29 quotes found
"You talk to me like a woman, you think like a woman. Nick, come on, admit it. You're totally and completely gay!"
"You know what's the difference between a wife and a job? After fifteen years, a job still sucks."
"[Imitating Sean Connery from The Hunt for Red October ] "Adver-sary?" Surely, you mean "adversary", old boy?"
"There's way too much estrogen on TV these days."
"[Examining the contents of the box that Darcy gave to find inspiration] "Nobody panic, this is supposed to be fun." Alright, I can do this, I'm a professional. [Reaches into the box and pulls out..] Lipstick, alright. Lipstick on a guy's collar? No, women will hate that. Lipstick on a guy's collar that won't rub off. No, that's much worse. Okay, I need to start thinking like a broad. [Closes his eyes] Alright, I'm a broad. I see lipstick...[Sniffs the lipstick] on a dark-haired Tahitian beauty standing under a waterfall, wearing nothing but a thong, and water cascading down her back- [His eyes shoot open] I'm a lesbian!"
"[Drunkedly singing along with the song Bitch ] I'm a bitch, I'm a mother, I'm a brother, it's confusing, as I volumize my hair, and I am not aware..."
"[After going through a painful attempt to wax his leg hair] Women are insane. Who would do that more than once? ...Why would they do the other leg?"
"Why do guys like to do it in front of a mirror? Because "objects appear larger than they actually are"."
"You know that whole deal about "penis envy"? Not true. No. Half of women don't even like it. You know who has penis envy? We do. That's why we cheat and we lie, because we're all obsessed with our own equipment!"
"[presenting the Nike ad to their executives, providing the narration for the ad, with Darcy and Wanamaker observing] You don't stand in front of a mirror before a run and wonder what the road will think of your outfit. You don't have to listen to its jokes and pretend that they're funny in order to run on it. It would not be easier to run if you dressed sexier. The road doesn't notice if you're not wearing lipstick, does not care how old you are. You do not feel uncomfortable because you make more money than the road. And you can call on the road whenever you feel like it, whether it's been a day or even a couple of hours since your last date. The only thing the road cares about...is that you pay it a visit once in a while. Nike: No games, just sports."
"I don't want that to be it. I don't want that to be it at all."
"Then don't let a little thing like me firing you stand in your way."
"What kind of knight in shining armor would I be if the man I love needs rescuing and I just let him walk out my door?"
"[Thinking] I'm flirting, what is wrong with me? [turns around and looks away, then back at him, but...] Oh, God, I just looked at his penis! I just hope he didn't see me... [Nick ruffles his pants; Darcy covers her eyes with her hands as Nick laughs] Oh shit, I just looked at it again! Stop it!"
"My dad? He's always been...like an uncle to me. Yeah, Uncle Dad."
"I think this is the one! '[thinking] I can't believe this it what I'll be wearing the last night I'm a virgin! ...Or should I say, what I'll be taking off?'"
"Mel Gibson as Nick Marshall"
"Helen Hunt as Darcy McGuire"
"Marisa Tomei as Lola"
"Alan Alda as Dan Wanamaker"
"Ashley Johnson as Alexandra 'Alex' Marshall"
"Mark Feuerstein as Morgan Farwell"
"Lauren Holly as Gigi"
"Delta Burke as Eve"
"Valerie Perrine as Margo"
"Judy Greer as Erin"
"Sarah Paulson as Annie"
"Ana Gasteyer as Sue Cranston"
"Diana-Maria Riva as Stella"