Dril

"how do i get cowboy paint off a dog ."

"im little jesica. im dying because of obamas help care bill. im on my death bed and the doctor is ignoring me because my dady works hard"

"Welcome to the citadel of eternal wisdom. Behold, this crystal contains the sum of all human knowledge -- Except Rap And Country"

"icant come to work today.. on account of JERRY DUTY *SHoves every seinfeld disk into dvd player at once*"

"'im not owned! im not owned!!', i continue to insist as i slowly shrink and transform into a corn cob"

"fuck "jokes". everything i tweet is real. raw insight without the horse shit. no, i will NOT follow trolls. twitter dot com. i live for this"

""Is Wario A Libertarian" - the greatest thread in the history of forums, locked by a moderator after 12,239 pages of heated debate,"

"see this watch? i got it by Crying. my car? crying. my beautiful wife? Crying. My perfect teeth? Crying. now get the fuck out of my office"

"another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it"

"how come a baby born with a foot in its brain is considered a "Miracle Baby" but when I get my dick stuck in a drawer im just some asshole"

""jail isnt real," i assure myself as i close my eyes and ram the hallmark gift shop with my shitty bronco"

"THE COP GROWLS "TAKE OFF TH OSE JEANS, CITIZEN." I COMPLY, REVEALING THE FULL LENGTH DENIM TATTOOS ON BOTH LEGS. THE COP SCREAMS; DEFEATED"

"the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. i hoot & holler outta the building while a bunch of losers try to tell me that im dying"

"strongest blade in the world, however, it is so fragile as to shatter when handled by any force other than the delicate touch of a lesbian ."

"IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL"

"who the fuck is scraeming 'LOG OFF' at my house. show yourself, coward. i will never log off"

"oh nothin, i was just buying some ear medication for my sick uncle... *LOWERS SHADES TO LOOK YOU DEAD IN THE EYE* who's a Model by the way,"

""This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender," i holler as i overturn my uncle's barbeque grill and turn the 4th of July into the 4th of Shit"

"my disrespectful teen son somehow got hold of a gluten product and now he wants to become a cat girl"

"here's a list of touhou girls i want to have as a Mom someday & here is a copy of that list in case you accidentally throw it in the gabarge"

"Food $200 Data $150 Rent $800 Candles $3,600 Utility $150 someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying"

"if your grave doesnt say "rest in peace" on it you are automatically drafted into the skeleton war"

"big bird was obviously just a man in a suit. but the other ones were too small to contain men. so what the fuck"

"its the weekend baby. youknow what that means. its time to drink precisely one beer and call 911"

"it is with a heavy heart that i must announce that the celebs are at it again"

"the wise man bowed his head solemnly and spoke: "theres actually zero difference between good & bad things. you imbecile. you fucking moron""

"blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin"

"awfully bold of you to fly the Good Year blimp on a year that has been extremely bad thus far"

"[man leans into doorway of WTC bathroom] "Hey, you gotta finish up in there. 9/11 is happening." "Alright. Just a sec.""

"drunk driving may kill a lot of people, but it also helps a lot of people get to work on time, so, it;s impossible to say if its bad or not,"

"THERAPIST: your problem is, that youre perfect, and everyone is jealous of your good posts, and that makes you rightfully upset. ME: I agree"

"joke's on you; i actually love being body slammed by one dozen perfect wrestlers. and my mouth isn't filled with bloodm, it's victory wine"

"the numa numa man just bougt a $70million house and im here at the library trying to photocopy a fruit roll up"

"koko the talking ape.. has been living high on the hog, wasting our tax dollars on high capacity diapers. No more. i will suplex that beast,"

"and another thing: im not mad. please dont put in the newspaper that i got mad."

"do not be afraid to talk to that lonely boy on the train ... with the rosy red cheeks, sun glasses & big cigar... he just mmight be... angel"

"ah, So u persecute just because he has different beliefs? Do Tell. (girls get mad at me) Sorry. Im sorry. Im trying to remove it"

"the jduge orders me to take off my anonymous v mask & im wearing the joker makeup underneath it. everyone in the courtroom groans at my shit"

"its fucked up how there are like 1000 christmas songs but only 1 song aboutr the boys being back in town"

"Politic's is back baby. It's good again. Awoouu (wolf Howl)"

"donlad trump reportedly says that normal type pokemon are a waste of time. they're just dirty birds & rats who have no right being a pokemon"

"DOCTOR: you cant keep doing this to yourself. being The Last True Good Boy online will destroy you. you must stop posting with honor ME: No,"

"so long suckers! i rev up my motorcylce and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely dead on the pavement"

"user named " beavis_sinatra " has been terrorizing me since 2004, by sending me pictures of cups that are too close to the edge of the table"

"ME: there is a new type of beer called "Wine" shirtless guy witht 104 followers: Shut the fuck up ME: Yes sir"

"girls always love to telling people not to" Mansplain" but they do not care of, "Man's Pain""

"1st grade: Mastered. 2nd Grade: MAstered. 3rd Grade: Mastered. 4th Grade: Heres when they start trying to trick you 5th Grade:This ones hard"

"using the toilet when i hear Our national anthem start to play. i do what i must. i stand tall in complete agony; as shit runs down my leg,"

"im afraid you do not grasp the enormity of who it is you are dealing with. (removes diaper,. revealing two sub-diapers ) Shall we continue.."

"if you ask me this election could end about 100 different ways: 1) trump gets 0% of the vote 2) trump gets 1% of the vote 3) trump gets 2% o"

"i refuse to consume any product that has been created by, or is claimed to have been created by, the (((Keebler Elves)))"

"trying to heal..... please donate to my go fund me... $10 will make me less racist... $100 will make me extremely less racist...thank you..."

"the human mind... perhaps the most powerful weapon. second only to the "GUN""

"issuing correction on a previous post of mine, regarding the terror group ISIL. you do not, under any circumstances, "gotta hand it to them""

"look, im not saying that martin luther king jr was a gamer. that would be ludicrous. im simply saying that if games had existed at the time,"

"reading a 900 page book on Dry Rubs and immediately forgetting all of it and just dumping a shit load of cocoa pebbles on my ribs"

"i lvoe and cherish all of the girls of this site, and other websites. you all become my wife more and more with each passing day. Thank you"

"people come up to me and say, "I will never use the bathroom. I will never shit" and i gotta tell them pal, sooner or later youre gonna shit"

"turning a big dial taht says "Racism" on it and constantly looking back at the audience for approval like a contestant on the price is right"

"revealing the gender of my baby by eating a whole bunch of food dye and taking a huge pink shit in front of my relatives. ah!! its a girl !!"

"DUMBASS: SHut the fuck up THE WISE MAN: No you shut the fuck up"

"im stupider then dog shit, i dont give a shit, and i dont give a fuck, and i will never shut the fuck up, and i'll always Respect my enemys."

"my favorite feature of this site is absolutely no consequences for my opinions sucking ffucking ass and me being 100% wrong about everything"

"i often disagree with DigimonOtis, but his efforts to keep Sharia Law out of the donkey kong 64 wiki are much needed in this wolrd of danger"

"im afraid i must say that i do not find the mysteries featured on "scooby-doo" challenging enough ."

"getting pissed off at the idea of someone going on to wiki pedia and changing the name of the japanese suicide forest to "Warios Woods""

"i hate i t when girls think im proposing whenever i take the knee at them in protest"

"VERIFY!! VERIFIY THIS ACCOUNT! THE TROLLS ARE BREAKING IN THROUGH THE WINDOWS!! I NEED THE CHECK MARK !! NOW!! NOW!! NOW!!"

"my friend the only crypto currency you wanna get your hands on is this: bird seed. There is a lot of birds and they all gotta eat"

"love when i lose aobut 100 followers immediately after making a beautiful post. the weak shriveling up into dust. Thats called darwin"

"i regret to inform you, that by resorting to Swear language, you have forfeit this debate. Farewell my bitch"

"i just need to say, to anyone reading this.. You are Important, You are loved, and You belong in this world, if you have over 5000 followers"

"go ahead. keep screaming "Shut The Fuck Up " at me. it only makes my opinions Worse"

"the worst part of nationalism is having to pretend the flag is really good, like "yeah the country looks exactly like that. they nailed it""

"i would take so many bribes if i was a judge. half my shit would be bribes. take bribes from the criminals until theyre too poor to do crime"

"a man asks God, how am i supposed to live, without George H.W. Bush God simply said "That is why I made 2 george bushs" The man just smiled."

"im not going to post about taking shits or shitting anymore . i Condemn all of my previous posts about shitting and asses"

"shitting on a Towel"

""The Godfather: Part Iraq" (2004) In this 4th installment of the Godfather series, the godfathers head to iraq to settle the score, of 9/11."

"just found out about Object Permanence... why didnt any one tell me about this shit"

"Im the only man here who injects himself with a CIA Grade Truth Serum before each and every post i make. Remember only that"

"i think it would be fucking stupid to be a fat ass caterpillar and have your entire body be made out of weak points"

"who cares. pick up a foot ball"

"the entire time youre watching the movie 101 Dalmatians, youre just thinking, This is so many more dalmations than usual. It is just fucked"

"theres a popular nursery rhyme in which the singer claims to be a teapot. this, for many children, is their first experience with "Trolling""

"playing the worlds most normal sized violin"

"Buffalo wild wing gets $0 tip for serving "Bones" to me in chicken, if i had wanted to eat bones i would take my Ass to the grave yard"

"the coolest thing the police ever did was invent their own flag thats just a desecrated version of the american flag"

"they are going to start calling the damn gas prices "Gasp prices" because thats what i do when i see then"

"i deserve th e most mentally ill president imaginable. 99 year old babbling doofus. Send us into the volcano sir"

"ive flattened the curve over 100 times. what have you pricks been doing"

"every generation deserves at least 5 movies named "Spider Man 2""

"guys who get off on being humiliated used to expose themselves at the grocery store or something. now they pretend to be journalists on here"

"if you ask me many of Americans have been wearing the mask even before from covid 19. the mask i refer to is of course the clown's mask."

"one thing the gamer world is certainly agreeing of, is that halo infinite is sure to be the highest numbered halo game yet"

"epic ; supreme court rules nabisco is legally allowed to label their products as "Homemade" after forcing the employees to live at the factory"

"i would rather go fuck my self than read one more post on the bird websitw"

"thinking about a "Cock Ring" for the neck that strangles all the blood into your brain and gives you what is essentially a mental erection"

"(hearing about a guy who died) wow thats like 0.0003 9/11s"

"should i learn Letters first? or choose the path of Numbers? a queston every baby must ask it self"

"everyone less mentally ill than me is Privileged, everyone more mentally ill than me is Toxic, everyone equally mentally ill to me is Cool"

"how about instead of drop the ball on new years we drop the damn gas prices for onve"

"for like 8 months i thought covid was one of those joke diseases where you ask "what's covid" and the other guy tells tou to suck his nuts"

"society is so much fucking Bitched ....."

"no heaven or hell when you die, everyone is just herded into a room with a big scoreboard saying which person blasted the most Cum"

"ive generated over 100,000 wordles in my head and completed them easily. what more can i say of it"

"marijuana did columbine"

"my biggest fear is that theres an earth quake while im jacking off and little pieces of cum start flyiyng into my mouth and all over my dog"

"you call this shit rotisserie chicken? I bet this shit hasnt even rotated 1 time in its entire life."

"(suddenly becoming very somber) no Woman should have to pay over $10 for a Brassiere."

"I am Donald "Penis" Trump, known & hated for my Inflammatory rhetoric, as well as my old mafia-style Racism. Looking forward to posting here"

"just clicking my mouse a bit. having a look at my files"

"i really dont care what Yankee Doodle did when he went to town. His toxic fanbase tells me everything I need to know about him ."

"Bad news folks! i waited in line for 16 hours to see the queen. But by the time i got there she was fuckin DEAD!!!!!!"

"now that elon has disposed of the left wing woke brigade I can finally post pictures of my COCK!!!"

"ripleys suck my dick or not"

"you just paid $8 to eat my ass stupid #BlockTheBlue"

"Having a bad one; First my Lockheed Martin investment tanks after the ceo posts his penis. Now Cold stone Creamery just called me the N-Word"

"HELP ELON!!ELON!! HELP! HELP! POST "DOG COIN""

"CHIEF: dracula is in our sights. Take the shot! SNIPER: I can't, Sir. I'm Woke! ME (watching through binoculars): He's woke! He wont do it!"

"if you drop a chicken cutlet on the floor it absorbs all kinds of dirt & particles that make it undesirable. Thats sort of how AI works"

"many claim to have seen me walking around the Las Vegas strip with a Device attached to my penis. This is untrue #NoDevice"

"is it true that if 3 adult men are jacking off in a bunk bed their hand movements will eventually Synchronize ?"

"" You know Gru been Fucking those minions " No , i don't know that. But thanks for showing your ignorance."

"born to be bull shit"

"the last time i stopped jacking off for 1 week I went insane and wrote the movie The God Father"

"my thoughts on the post "Georg Jetson Sucked Me" . First off you spelled his name wrong. Second off youre an idiot even thinking that"

"Twitter, as I understand it, is a sort of "Hell" that I was banished to upon death in my previous life. In this abstract realm, the only thing I am certain of is that my cries are awarded "Favs" or "RTs" when they are particularly miserable or profane. These ethereal merits do nothing to ease my suffering, but I have deliriously convinced myself that gathering enough of them will impress my unseen superiors and grant me a promotion to a higher plane of existence. This is my sole motivation."

"it is absolutely a full time job, dealing with this Shit. i'm talking True full time, 24 hours. Listening to the perverts scream at me in the instant dm box while I'm trying to cobble together a coherent post. Standing on thje median strip at a busy intersection, next to the guy with a 20% off mattress sign, failing to shill copies of my Horrible book. Waking up screaming from Night terrors involving complete strangers accusing me of "Selling OUt." There is no clocking out. The clock is a part of me, it's always inside of me, and I'm fucked."

"My posts are the bible. My brain is the bible. The books I'm releasing are bibles. It's all bible, baby"

"You may have heard of a character from the batman movies, called the Joker. The joker just lives a normal life like you or me, going to the grocery store, and the office or what have you. But WHen the joker puts his mask on, he becomes the joker, and he mercilessly goes out there and gets Paid. Thats what I try to do in my life and the way I live life, and I do do it every day, and it is the essence of understanding my pain."