41 quotes found
"I just got a weird feeling something bad is heading my way. Like when you see an Asian person behind the wheel of a car."
"Cindy, the news is on! Another little white girl done fell down a well. Fifty black people got they ass beat by police today, but the whole world gotta stop for one little whitey down the hole!"
"Hell with you."
"[After accidentally killing Tom's wife with his truck] Tom, I'll need a ride home."
"(telling future to a pregnant woman) It's a boy. He's going to be an asshole."
"My wife and I wanted a child, but she couldn't get pregnant. Neither could I."
"I can't help it. It's very lonely in here. Ergo, I haven't been with anyone in a very long time, not counting myself. Or this chair. I call her... Linda."
"She scared the horses, killed the puppies, hid the remote. Really sick shit. My wife killed her by drowning her in a nearby well. I thought a time-out would have been fine."
"[after watching a rap battle] I thought you were both absolutely dreadful. Ghastly. I don't know what I'm doing here. This club is totally pathetic. [both rappers pull out their guns and shoot him]."
"Right. Let's see if we can steer that course keeping everybody deeply disturbed. We don't want a panic. Very few presidents have faced a crisis like this. [goes over to a portrait of President Ford] I wonder what President Ford would've done. Well, if the buck stops here... The buck stops here."
"[after the rappers kill each other in a shoot-out] These men died for their country; send flowers to their bitches and hos."
"[Holding Michael Jackson outside of a window] How do you like it?"
"Great Trilogies Come In Threes."
"Anna Faris - Cindy Campbell"
"Simon Rex - George Logan"
"Regina Hall - Brenda Meeks"
"Leslie Nielsen - President Harris"
"Charlie Sheen - Tom Logan"
"Anthony Anderson - Mahalik"
"Kevin Hart - CJ"
"Camryn Manheim - Trooper Champlin"
"George Carlin - The Architect"
"Pamela Anderson - Becca"
"Jenny McCarthy - Kate"
"Drew Mikuska - Cody"
"Jianna Ballard - Sue"
"Denise Richards - Annie Logan"
"D. L. Hughley - John Wilson"
"Ja Rule - Agent Thompson"
"Queen Latifah - Aunt Shaneequa/The Oracle"
"Eddie Griffin - Orpheus"
"Darrell Hammond - Father Muldoon"
"Jeremy Piven - Ross Giggins"
"Simon Cowell - Himself"
"Marny Eng - Tabitha"
"Fat Joe - Himself"
"Edward Moss - MJ (Michael Jackson)"
"Tom Kenny - Aliens (voice, uncredited)"
"Klimaszewski Twins - Coors Light Twins"
"Ajay Naidu - M. Night Shyamalan (uncredited)"
"Method Man"