43 quotes found
"YOU BOYS LIKE MEX-E-CO?!?! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"[cross-eyed and with slight lisp] Do we look like the two dumbest guys in the world to you? Is that why you treat us with such disrespect?"
"One... Two... Three... Do It!"
"Do what? GO FUCK YOUR SELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I guess that's it for the old locker. She stinks like ass but I'll still miss her. I guess you could say that about all my girls."
"[refusing Captain Grady's bribe] I'm all highway."
"Liter is French for give me some fuckin' cola or I'll break vous's fuckin' lip!"
"I don't want a large Farva. I want a goddamn liter o' cola!"
"I just lost a buck... to myself!"
"I'll take six schlitzes... or whatever's free."
"I gotta bust criminals! It's what I gotta do!"
"What size cells are these? Eight by eight? Ours are nine by nine... no big deal."
"Oh, biker... I'm an idiot. [when Foster realizes that he misunderstood Ursula's disguise suggestion and dressed as a bicyclist]"
"You are freakin' out....man."
"[After Thorny says, "You smell somethin', Rabbit?"] *Sniffs* Fear."
"What, are you gonna light my ass on fire?"
"Canada, eh? Almost made it."
"[Deep voice] Mother of God."
"'Some male figure'? I'm his dad!"
"I am all that is MAN!"
"What? They can't lump us in with that fuckin' Martian."
"[Messing around with a photo on the station computer] Enhance... Enhance... Enhance..."
"Alright, who wants a moustache ride?"
"Sorry about that, Bruce. These boys get that syrup in 'em, they get all antsy in their pantsy."
"Let me guess- you just humped the mayor's wife and burned down city hall."
"[A repeated, sarcastic line, often said with an Irish accent] I'll believe that when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet."
"I scratched your back, Bruce! I scratched it good and hard! Now either you scratch my back, or you get my size ten boot up your ass!"
"Of *course* they started the fight! Now they've taken a jurisdictional grievance against us! I mean a murder on the highway! And you give them the investigation! Christ! We look like a bunch of pussies!"
"[About Farva, realizing he has betrayed O'Hagen and the others] We shoulda took him out back and shot him a long time ago."
"I invented this gag, Rabbit! Only in my day, the rookie got naked! [Fires the pistol he is holding at a State Police cruiser, shattering a window] And we also used blanks... You're a sick motherfucker, Mac."
"Look what I found! A two-by-four!"
"[Suddenly grabbing the radio while Foster is trying to apologize] URSULA! I'M NAKED!"
"Altered State Police"
"It's their highway. You're just driving on it."
"You don't mess with the law. The law messes with you."
"Jay Chandrasekhar as State Trooper Arcot 'Thorny' Ramathorn"
"Kevin Heffernan as State Trooper Rodney 'Rod' Farva"
"Steve Lemme as State Trooper MacIntyre 'Mac' Womack"
"Paul Soter as State Trooper Jeff Foster"
"Erik Stolhanske as State Trooper Robert 'Rabbit' Roto"
"Brian Cox as Captain John O'Hagen"
"Daniel von Bargen as Police Chief Bruce Grady"
"Jim Gaffigan as Larry Johnson"