Fletch Lives

"(narrating) All I needed now was a computer. And a ten year old kid to teach me how to use it."

"Becky was a good girl and didn't need to be spanked... dammit."

"It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong. I am NOT a big man."

"(narrating) The Reverend Farnsworth was Becky's father, but I wasn't going to hold that against her. If I was going to hold anything against her, it wouldn't be her father."

"(narrating) Figuring out that the guy who dropped my watch in the swamp was the same guy who stole it at the morgue didn't take Sherlock Holmes... Larry Holmes could've figured that one out."

"I borrowed your toothbrush. I would have used your razor but it looks like you've been doing some gardening with it."

"What can I do to y- for you?"

""I was on my gazebo, on the roof, making some repairs, and I was struck by lightning...and I've had migraine headaches and blurred vision ever since then but praise the Lord that was my lucky day because ever since then, I've had the healing power. Amen, God bless you. Thank you very much. Good night. Yes? What happened? Yes?"

"I believe Louisiana is the Pelican State."

"They multiply by masturbation."

"I've been foolishly squandering my salary on food and heat."

"Scum! Scum! Scum! Go back to where you're from!"

"These walls are deplaning at an alarming rate!"

"You shouldn't wear so much eye shadow. It makes you look cheap."

"(narrating) The morgue proved to be a dead end. But I guess it is for most people."

"(narrating) When I got back, there was a cozy fire in the fireplace...and on the roof, and on the porch. It was great."

"(narrating) Over the years, I found Mr. Underhill's credit card to be a useful tool, much like Underhill himself."

"(narrating) I never liked guns, especially when they're pointed at me."

"Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee Schwartz."

"KKK Leader: Folks ain't home. Cross won't burn. Hell, it ain't like it used to be."

"Announcer: Let's welcome our guest healer Mr. Claude Henry Smoot."