"[calmly] Ah, well, I attended Juilliard, I am a graduate of the Harvard Business School, I travel quite extensively, I lived through the Black Plague and I had a pretty good time during that, [getting aggressively more demented] I've seen The Exorcist about 167 TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTIN' FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT! NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKIN' TO A DEAD GUY! NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK?! [calmly] You think I'm qualified?"

"[after his head spins] Don't you hate it when that happens?"

"I'll eat anything you want me to eat, I'll swallow anything you want me to swallow, so come on down and I'll...chew on a dog! [howls]"

"Hey, these aren't my rules! Come to think of it, I don't have any rules!"

"YOU BUNCHA LOSERS!!! YOU'RE WORKIN' WITH A PROFESSIONAL HERE!!! [kicks over a tree; quietly observes it for a moment] NICE FUCKIN' MODEL!!!! [grabs his crotch and squeezes it twice with a bike horn sound]"

"Attention, K-Mart shoppers!"

"Thank you. Thank you. That, is why I won't do two shows a night anymore, babe, I won't."

"[to Otho] Not so fast, round boy. We're gonna have some laughs! [Kisses Otho on the cheek and laughs]"

"We come for your daughter, Chuck."

"I'm the ghost with the most, babe."

"Nobody says the "B" word."

"It's showtime!"

"Well...what do we got here tonight, kids? [sees the Maitlands] Oooo, well, we got the, uh, Maitlands. Uh, I think, uh, they've had enough "exorcise" for tonight. [mimes a golf swing and the Maitlands fall onto the floor]"

"[last lines; talking to a witch doctor] Pardon me. [referring to Harry the Hunter] Did you do that? Nice work. Lemme ask you somethin'. How do you get 'em so small? [Distracting the witch doctor] There goes Elvis! Yo, King! [witch doctor looks away, he switches his ticket with witch doctor's] Well, looks like I'm next. Good thing, too. ("

"My whole life is a darkroom. [slowly, for effect] One. Big. Dark. Room."

"[realizing that Adam and Barbara are ghosts] The funeral. God. You guys really are dead."

"Charles, I will not stop living and breathing art just because you need to relax. I'm here with you. I will live with you in this hellhole, but I must express myself. If you don't let me gut out this house and make it my own, I WILL GO INSANE AND I WILL TAKE YOU WITH ME!!!"

"[about Beryl] Don't mind her. She's still upset because someone dropped a house on her sister."

"We're ghosts!"

"Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!"

"I wanted him to be pure electricity, that's why the hair just sticks out. At my house I started creating a walk and a voice. I got some teeth. I wanted to be scary in the look and then use the voice to add a dash of goofiness that, in a way, would make it even scarier. I wanted something kind of moldy to it, too. Tim had the striped-suit idea and we added the big eyes. I think that movie will go forever because it's 100% original."

"In This House... If You've Seen One Ghost... You Haven't Seen Them All."

"He's guaranteed to put some life, in your afterlife."

"Say it once... Say it twice... But we dare you to say it THREE TIMES!"

"The name in laughter from the hereafter."

"Michael Keaton — Betelgeuse"

"Alec Baldwin — Adam Maitland"

"Geena Davis — Barbara Maitland"

"Winona Ryder — Lydia Deetz"

"Catherine O'Hara — Delia Deetz"

"Jeffrey Jones — Charles Deetz"

"Glenn Shadix — Otho"

"Sylvia Sidney — Juno"

"Dick Cavett — Bernard"

"Robert Goulet - Maxie Dean"

"Annie McEnroe - Jane Butterfield"