Arthur Guiterman

"Amœbas at the start Were not complex; They tore themselves apart, And started Sex."

"'Tis Sex that rules the lives Of clowns and kings; It gives us books and wives And other things—Ambition, love and strife And all the ills And ecstacies of life, And Freuds and Brills."

"They earned a name that lives in song, Those woodsmen stout and plucky Whose hair and rifles both were long— The Hunters of Kentucky."

"The Fawns don't dine When a Wolf's about, And the Porcupine Puts his quill points out."

"Of all cold words of tongue or pen The worst are these: "I knew him when ——""

"The tusks which clashed in mighty brawls Of mastodons, are billiard balls.The sword of Charlemagne the Just Is Ferric Oxide, known as rust.The grizzly bear, whose potent hug Was feared by all, is now a rug.Great Caesar's bust is on the shelf, And I don't feel so well myself!"

"The Antiseptic Baby and the Prophylactic Pup Were playing in the garden when the Bunny gamboled up; They looked upon the Creature with a loathing undisguised;— It wasn't Disinfected and it wasn't Sterilized."

"The Prophet's Cam-u-el, that primal Desert Ship."

"The Pilgrims landed, worthy men, And, saved from wreck on raging seas, They fell upon their knees, and then Upon the Aborigines."

"Commute with me, my Love, and be merry; How vain in the City to dwell When apple-trees blow in Dobbs' Ferry And lilacs adorn New Rochelle! White Plains is the Garden of Allah And Pelham's the Pearl of the Sea; There's bliss in the name of Valhalla— Oh, fly to the Suburbs with me!"

"It's lovely having grass and trees and flowers (Of course, at times, mosquitoes are a pest). Yes, life is life out here in Rangely Towers (Of course Some People like the city best)!"

"The Cat on your hearthstone to this day presages, By solemnly sneezing, the coming of rain!"

"Oh, the saddest of sights in a world of sin Is a little lost pup with his tail tucked in!"

"Hail Guest! We ask not what thou art: If Friend, we greet thee, hand and heart; If Stranger, such no longer be; If Foe, our love shall conquer thee."

"Bless the four comers of this house, And be the lintel blest; And bless the hearth and bless the board And bless each place of rest."

"For Education is, Making Men; So is it now, so was it when Mark Hopkins sat on one end of a log And James Garfield sat on the other."

"Drab is the town as a shawl-hooded crone, And dreary and cold with a chill all its own. You ask them for bread and they give you a scone, In Glasgow."

"The finest thing in London is the Bobby; Benignant information is his hobby."

"Oh, who would choose to be a traveler?— That anxious railway-guide unraveler Who spends his nights in berths and bunks, His days in chaperoning trunks; Who stands in line at gates and wickets To spend his means on costly tickets To Irkutsk, Liverpool and Yap And other dots upon the map."

"He stood with his muzzle thrust out through the door The whole forty days of that terrible pour! Because of which drenching, the Sages unfold, The Nose of a Healthy Dog always is Cold."

"The three-toed tree-toad Sings his sweet ode To the moon; The funny bunny And his honey Trip in tune."

"I breathed a song into the air; That little song of beauty rare Is flying still, for all I know, Around the world by Radio."

"Then up he rose, and forth they went Away from battleground, fortress, tent, Mountain, wilderness, field and farm, Death and the General, arm in arm. Death and General Putnam."

"My sword is Strength, my spear is Song; With these upon a stubborn field I challenge Falsehood, Fear and Wrong; But Laughter is my shield."

"Oh, the Brown Missouri Mule has a copper-plated throat, And the welkin splits apart when he hits an upper note."

"Lightly we follow our cue, Exit, pursued by a bear."

"Thus have I sorrowed, Learning to my cost That a book that's borrowed Is a book that's lost!"