242 quotes found
"[reading obituary] Ooh-la-la, what have we got here? The Maitlands. [laughs] Cute couple. Look nice and stupid, too! [more laughing]"
"Let's turn on the juice and see what shakes loose."
"[calmly] Ah, well, I attended Juilliard, I am a graduate of the Harvard Business School, I travel quite extensively, I lived through the Black Plague and I had a pretty good time during that, [getting aggressively more demented] I've seen The Exorcist about 167 TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTIN' FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT! NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKIN' TO A DEAD GUY! NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK?! [calmly] You think I'm qualified?"
"[after his head spins] Don't you hate it when that happens?"
"I'll eat anything you want me to eat, I'll swallow anything you want me to swallow, so come on down and I'll...chew on a dog! [howls]"
"Hey, these aren't my rules! Come to think of it, I don't have any rules!"
"YOU BUNCHA LOSERS!!! YOU'RE WORKIN' WITH A PROFESSIONAL HERE!!! [kicks over a tree; quietly observes it for a moment] NICE FUCKIN' MODEL!!!! [grabs his crotch and squeezes it twice with a bike horn sound]"
"Attention, K-Mart shoppers!"
"Thank you. Thank you. That, is why I won't do two shows a night anymore, babe, I won't."
"[to Otho] Not so fast, round boy. We're gonna have some laughs! [Kisses Otho on the cheek and laughs]"
"We come for your daughter, Chuck."
"I'm the ghost with the most, babe."
"Nobody says the "B" word."
"It's showtime!"
"Well...what do we got here tonight, kids? [sees the Maitlands] Oooo, well, we got the, uh, Maitlands. Uh, I think, uh, they've had enough "exorcise" for tonight. [mimes a golf swing and the Maitlands fall onto the floor]"
"[last lines; talking to a witch doctor] Pardon me. [referring to Harry the Hunter] Did you do that? Nice work. Lemme ask you somethin'. How do you get 'em so small? [Distracting the witch doctor] There goes Elvis! Yo, King! [witch doctor looks away, he switches his ticket with witch doctor's] Well, looks like I'm next. Good thing, too. ("
"My whole life is a darkroom. [slowly, for effect] One. Big. Dark. Room."
"[realizing that Adam and Barbara are ghosts] The funeral. God. You guys really are dead."
"Charles, I will not stop living and breathing art just because you need to relax. I'm here with you. I will live with you in this hellhole, but I must express myself. If you don't let me gut out this house and make it my own, I WILL GO INSANE AND I WILL TAKE YOU WITH ME!!!"
"[about Beryl] Don't mind her. She's still upset because someone dropped a house on her sister."
"We're ghosts!"
"Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!"
"I wanted him to be pure electricity, that's why the hair just sticks out. At my house I started creating a walk and a voice. I got some teeth. I wanted to be scary in the look and then use the voice to add a dash of goofiness that, in a way, would make it even scarier. I wanted something kind of moldy to it, too. Tim had the striped-suit idea and we added the big eyes. I think that movie will go forever because it's 100% original."
"In This House... If You've Seen One Ghost... You Haven't Seen Them All."
"He's guaranteed to put some life, in your afterlife."
"Say it once... Say it twice... But we dare you to say it THREE TIMES!"
"The name in laughter from the hereafter."
"Michael Keaton — Betelgeuse"
"Alec Baldwin — Adam Maitland"
"Geena Davis — Barbara Maitland"
"Winona Ryder — Lydia Deetz"
"Catherine O'Hara — Delia Deetz"
"Jeffrey Jones — Charles Deetz"
"Glenn Shadix — Otho"
"Sylvia Sidney — Juno"
"Dick Cavett — Bernard"
"Robert Goulet - Maxie Dean"
"Annie McEnroe - Jane Butterfield"
"Hi, how are ya?"
"Hmm, something's rotten in the Neitherworld... (smells himself) besides me."
"(Disguised as a witch) Fellow babes! I just flew in for the ball and boy is my broom tired! But seriously I'm gonna liven up this party if it kills me, again!"
"(After going through a car wash) Lyds, I'm... clean! AAH!"
"I can't believe it! He [Doomie] didn't cheat! Oh, where did I go right?!"
"It's Good Neighbor Day and the law says everyone has to be... NICE!"
"Don't ya hate it when that happens?"
"The last laugh, you know I love it!"
"Now I can go back to being as gross and disgusting as I like!"
"Moral dilemmas, you know I hate 'em!"
"If anyone thanks me again, I'll SCREAM!"
"(asking the audience to give him their money) Come on, it's for a good cause: ME!"
"Low ratings, you know I hate 'em!"
"Now here's something you don't see everyday."
"So long, suckers!"
"Whoa! So that's why cowboys have bow legs."
"Hmm... uh, listen, Lyds. I got to go. I, uh, have to feed my fish... to my piranha! Ha! Squeeze ya later."
"So, c'mon, kid. Get on the ball."
"Responsibility, you know I hate it!"
"Look, I've got a problem, maybe you could help me out. I've got these friends I said I'd meet and it's the kind'a thing where I got to be there in person…"
"NO! I'VE BEEN TURNED INTO A LEAN, MEAN, CLEANING MACHINE! HELP!"
"Check this out... a mid-summer night scream."
"Oh, that Claire, she really gets my dandruf up."
"She's got to be outta my mind by now."
"Hey, they can't keep us apart."
"Got you, babes!"
"Hey, now, wait a minute! This skunk really bugs me."
"Rule number one for pulling pranks without getting caught is... be invisible!"
"What? How come you always think I have somethin' up my sleeve?"
"Oh, the magic B-word! Say it again. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon... I dare ya!"
"Now all I need are some cute little suckers to sell my cookies to some big dumb suckers!"
"When I get my hands on that cricket, IT'S SNACK TIME!"
"NO! (when asked if he ever changes his underwear)"
"HEY, BRAINLESS! OVER HERE! (to his body while his head is separate from it)"
"We're gonna take our cause to the people! And not just for the people. We'll take it to the downtrodden! The vegetable! The mineral! The disgusting! The failed science experiments! Four-legged creepies! The birds! The bees! The trees! The knees!"
"Not yet?! We're already halfway through this story, and you still haven't introduced the bad guy!! (when playing Captain Ahab in Moby Dick)"
"I know! Couldn't they find a better picture [for my wanted poster]? I'm smiling!"
"(to Lydia) Babes, his music stinks worse than I do! (smells himself) Well, not quite."
"Not only will I be revered, I'LL BE FILTHY, STINKIN' RICH! As opposed to just being filthy and stinkin. Heh heh heh.."
"Deadly Vu!"
"Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! BEETLEJUICE!"
"Alright, Beetlejuice, what' s the scam?"
"(referring to Delia) Dad and I are the only ones who like her art-and I'm not too sure about Dad!"
"Do I have to join the Neitherworld club?"
"I'm gonna spook Beetlejuice with the ultimate scare scheme! As soon as I can think of it."
"Hey, that's not a good idea, BJ."
"They're wrecking the whole house! Duck!"
"They say 'practice makes pukey'!"
"Beetlejuice! I've never seen you look this bad!"
"Come on, you guys. There's no monster in this tree. That's just a story the kids in school made up. This is a great tree. I love this tree."
"Beetlejuice, Father was half-asleep... thank goodness."
"That isn't funny! That tree is alive... and those men are going to kill it!"
"Miss Shannon, can I be excused?"
"Beetlejuice, have you seen a doctor about this problem of yours?"
"Romeo, don't step on my spiders!"
"I'm really babysitting now... AND IT'S NOT WORTH TWO DOLLARS AN HOUR!!"
"You like it!"
"Don't be ridiculous, Charles!"
"Rubbish! Don't be such a stupid baby, just eat your soup and then you will be excused."
"Why Charles! Whatever is the matter?"
"Really, Charles. I suggest you phone a proper repair man."
"That's Beetleman, Dear. I'm taking your father for a nice, relaxing walk. Now, don't you bother Mr. Beetleman."
"Well, pay the man, Charles."
"What is that thing?"
"Lydia, dinner!"
"Lydia, go to your room, right now!"
"Sweety, I'm home."
"Being nervous makes me nervous!"
"It's the whole darn town!"
"Monitor Head 2: What do you mean commercials can't be released on the video unless you are the one with the people's voices!"
"Monitor Head 1: I'm not a fat looser like you!"
"Monitor Head 4: It's all about ratings."
"All Monitor Heads: Get a move on!"
"Yuk! That's Disgustin'!"
"Did I win or did I lose?"
"Nyah - ha - ha - haa!"
"Oh No you don't! You will not turn me into warewolf!"
"That blonde haired ghoul is gonna cut off my head."
"That wasn't very cute!"
"Wanna buy some cookies!"
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
"Beep! Beep! Beep!"
"Hello Mon Ami, ya lookin' for a nice preeetty girl?"
"Ooh La La! Look at that preeeeeetty looking ladeeeee!"
"Sacre Bleu!"
"Alouette jogging Alouette..."
"Are you Beeeeetlejuice?"
"It is 'azar-dous to your 'ealth."
"Hey, kids! Are we gonna have some fun?"
"Okay, boys and girls, are we ready for some jokes?"
"Whoa! That's the hottest cold I've ever seen!"
"Food fight!"
"Hey, what happened?! I hope it was funny! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!"
"Hey Beetlejuice! Your burgers are so bad, they oughta be spanked!"
"What is your favourite color? Tell me!"
"Huh! Is my name Lipscum spelled backwards Mucspil?"
"What is your name? Answer me!"
"Hey. Beetlejuice spelled backwards is Eciujelteeb!"
"Can I huh? Can I Can I Can I?"
"Ba dum-bum!"
"Arrrr! Look who what we've got, Ed."
"Cross the river bridge, mate."
"What do you mean the library's closed?"
"That's not funny, Claire."
"Uh, does this mean we'll be closing the play?"
"You're getting dangerous, kid!"
"But Lydia, I think you should try out for the part of Juliette."
"Miss Shannon! I don't feel so good."
"I've always wanted to be a rock star!"
"Relax, Bertha. You know why Miss Shannon wants you to do homework."
"Looks like the best girl won, honey."
"I am going to get that Lydia Deetz."
"Uh, like, it's about time! You are ten second late. Now, get lost!"
"Shut up! I am not a sore loser."
"Well, you can find yourself another Julia."
"Like, aren't I just the most?"
"What kind of a name is BEETLEJUICE?"
"I mean, really have you ever heard of such a ridiculous name as Beetlejuice?"
"Like, thanks for the invitation, Lydia. Perhaps the ingroup and I will drop by your party early, for a good laugh."
"Anyone who isn't in your group."
"Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeowwwwwwww!"
"All right, girls, our very first science fair today. Guess who's forgotten."
"Can I help you, Prudence?"
"Now off to your classes, ladies."
"I want you to keep staging it the rest of the week, just as you did it last night."
"Okay, girls, we're going to have show and tell."
"How improper."
"Bertha, I am not satisfied with you. You did not share with any of your friends."
"Beetleguts! You're fired!"
"Would you please stand on that X over there?"
"Oh, all right. You're free to go… as far away as possible!"
"What are you, some kind of sicko? We can get rid of this disgusting creep forever."
"If you do not follow those rules, I will let you get away from the Neitherworld forever!"
"Miss Shannon! Somebody is bothering me!"
"What's so funny?!"
"Stop laughing! That's ridiculous!"
"Prudence, of course it'll be scary. It's Lydia's party."
"Miss Shannon! Can I wash my hands please?"
"Put a sock in it, you idiot!"
"Is there anything new other than comic books?"
"Someone used this ruler to throw your beehive on stage."
"The juice is loose."
"I swear on my dead mother's soul."
"Bob, you and the boys stand guard. Nobody gets through."
"I'm needed upstairs. Bob, hold down the fort."
"I've never seen that chick before in my life or afterlife."
"You know, Bob, long distance relationships can be difficult, especially when one of you is dead and the other is ignoring you for thirty years. But Lydia and I, we have definite psychic connection, and I'll tell you something, she definitely saw me that last time. I felt a little tingle."
"Spill your guts. Who wants to go first? Alright, I will. [opens his shirt and his guts spill out like eels] See? I'm willing to do the work."
"First of all, I want you two kids know, this is a safe space, okay? Feel free to express yourself. Don't be afraid. I sense an enabler here, but we'll get to that."
"Really? Is this a figment of your imagination?"
"Really more nightmare material."
"We'd like to thank you all for coming to this very special occasion, but right now, I would like a little privacy."
"My ex-wife is back."
"Guilty as charged."
"What the (bleep)?"
"Hey, I'm into some freaky shit myself. But even I have my limitations."
"I think it was Dostoevsky that said..."Later, fucker!""
"Should've got married in Vegas."
"[Last lines] I just had the weirdest dream."
"[first lines] Come on in, if you dare. The living. The dead. Can they co-exist? That's what we're here to find out."
"Confronting the unknown, conquering your fears, there's nothing harder."
"When I was a teenager, a trickster demon terrorized my entire family and tried to force me to marry him, in order to come back to the real world for good. I believed he was gone forever, and then lately, I have been seeing him again. And now, he is actually back. And I don't know why, or how, or what to do."
"If you say his name three times, he will appear."
"Don't ever say that name!"
"Home! Home! Home!"
"I can't believe I'm doing this. Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!"
"I need you to help me save my daughter. But how do I know that you're gonna keep your word?"
"I want you out of my life!"
"[Ending her ghost talk show] I want to thank you all ghosties out there for all your support over the years, but this is my last show. I've spent so much time talking to the dead, it's time I started living. I want to make memories with people I love, rather than be haunted by them later."
"When you're all on your third kid and second divorce, we'll see who gets the last laugh."
"My mom grew up here, that old house on the hill."
"Sometimes, I think life is harder."
"Pain and suffering are always inevitable."
"Ghosts aren't real. Only gullible people believe that kind of crap."
"I swear, the Afterlife is so random."
"I'm trying to capture the perfect primal scream. I'm going to blow it up, mount it on the wall, and I invite all of you to do the same."
"Astrid! Stop torturing your mother!"
"I know this is a big step for you, but in the words of Dr. Glickman, I'm going to give you the push you need."
"You're a figment of my imagination."
"You're that thing from my dream!"
"Where is Beetlejuice?"
"BEETLEJUICE!!!"
"Your soul belongs to me, my love, for eternity!"
"Where's Beetlejuice?!"
"I made a hard target search for Beetlejuice."
"[Shows Beetlejuice a picture of Delores] Recognize this puss?"
"Lay low, Mr. Juice. She's a soul sucker."
"A live one broke into the Afterlife?"
"The wait is almost over."
"You've waited an eternity for this."
"The ghost with the most is back."
"Worth the wait."
"I dare you to say it a third time."
"— Lydia Deetz"
"— Delia Deetz"
"Jenna Ortega — Astrid Deetz"
"Monica Bellucci — Delores"
"Willem Dafoe — Wolf Jackson"
"— Father Damien"
"— Afterlife Janitor"
"Arthur Conti — Jeremy"
"Filipe Cates — Vlad"