Gerard Bilders

"Friday 11. I have found there [at the [[w:Mauritshuis|museum 'Mauritshuis'] ]] already refuge - in front of Potter's big Bull. That is I started to copy the sheep with the lamb, which will not be a easy task, notwithstanding its great simplicity. The longer I look at that painting, the more beautiful things become visible to me, and when I wasn't convinced for sure that I was sitting in front of my painting easel in The Hague at the Mauritshuis, I would believe that the animals were alive and were - just as in the meadows in Oosterbeek - staring at me with their stupid faces, and asking: - what are you doing there? (translation from the Dutch original: Fons Heijnsbroek)"

"..so much is certain at least that seeing and studying the great Dutch masters arouse and encourage me to follow nature as a child, and to notice in it all those little ingenuous things and niceties as much as possible and reproduce them faithfully, which are so necessary to constitute a beautiful whole. (translation from the Dutch original: Fons Heijnsbroek)"

"Now one thing is annoying and no one can change this. It is that the days are so horribly short because of the dark weather. Sketching and [?] is still possible to do, but to look closely and to reproduce subtle hues and shades would now be completely impossible. Especially in the Museum it is sometimes really dark. (translation from the Dutch original: Fons Heijnsbroek)"

"I agree completely with your remark that in the struggle against nature lies already a part of art, and really pleasant is for me already the feeling of returning as a victor from small skirmishes, although in the great battle one always feels still defeated. As you advised me, I have made sketches of skies, indicating the effect in them, and making a note for the important colors; I also did better in making a small sky; at least people think so. (translation from the Dutch original: Fons Heijnsbroek)"

"The moon appeared for some time [in the Savoy, Switzerland] and the rocks seemed to be much bigger than they were. The mountains were silvery illuminated and appeared gently against the mysterious blue of the sky - that blue color with moonlight, that has such an indefinable, deep tone; actually it is not a blue."

"All I can tell is that they [some small landscapes Bilders painted in Savoy, which were exhibited there] are more blatant than in my studio, and secondly that I have been honored with a pretty good review. ..the jury found evidence of a thoroughly study and of happy sunlight in my works. They thought that I had to cherish a lot of love for nature, to be able to show it so sensitive .. ..[I] can not deny that I am very pleased to find that my small paintings have been noticed favorably. And besides that, one will never forget his first review.."

"Yesterday I received a letter from my father [ Dutch landscape-painter J. W. Bilders.] He told me to come at once, to paint the goats in a rather large forest landscape-painting he just finished, which has to be sent away at once [to Saint Petersburg, Russia]. I earn back my travelling [from Leiden to Amsterdam, probably by travel coach] but will loose one day studying in open air. When my goats will succeed, and they are not too stubborn, I'll be back here [in Leiden] tomorrow at one o'clock in the afternoon."

"If you ever want to see the 'Nightwatch' [by Rembrandt ] at its best, visit it at two o'clock, half past three afternoon.. ..that time a warm light falls on the painting [then located in the Trippenhuis in Amsterdam]; another world opens, a world of glow, light and inimitable power. I think Rembrandt is not only beautiful, but – were we still in the Age of the old Gods, I would worship him. You can lose yourself in that painting; it is a complete abyss, deep and sky-high.. ..then suddenly I think of my own paintings - poor cow, dairy, and sheep compositions, and I doubt, will I ever become something.."

"I am searching for a tone, which we call 'colored grey'. I mean that all colors, even the strongest, can be brought together in such a way as to give the impression of a warm, vital grey. (translation from the Dutch original: Fons Heijnsbroek)"

"To preserve the sense of the 'grey' even in the most powerful green is amazingly difficult and whoever discovers it will be a happy mortal. (translation from the Dutch original: Fons Heijnsbroek)"

"I have seen pictures [on the Salon of Brussel, 1860], of which I had never dreamed and in which I found all that my heart desires, all that I nearly always miss in the Dutch painters. Troyon, Courbet, Diaz, Dupré [all painters of the School of Barbizon, Robert Fleury have made a great impression on me. I am a good Frenchman, therefore; but, as Simon van den Berg says, it is just because I am a good Frenchman that I am a good Dutchman, since the great Frenchmen of today and the great Dutchmen of the past have much in common. Unity, restfulness, earnestness and, above all, an inexplicable intimacy with nature are what struck me most in these pictures. There were certainly also a few good Dutch pieces, but, generally speaking, when you place them next to the great Parisians, they lack that mellowness, that quality which, so to speak, resembles the deep tones of an organ. And yet this luxurious manner came originally from Holland, from our steaming, fat-coloured Holland! They were courageous pictures; there was a heart and a soul in them."

"It is not my aim and object to paint a cow for the cow's sake or a tree for the tree's, but by means of the whole to create a beautiful and huge impression which nature sometimes creates, also with most simple means. (translation from the Dutch original: Fons Heijnsbroek)"

"Many paintings are on their way, several half finished, others almost varnished and signed at the bottom. An important point is how a painting succeeds at last; an equally important point is when, how and to whom it is sold. Of these three points, the 'when', at least at this moment, is the most important for me. Then the 'how', in the sense of 'how much' [money]. To 'whom', is a question of wealth or wanton, as someone who had nothing to eat for a long time and then start to think, at whose costs am I going to fill my stomach.. .How mean! Painters are inferior people. Harsh!"

"I always have the most sympathy for that painting of mine, which the other people appreciate the least. It gives me the impression of an outcast and it takes on a romantic-interesting quality. I therefore always put this work first and want to prove to everyone that he is wrong if he does not appreciate this above all my other works. It is certainly rather foolish, and I do not know, it comes from an 'esprit de contradiction' or just from pity. The bad end has something attractive, one has sympathy for it."

"For me Ruisdael is the true man of poetry, the real poet. There is a world of sad, serious and beautiful thoughts in his paintings. They possess a soul and a voice that sounds deep, sad and dignified. They tell melancholic stories, speak of gloomy things and are witnesses of a sad spirit. I see him wander, turned in on himself, his heart opened to the beauties of nature, in accordance with his mood, on the banks of that dark gray stream that rustles and splashes along the reeds. And those skies!.. .In the skies one is completely free, untied, all of himself.. ..what a genius he is! He is my ideal and almost something perfect. When it storms and rains, and heavy, black clouds fly back and forth, the trees whiz and now and then a strange light breaks through the air, and falls down here and there on the landscape, and there is a heavy voice, a grand mood in nature; that is what he paints; that is what he [Ruysdael] is imaging."

".I don't love less the gray waters of my Holland, their serious and somewhat sad color, which corresponds so well with the similar gray skies and vapors that are hanging there. (translation from the Dutch original: Fons Heijnsbroek)"

"The past few days I've been reading part of a rather melancholy book, 'Brieven en dagboek' ('Letters and Diary') of Gerard Bilders. He died at the age [27] when I was more or less beginning. When I read it, I don't regret making a late start. He was certainly unhappy and was often misunderstood, but at the same time I find a great weakness in him, something unhealthy in his character. It's like the story of a plant that shoots up too early and can't withstand the frost, and as a result one fine night it's struck to the root and withers away. At first he does well — he's a master as in the hothouse — making rapid growth there — but in Amsterdam he stands almost alone, and despite his brilliance he can't cope there, and in the end he comes back to his father's house, completely discouraged, dissatisfied, apathetic — and there he does some more painting and finally dies of consumption or another disease in his 28th year."

"What I dislike in him is that 'while painting' he complains about terrible boredom and idleness.. .In short, I find him a sympathetic figure, but I would rather read the life of père Millet or T. Rousseau or Daubigny [all artists of the School of Barbizon ].. ..G. Bilders was a romantic in his outlook on life, and he never got over his lost illusions. For my part I regard it as in a sense a privilege that I began when romantic illusions were a thing of the past. Now I have some way to catch up, work hard, but particularly when you have lost illusions behind you, work is something you need and one of the few pleasures left. And from this comes a great peace and calm.. ..too often with G. Bilders it's [in his diary and letters] 'I was in a bad mood this week and made a mess of things..'."