opie has just let go. In 'Opie:The Birdman'."
""You look good enough to take to Chinatown!" (referring to Aunt Bee) in Season 5, Episode 5"
""Well, you and Aunt Bee is havin' fried chicken. And, I'm having crow..." [in answer to Opie's questions what's for dinner after Andy realized he was terribly in the wrong about something he thought Opie did]."
"Here at THE ROCK, we have two basic rules. The first rule is: OBEY ALL RULES. Secondly: Do not write on the walls, as takes a lot of work...to erase writing...OFF of walls. Now as we tell all men when these doors shut behind them, you are starting a new life. If you are wise, you'll begin rehabilitation."
"Jay walking is rampant!"
"Of course you smell gas. What do you think this car runs on, coal?"
"Deputy Barney Fife: Nip it! Nip it in the bud!"
""You got to spend a quid and some bobs to get anything good these days." Barney talking with Andy and Malcom Merriwether in 'The Return of Malcom Merriwether'."
""Well, where there's smoke there's firewater." Barney to Andy in 'Aunt Bee's Medicine Man.'"
""Maybe this will explain why Aunt Bee's feeling so good." Barney to Andy in 'Aunt Bee's Medicine Man.'"
""Sure Mike, sure." Barney drunkenly says to Andy after Otis spikes the spring water in 'Barney and the Governor.'"
"Citizen's arr-ay-est!, citizen's arr-ay-est!, citizen's arr-ay-est!" -- Said by Gomer Pyle (actor Jim Nabors) to Barney Fife (actor Don Knotts) in the episode aptly titled "Citizen's Arrest."
"You're a boob, Gomer!" -- Barney Fife, in "Citizen's Arrest"
""Sha-zay-um!" -- Gomer Pyle (southern for "Shazam!")"
""Go-o-lly!" -- Gomer Pyle"
""Judy Judy Judy" -- Goober does his "Cary Grant" impression."
"Otis: [speaking of how his mouth feels] Shooby, shooby, shooby."
""Where's my plaque? Give me my plaque." -- Barney describing how Otis is going to arrive at the mayor's office to receive an award."
"Well, now, maybe I didn't see that there line because I wasn't wearing my specs. Drunk or sober, I can't tell much without my glasses!"
"Ernest T. Bass: It's me, it's me. It's Ernest T.!!"
"Brisco Darling (referring to Ernest T. Bass) -- "We thought about killin' him... didn't want to go that far.""
"Emma Brand: To think I voted for you last election; never even considered nobody else! BAD, BAD SHERIFF! (upon her frustration of Andy refusing to help her get her pills)"
"NAUGHTY DEPUTY! (after Andy drops Barney's charges of arresting her for jaywalking)"
"Otis: [singing childlike to Barney who out of pride voluntarily put himself in the other cell] "Barney's in Jail! Barney's in Jail!""
"Barney: Wanted posters came in, Andy."
"Andy: Oh, good. File 'em, will you, Barn?"
"Barney: (reading posters) Let's see what we got here. "Henry 'Shopping Bag' Leonetti. Grand Larceny; $4,000 reward." "Max 'The Tongue' Rasmussen. Grand Theft Auto; reward $1,500." "Benjamin Schuster, alias Benjy Schus, alias Benny Schut. Forgery; reward $3,000." You know what this means, Andy?"
"Andy: What?"
"Barney: 8,500 American silver cartwheels right in our hands; only one small hitch."
"Andy: We don't know where they are."
"Barney: Right!"
"Andy: Well, no wonder it's quiet in town; the whole population's in here!"
"Barney: Yeah, like I promised you, Sheriff. Law and order kept in Mayberry this here day!"
"Andy: It must've been kept more this here day than all the other days put together!"
"Barney: I had them, Andy! I had them all dead to rights! You can check the manual! Every one of them was as guilty as sin!"
"Andy: Listen to me, Barney. Listen to me just a minute. Now it's true you had them all dead to rights by the book. But now if you went strictly by the book, why I don't reckon we'd have anything in this country but about 180 million jailbirds."
"Barney: Yeah; I guess you're right. I was just trying to show you how much you could trust me."
"Andy: I know you did, and I appreciate that, but maybe you tried just a bit too hard."
"Mayor Pike: Oh, it's an outrage, Sheriff! That's what it is! An outrage!"
"Andy: What'd you do? Drop a net over the whole town?"
"Barney: Just about! [chuckles]"
"Otis: Well, now; maybe I didn't see that there line because I wasn't wearing my specs. Drunk or sober, I can't tell nothin' much without my glasses."
"Andy: Well, were you drunk when Deputy Fife arrested you?"
"Otis: I can't tell! I wasn't wearing my glasses!"
"Andy: I'm afraid I'm going to have to dismiss him, Barney. You can go, Otis."
"Otis: Thanks, Andy."
"Aunt Bee: I was standing in front of the courthouse chatting with a group of ladies."
"Barney: Now that's unlawful assemblage in my book!"
"Andy: Well..."
"Barney: I asked them to move along, but Aunt Bee kept right on talking! So I asked her again, and she said, "Stop interrupting!" Then another lady opened her umbrella; now that's inciting a riot!"
"[The people laugh.]"
"Andy: Well, now, Barney, you could have overlooked it, seeing as how the women always do congregate in front of the courthouse down here, and seeing as how it was Aunt Bee..."
"Aunt Bee: Oh, overlook, nothing! He was too busy yelling, "There will be no favoritism in Barney Fife's administration!""
"Opie: Are you going to fingerprint me, Barney?"
"Aunt Bee: Oh, don't joke, honey! He's liable to send you up to state prison!"
"[The people laugh again as Aunt Bee and Opie exit the courthouse.]"
"Clarabelle Morrison: Oh, look; there's the Sheriff. Good."
"Jennifer Morrison: Let's go in!"
"Clarabelle: Jennifer! You will be the death of me yet! How many times must I tell you? A lady never goes into a barber shop!"
"Jennifer: I'm sorry, Clarabelle; I keep forgetting. It's just that the odor of witch hazel atones me."
"Clarabelle: Jennifer, you have got to control yourself!"
"Jennifer: But we've got to tell the Sheriff what we know."
"Clarabelle: Well, we will. We'll wait outside for him."
"Barney: "Let's you and me dance.""
"Maude (escaped convict): "What made you change your mind?""
"Barney: "You're beginning to get to me.""
"Maude: "You're a treasure!" (laughs)"
"Andy Griffith as Andy Taylor"
"Ronny Howard as Opie Taylor"
"Don Knotts as Barney Fife"
"Elinor Donahue as Ellie Walker"
"Frances Bavier as Aunt Bee"
"Hal Smith as Otis Campbell"
"People yakkity yak a streak and waste your time of day But Mister Ed will never speak unless he has something to say."
"Mr. Ed: My name is Mr. Ed!"
"Wilbur: What kind of name is Ed for a horse? Mr. Ed: What kind of name is Wilbur for a man?"
"Love is all around, no need to waste it. You can have the town, why don't you take it? You might just make it after all."
"Love is all around, no need to waste it. You can have the town, why don't you take it? You're gonna make it after all."
"Mary Tyler Moore — Mary Richards"
"Ed Asner — Lou Grant"
"Gavin MacLeod — Murray Slaughter"
"Ted Knight — Ted Baxter"
"Valerie Harper — Rhoda Morgenstern"
"Cloris Leachman — Phyllis Lindstrom"
"Georgia Engel — Georgette Franklin"
"Betty White — Sue Ann Nivens"
"One of these days... One of these days... (He shoots his fist up) POW! Right in the kisser!"
"Hamina-hamina-hamina-hamina."
"(To Alice, gesturing with his fist) Bang, zoom!"
"(To Norton) You... are a mental case."
"(To Alice's mother after she gives away the mystery ending of a play Ralph was planning to go to that evening) YOU...ARE A BLABBERMOUTH!!!!!! A BLAAAAAAAAAAABBERMOUTH!!!!!!! YOU!!! BLABBERMOUTH!!!!!"
"(To Alice) You're gonna get yours!"
"(To Alice at the end of many episodes) Baby, you're the greatest."
"I've got a BIG MOUTH!!"
"BANG, ZOOM! To the moon, Alice!"
"Somewhere, there's a strait jacket waitin' for that man."
"A mere bag of shells."
"Pins and needles, needles and pins. It's a happy man that grins."
"You're a riot, Alice! A regular riot!"
"(about Ralph) Sheesh! What a grouch!"
"Hey, Ralphie boy!"
"(in The Golfer, Norton is teaching Ralph how to play golf) First, you step up and address the ball. (To golf ball) Hello, ball!"
"(in A Matter of Record) In the words of the immortal bard, Shakespeare, "There are three times in a man's life when he wants to be alone: one, when he's communing with his thoughts; two, when he's being tender with his wife; and three, when he's in the isolation booth on The $64,000 Question.""
"Like we say in the sewer: "Time and tide wait for no man.""
"(In response to Ralph being temporarily laid off) I know just how you feel because I went through the same thing two or three years ago when they laid me off from the sewer. I felt just like a fish out of water."
"(Norton has been fired from his job) Ol' Ed Norton, reliable ol' Ed Norton, working 17 years in the sewer. And now everything's down the drain!"
"(in A Matter of Life and Death) Don't touch me, Ralph. I'm sterile."
"(in TV or Not TV) Official space helmet on, Captain Video!"
"Va va va voom!"
"I don't possess a mansion, a villa in France, a yacht, or a string of polo ponies."
"Only myself to blame. My mother warned me."
"(To Ralph): Ahhhh, shaddap!"
"(To Ralph): The biggest thing you ever got into was your pants."
"(To Ralph): I don't wanna look at that icebox, that stove, that sink, and these four walls. I wanna look at Liberace!"
"(Ralph states that his mother-in-law said this): I'm not losing a daughter, I'm gaining a TON."
"Alice: I'll go fix my lipstick. I won't be gone long, Killer. I call you Killer 'cause you slay me. Ralph: And I'm calling Bellevue 'cause you're nuts!"
"(Ralph can't remove a ring from his finger) Ralph: Isn't there any lard around here? Alice: Yeah, about 300 pounds. Ralph: Oh, you're gonna get yours!"
"Ralph: Me and my silly pride. Well, I promise you this, Norton: I'm gonna learn. I'm gonna learn from here on out how to swallow my pride. Norton: Well, that ought not to be too hard; you've learned how to swallow everything else. Ralph: GET OUT!"
"Ralph: Peanuts! Peanuts, Alice! What am I supposed to do with peanuts? Alice: Eat 'em, like any other elephant!"
"Ralph: You're the type of person that would bend waaaaay over to pick up a purse on April Fools' Day. I wouldn't. Alice: You couldn't."
"(Ralph is outraged that he and Alice now have a phone) Ralph: What's the matter, is yelling out the window too good for you now? Was it raining out? Alice: Yelling out the window is bad manners. Ralph: Don't you make any nasty remarks about my mother. She's been yelling out the window for 80 years! Alice: Yeah? And before she lost her voice, there were more people listening to her than to Amos 'n' Andy."
"Ralph: Don't start that again, Alice. No wife of mine is gonna work. I got my pride. You know, no Kramden woman has ever supported her husband. The Kramden men are the workers in the family. Alice: Wait a minute, Ralph. What about your father? For a long time there he didn't work at all. Ralph: But neither did my mother. At least he kept his pride, Alice. He went on relief."
"Alice: What am I supposed to tell my mother when you're not here? Ralph: I don't care. Tell her I ran off and joined the circus. Alice: What as, an elephant? Ralph: Oh, you're a riot, Alice, a regular riot. I'll bet you got the whole building laughing. Ha, ha, ho, ho! You know, you're the one ought to join the circus. You ought to be in the circus. You'd be funnier than that Emmett Kelly, the clown they got there. Much funnier. In fact, you look a little bit like him. All except for one thing: the big red nose. [cocks his fist at Alice] And you might get that before this is over."
"[Ralph is trying to assert his intentions on staying in their frozen, candlelit apartment to Alice, after their apartment's heat and electricity had been cut off] Ralph: I'm the general. And what I say goes! Alice: (dripping sarcasm) Then you better say, "Alice," 'cause I'm goin'!"
"Norton: Ralph? Ralph: What? Norton: Mind if I smoke? Ralph: I don't care if you burn."
"[Ralph and Norton are reading scripts for a play they're rehearsing for] Norton: (reading from the script) I don't possess a mansion or a villa in France or a yacht or a string of poloponies. Ralph: (reading) I'm glad to hear... [He stops suddenly] "A string of poloponies"? Where do you see that? Norton: (pointing) Right there, "a string of poloponies". Ralph: That's "a string of POLO PONIES"!"
"Ralph: That's the trouble with you, Alice. You don't know the latest developments! Alice: I don't know the latest developments??! Who is it that lets your pants out every other day??"
"Even more revolutionary than the scorn for violence between men is the scorn for violence against women. Many baby boomers are nostalgic for The Honeymooners, a 1950s sitcom featuring Jackie Gleason as a burly bus driver whose get-rich-quick schemes are ridiculed by his sensible wife, Alice. In one of the show’s recurring laugh lines, an enraged Ralph shakes his fist at her and bellows, “One of these days, Alice, one of these days . . . POW, right in the kisser!” (Or sometimes “Bang, zoom, straight to the moon!”) Alice always laughs it off, not because she has contempt for a wife-beater but because she knows that Ralph is not weak enough to do it. Nowadays our sensitivity to violence against women makes this kind of comedy in a mainstream television program unthinkable."
"Betty White - Rose Nylund"
"Rue McClanahan - Blanche Devereaux"
"Estelle Getty - Sophia Petrillo"
"Don Cheadle - Roland Wilson"
"Billy L. Sullivan - Oliver Webb"
"Cheech Marin - Chuy Castillos"
"And I understand that Dick Stuart, old Dr. Strangeglove, would smooth his uniform carefully, adjust his cap, tighten his belt and say, ‘I add 20 points to my average if I know I look bitchin’ out there."
"Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Christine Campbell (aka Old Christine)"
"Wanda Sykes - Barbara 'Barb' Daran"
"Clark Gregg - Richard Campbell"
"Hamish Linklater - Matthew Kimble"
"Trevor Gagnon - Ritchie Campbell"
"Emily Rutherfurd - New Christine"
"Tricia O'Kelley - Marly Ehrhardt"
"Alex Kapp Horner - Lindsay"
"Kat Dennings – Max Black"
"Beth Behrs – Caroline Channing"
"Garrett Morris – Earl Washington"
"Jonathan Kite – Oleg Golishevsky"
"Matthew Moy – Han "Bryce" Lee"
"Jennifer Coolidge – Sophie Kachinsky"
"I can't be anything without you."
"Anna Faris - Christy Plunkett (seasons 1-7)"
"Allison Janney - Bonnie Plunkett"
"Sadie Calvano - Violet Plunkett (regular season 1-3, recurring season 4)"
"Nate Corddry - Gabriel (regular seasons 1-2)"
"Matt L. Jones - Baxter (regular season 1-3, recurring season 4)"
"French Stewart - Chef Rudy (regular season 1-2, recurring season 6-7)"
"Spencer Daniels - Luke (regular seasons 1-2)"
"Blake Garrett Rosenthal - Roscoe (regular season 1-3, recurring season 4)"
"Mini Kennedy - s Marjorie Armstrong (recurring season 1, regular season 2-8)"
"Jaime Pressly - Jill Kendall (recurring season 2, regular season 3-8)"
"Beth Hall - Wendy Harris (recurring season 2, regular season 3-8)"
"Billy Gardell - Robert "Bob" Wheeler"
"Folake Olowofoyeku - Abishola Bolatito Doyinsola Oluwatoyin Adebambo"
"Christine Ebersole - Dorothy "Dottie" Wheeler"
"Matt Jones - Douglas Wheeler"
"Maribeth Monroe - Christina Wheeler"
"Shola Adewusi - Oluwatoyin "Olu" Ifedayo Olatunji"
"Barry Shabaka Henley - Babatunde "Tunde" Olatunji"
"Travis Wolfe Jr. - Dele Babatunde Adebambo"
"Vernee Watson - Gloria Tyler"
"Gina Yashere - Kemi"
"Bayo Akinfemi - Goodwin Aderibigbe Olayiwola"
"Anthony Okungbowa - Kofo Olanipekun"
"La-la-ba-dee-dah, la-la-ba-dee-dah For the first time in my life, I see love"
"Jaime Camil - Javier"
"Pauley Perrette - Jackie Dixon"
"Natasha Leggero - Elizabeth"
"Izzy Diaz - Luis Dominguez"
"Antonio Raul Corbo - Sammy"
"Al Madrigal - Derek"
"Fred Stoller - Keith"
"Kyle Bornheimer - Barry"
"Mark Feuerstein - Josh Roberts"
"Elliott Gould - Harry Roberts"
"Linda Lavin - Judy Roberts"
"Liza Lapira - Eve Roberts"
"David Walton - Andrew Roberts"
"Albert Tsai - Ian"
"Matt Murray - Nick"
"Imagine me and you, I do I think about you day and night It’s only right, we’re so Happy together"
"Patrick Warburton - Jeff Bingham"
"Megyn Price - Audrey Bingham"
"Oliver Hudson - Adam Rhodes"
"Bianca Kajlich - Jennifer Morgan"
"David Spade - Russell Dunbar"
"Adhir Kalyan - Timir "Timmy" Patel"
"I am not your ordinary guy."
"Don't want no sweet perfume. Check your fender, bust your moon. Don't want no high heel shoes. I just don't want no."
"Jay R. Ferguson - Chip Curry"
"Lindsey Kraft - Leslie Curry"
"Ian Gomez - Father Gene"
"David Krumholtz - Rabbi Gil Ableman"
"Tony Rock - Vince"
"Camryn Manheim - Ms. Meadows"
"Sara Gilbert - Cheryl"
"Thomas Middleditch - Drew Dunbar"
"Annaleigh Ashford - Gina Dabrowski"
"Kether Donohue - Gabby"
"Sara Rue - Julia Dunbar (season 1; guest season 2)"
"Izzy G - Madeline "Maddie" Dunbar (season 1; guest season 2)"
"Terrence Terrell - Eli Russell (season 1; recurring season 2)"
"David Anthony Higgins - Jerry Platt (season 2; recurring season 1)"
"Darryl Stephens - Gideon (season 2; recurring season 1)"
"Linda Lavin - Norma Goldman (season 2; recurring season 1)"
"Don't you think you want to be just a little more like me Oh woah oh"
"David Krumholtz - Joe Goodman"
"Michael Urie - Louis McManus"
"Sophia Bush - Ali Landow"
"Brandon Routh - Wyatt Plank"
"Adhir Kalyan - Al"
"Parker Young - Riley"
"Elizabeth Alderfer - Lizzie"
"Kelli Goss - Vanessa"
"Dean Norris - Art"
"Farrah Mackenzie - Hazel"
"Pete Holmes - Tom Smallwood"
"Chi McBride - Archie Betts"
"Katie Lowes - Jen Smallwood"
"Julie White - Helen Smallwood"
"Mason Wells - Sam Smallwood"
"Damon Wayans - Poppa"
"Damon Wayans Jr. - Damon"
"Essence Atkins - Ivy"
"Tetona Jackson - Nina"