39 quotes found
"I'm feeling skinny, Tony!"
"Now, I must inform you, I have a severely deviated septum. When I sleep I make a very disturbing sound...Don't be alarmed, I am fine. Now…go to sleep…"
"Hey, don't pee in the water! [Pushes another kid in the water] Hey, don't drink the water, he peed in it!"
"Congratulations, Mr. Simms. You are the fattest boy in camp."
"[in the Camp Hell video] As a healthcare professional, I would like to take this opportunity to warn you that Tony Perkins' weight loss system is not only ineffective, it's also downright dangerous. If he isn't stopped, somebody's child, maybe *yours*, *will* be hurt."
"WATCH OUT FOR *SALAMI SAM*!"
"[voice-over while writing letter to grandma, he glances at Josh's empty bed and continues] At least Josh got out...where there's food. We have to resort...to more desperate measures."
"We're as good as anybody, it's time we started acting like it. First we've got to take control of ourselves before we can take control of this camp. We've got to get healthy for ourselves. We start respecting ourselves, *no one* can touch us. That's right, you heard me right."
"[to Camp MVP member after beating him in naming five American Vice Presidents] You Americans have NO sense of history."
"Attention campers, the topic for tonight's discussion is, "Liposuction: Option or Obsession.""
"First we're going to take an hour meditation break. Then we're going to climb that 1000-foot rock face over there with our bare hands and feet. I know you can do it, I have faith in you. But for now, observe the silence of the chi."
"[Tony chases Josh down a hill and Josh gets a leg cramp] Congratulations, you've just joined the 76% of Americans who forget to stretch before doing any physical activity."
"[Leading a meditation exercise] Repulse the monkey...part the wild horse's mane."
"[Upon finding contraband salami] Oh look! A deli meat!"
"Attention campers. Lunch has been cancelled due to lack of hustle. Deal with it."
"[searching campers for contraband, he finds a Pez dispenser hidden in Roy's sock when patting him down] Looks like my man's packing!"
"They never met a hot dog they didn't like... until now."
"They don't run the fastest. They don't jump the highest. But they sure are getting the last laugh."
"Aaron Schwartz - Gerald "Gerry" Garner"
"Ben Stiller - Tony Perkis, Jr."
"Tom McGowan - Pat Finley"
"Tim Blake Nelson - Roger Johnson"
"Jeffery Tambor - Maury Garner"
"Jerry Stiller - Harvey Bushkin"
"Anna Meara - Alice Bushkin"
"Shaun Weiss - Josh Birnbaum"
"Kenan Thompson - Roy"
"Leah Lail - Julie"
"Paul Feig - Tim"
"Tom Hodges - Lars"
"Allen Covert as Kenny"
"Cody Burger - Cody"
"Max Goldblatt - Phillip"
"Robert Zalkind - Simms"
"Joseph Wayne Miller - Sam"
"David Goldman - Nicholas"
"Patrick La Brecque - Dawson"
"Judd Apatow - Homer"
"Lauren Michelle Hill - Angelic Girl"