22 quotes found
"You've been planning an alien invasion... in my Costco?"
"Here's the best case scenario: he's a lonely old man, he wants to waltz, he wants to listen to some of the old songs from his childhood. Worst case scenario: you're getting fucked in the ass."
"Singing was their hobby. Closing ass was their job."
"[about his massage chair] That is the best 2300 bucks I ever spent. I got it at a place called relaxtheback.com. It's like Toys-R-Us for your ass and back."
"Pigs have uniforms, I think we should have uniforms too. Gotta match those fuckers on every level."
"[revealing his gun collection] Welcome to candyshop, motherfuckers!"
"Lock and load, bitches! Anything from outer space, kill it!"
"Fuckin' alien came on my face."
"You don't fuck with Bob! You show Bob respect. Bob's my special guy. That's right! That's right. That just happened. You don't tell your parents about this. You don't tell your friends about this. You write it in your dream journal. You lock it up and put it under your pillow. I will come back here and I will kill each and every one of you! Except for those two hot girls I was talking to. They have my information, please have them get in contact with me. They seam great."
"It's OK. Touch my goo, Bob!"
"Neighborhood watch. What a fucking joke!"
"Ben Stiller - Evan Trautwig"
"Vince Vaughn - Bob McAllister"
"Jonah Hill - Franklin Fawcett"
"Richard Ayoade - Jamarcus Perkins"
"R. Lee Ermey - Manfred Salisbury"
"Rosemarie DeWitt - Abby Trautwig"
"Erin Moriarty - Chelsea McAllister"
"Will Forte - Sergeant Bressman"
"Mel Rodriguez - Chucho"
"Doug Jones - Chief alien villain"
"Nicholas Braun - Jason"