"(masquerading as a mobster) My name is Ben Sobel... -lioni. Ben Sobellioni. I'm also known as, uh, Benny the Groin, Sammy the Schnozz, Elmer the Fudd, Tubby the Tuba, and once as Miss Phyllis Levine."

"[talking to patient] Well, the first thing I think you should do...is to stop whining about this pathetic loser! You are a tragedy queen! [mocks whining voice] "Steve doesn't like me! Steve doesn't respect me!" I mean, who gives a shit? GET A FUCKING LIFE!"

"[Upon receiving an exquisite fountain from Vitti as a gift] Call the Vatican, see if there's anything missing."

"Robert De Niro as Paul Vitti"

"Billy Crystal as Ben Sobel M.D."

"Lisa Kudrow as Laura MacNamara"

"Chazz Palminteri as Primo Sindone"

"Joe Viterelli as Jelly"

"Kyle Sabihy as Michael"

"Pat Cooper as Sal Masiello"

"Joe Rigano as Manetta"

"Leo Rossi as Carlo Mangano"

"Richard C. Castellano as Jimmy"

"Pasquale Cajano as Frankie Zello"

"Gene Ruffini as Joe Baldassare"

"Judith Kahan as Elaine Felton"

"Tony Bennett (Guest starring) as Himself"

"DonnaMarie Recco as Shiela"

"Bill Macy as Dr. Isaac Sobel"

"Rebecca Schull as Dorothy Sobel"

"Asaif Mandvi as Dr. Shulman"